Entries Tagged as 'bodily fluids'

“I power walked so powerfully I got the runs!”

March 4th, 2014 · 56 Comments

So, this happened.
To the 'power walker' in the black hoodie and sunglasses who POOPED behind this AC unit on the morning of February 28th. I just wanted to let you know that I saw your take your dump. You may want to choose a better spot the next time you feel the urge to go. P.S. Don't litter please. Next time take the tissue you wiped with.

And Dani in Texas…thanks for sharing?

related: A nasty twist on “Man Bites Dog”
extra credit: Nance Bodean’s Guide to Power Walking [youtube]

Tags: p.s. · shit · Texas

But…you said not to flush anything down the toilet?

December 3rd, 2013 · 70 Comments

Writes Sarah: “I am deeply sorry, long-suffering San Diego Public Library, for whatever past incident(s) made this sign necessary…though I do appreciate the superfun font!”

ATTENTION: Please do not discard plastic bags with urine in this receptacle

related: Colostomy bags!

Tags: library · piss · San Diego · so this is a thing?

Not cool, dudebro

November 7th, 2013 · 104 Comments

The only think Derek — I’m sorry, “Dman” — had to say about this note was, “i live with some girls, and one is pretty funny.” Something tells that “funny ha ha” isn’t what comes to his roommates’ minds when mopping up Derek’s puddles of urine.

Derek, Peeing IN the toilet bowl is a non-negotiable part of having indoor plumbing; if you don't like aiming, go outside.

related: The Piddler on the Roof

Tags: actually totally reasonable · most popular notes of 2013 · New York · piss · roommates

What is this, some sort of pissing contest?

October 10th, 2013 · 36 Comments

Our submitter spotted this sign next to the door of a video game shop in Australia. “I’m left wondering how often this must have occurred to warrant the sign,” she says.

Personally, my favorite part is the unusual choice of the word making. What exactly is going on here? (“That’s it, Alfie. If you really want Bioshock Infinite, you’d better face the wall and take a piss first!”)


related: How many times did this have to happen before they put up a sign?

Tags: exclamation-point happy!!!! · kids · odor · piss · pointlessly self-censored profanity · WTF?

My bowels are irritable, and so am I!

October 3rd, 2013 · 31 Comments

Writes our submitter in Alabama: “After the both men’s rooms in our office suffered from some serious anal explosions, our boss sent around an accusatory email,” which everyone in the office assumed was directed toward a particular coworker, Dan. “Dan vehemently maintains his innocence,” our submitter says, “and in an effort to ‘prove’ it, he posted this note above one of the desecrated toilets.”


related: A diarrhea-only toilet?

Tags: all clogged up · not-so-veiled threats · office · shit · toilet

The Piddler on the Roof

June 14th, 2013 · 30 Comments

Today’s special comes to us from New York City, at the entrance to the building’s roof deck. (Just in time for summer, when the entire city already smells like urine and garbage!)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Do not pee on the roof. And please do not stay up here at night. Can we agree that 11 pm is late at night? I try to sleep under your feet... It is like you are walking on my ceiling... And you tend to scream when you're up on the roof. People live under here... I've lived here for 12 years and we've never had these issues. This is not a party apartment... this is a home. If you're going up here... Try and stay around the stairwell and near the roof door... and off our sixth floor walkup ceilings. This roof leaks. This building is made of paper-mache is is really old. And I can't believe I have to say this (again)...But really — please do not piss on the roof.

Meanwhile, Jenny spotted this outside a three-story office building in Vancouver, B.C.

THANK YOU For picking up after your DOG. HOWEVER, PLEASE DO NOT THROW THE BAGS OF FECES ON THE ROOF OF THE BUILDING. Thank you for your cooperation. Building Manager

related: Dear Bob, please do not pee out your bedroom window

Tags: dogs · ellipses-crazed · New York · newspaper · noise · piss · shit

Vomiting for dummies

June 10th, 2013 · 72 Comments

Mike spotted this in one of the restrooms at his Atlanta office. As amused as he was by the snarky comment-ALL CAPS-clip art combo, “I can’t say I disagree with the note,” says Mike. “That’s just gross.”

PLEASE DO NOT THROW UP IN OUR SINKS a sign like this shouldn't be necessary in a professional office environment Proper way to throw up Please remember to flush after you vomit. And to the person that did that in the sink and didn't even bother to clean it up, WHY DON'T YOU JUST WORK FROM HOME, YOU BIG LOSER! AS OF MAY 29, 2013 THIS HAS NOW HAPPENED AT LEAST 3 TIMES in 2 weeks on this floor! STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY!

related: Don’t vom in the urinals, either

Tags: Atlanta · bathroom · clip art catastrophe · most popular notes of 2013 · office · vomit

On preparing a hide for tanning

June 3rd, 2013 · 56 Comments

Many cultures throughout history have used urine in the process of tanning [animal hides]. As Amanda in Colorado shows us, that tradition continues today among the animals that frequent the tanning salons of America!

We ask that you PLEASE refrain from using the restroom in our wastebaskets. ALL client activity is monitored. If caught we will PERMANENTLY terminate your tanning account and we will issue NO REFUNDS. Your account will be noted and you will NOT be welcome back. We like to maintain a CLEAN, SANITIZED environment for our clients...Urinating in our trash cans are not only un-sanitary, but, it is disgusting and we will not tolerate such activity. Please note: We can stop your tanning session at anytime and re-start should you need the facilities at any time. Our restrooms are located at the front of the main lobby as you walk into salon. THANK YOU

The takeaway? Whether your poison is sun, spray, or fake-and-bake, it comes with a lovely combination of cancer and piss on the side. (I’m gonna stick with my SPF.)

related: The Golden Glow of the Tanning Salon

extra credit: Newsflash! Sunscreen works. [nytimes.com]

Tags: piss · that's trashy · that's unsanitary

Meanwhile, at the Ministry of Magic…

May 30th, 2013 · 35 Comments

“Obviously there’s something I’ve been missing all these years,” says Marg (a muggle, clearly), who spotted this notice in the restroom at Melbourne’s Flinders Street Station.

Lift out of order

Meanwhile, in the elevator of Lauren’s building in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada…

Before you let your dog, your friend, your date, your coworker or your casual aquaintances rock a piss in this elevatore, please consider this: its gross. Like, really, ewwww. Am I right? Okay then. I just hosted my own private VIM party in here and its not as fun as it sounds. Mmkay?

related: Yer a wiseass, Harry

Tags: elevator · Melbourne · piss · toilet · WTF?

Hey, Dumbo

May 21st, 2013 · 53 Comments

As it turns out, a surprisingly large number of American apartment buildings are pachyderm-friendly. (It’s the owners that are the problem, of course.)

Shh! Please walk your elephant quietly!

Dear neighbor, Do you look like this? If not then please stop jumping around. Sincerely, Person Below You

Please clean up after your elephant!

Dear Beach Girl, The elephant you're training keeps sitting on my Jetta. Also, your nunchuck stance is distracting passing motorists. Regards, Wilson

related: How now, Mad Cow?

Tags: neighbors · noise · shit