Entries Tagged as 'bodily fluids'

Pissed off (but ever-so-polite)

January 13th, 2013 · 48 Comments

In the U.K. —more so than anywhere else — self-proclaimed “polite notices” are quite often anything but. Take, for example, these two notices, both from London.

POLITE NOTICE To whom it may concern: Stop pissing all over the lavatory like a f*cking animal. What is wrong with your p*nis? Is it a corkscrew? Does it flick around like hosepipe? Here's an idea — trying pointing it even vaguely towards the water. You might enjoy the tinkly sound. Give it a shot. Go on. You f*cking animal.

POLITE NOTICE Your dog? Your shit! If I catch you, I will make YOU EAT IT!!!

related: A polite notice from New Zealand

Tags: "polite notice" · dogs · London · most popular notes of 2013 · piss · shit · toilet · U.K.

Is this a toilet?

December 19th, 2012 · 54 Comments

Apparently, when is comes to judging the average person’s ability to correctly assess, “Should I urinate here?” you really can’t be too careful.

In the interest of health these toilets have been sealed. DO NOT USE!!!

Due to persons repeatedly urinating in the elevator, it has been turned off until further notice. If you have any information about the persons responsible, please contact Bill in Centennial 144. Your honesty will be appreciated and will lead to a speedy return of the elevator. Fun Fact: You and your roommate share a bathroom with your suitemates. In this bathroom there should be a toilet. If you are missing a toilet, please call the Fix-It Line at x4687

Health Notice Toilet Issues The Tanning Room is not a Restroom!  It is extremely dangerous for A Total Tan employees to clean up trash cans and under rugs that people have used instead of the public toilet. This will no longer be tolerated!  A Total Tan has a computer record of everyone using each tanning room. In the future, using the tanning room as a toilet will not be tolerated. This will be very embarrassing to you!  It is not embarrassing for us to restart your bed if you need to stop before or during your session. Simply put on your clothes and ask the employee to stop your session.

Especially, it seems, in Chicago — as witnessed by both Julie and Whitney. Although, “To be fair,” Whitney adds, “the entire city seems to be fair game for public urination.”

ObviouslyPlease do not USE this bathroom! I thought the lack of a door indicated that fact, obviously I was wrong.I was wrong

Please - this is not a toilet

related: What is it about thrift store fitting rooms?!

extra credit: Street art by ELBOW-TOE

This is not a urinal.

Tags: Chicago · piss · toilet

The perfect use for Instagram

November 11th, 2012 · 24 Comments

As photographed by Danielle, while she was traveling in the Netherlands:

POEP!

Now you know how to say “poop” in Dutch! (You’re welcome.)

UPDATE: Bill came across this note in the Netherlands a few months back. “It may even be the same note writer!” Bedankt (thanks), Bill!

Bedankt (thanks)

related: Excuse me, sir? I think you’ve dropped something.

Tags: Netherlands · shit

Peed off.

November 1st, 2012 · 79 Comments

Writes Jenny in San Diego: “There are four of these identical laminated signs posted at face height around the tiny front lawn of a house in my neighborhood. The lawn actually would look fine if it weren’t for the rude signs.”

Keep your bitches from urinating on the lawn. They are killing the grass.

related post:
Caught in the act
DO YOU KNOW THESE DOGS??

Tags: dogs · neighbors · piss · San Diego

Go home, boyfriend. You’re drunk.

October 11th, 2012 · 41 Comments

Bryce and his girlfriend Lindsay are an adorable couple. Need proof? One cozy night in, Bryce had a lil’ bit too much too drink. Unfortunately, the bathroom was occupied at the time, so he booted (adorably) in the sink…which happened to be full of unwashed dishes. The next morning, Lindsay found her favorite coffee mug filled to the brim with not-coffee. The result was Instagrammed.

Dear Bryce, Please accept this hand-painted, ceramic panda bear mug. Because you puked in it and now I never want to drink out of it again.  xoxo Lindsay

related: Going up?

extra credit: Mixed Message Coffee Mug

Tags: dishes · drizzunk · vomit · xoxo

Signed, The Cat

September 27th, 2012 · 70 Comments

From a house full of roommates in Texas, our submitter calls this “a prime example of ‘dogs have owners, cats have staff.’”

Anna, please clean my vomit. Thanks. —Cat

related: Hendrix is the cat

Tags: cats · cleaning · roommates · vomit

The Shark Week Scriptures

September 16th, 2012 · 58 Comments

Spotted by Rebecca in a women’s dorm at an evangelical college in St. Louis, Missouri…

Jesus shed his blood for me, so you don't have to as well. Wrap your pad! P.S. We know who you are, nasty!

related post:

What Would Jesus Steal?

Tags: bathroom · bodily fluids · college life · hygiene · Jesus · message to all intended for one · St. Louis · that's disgusting · TMI

Doo unto others

August 26th, 2012 · 24 Comments

This Sunday’s scatological sermon comes to us from Heather in Denver, Colorado:

Poo unto others as you would have them poo unto you.

With a special reading from Lisa in Houston, Texas:

Don't forget to put used toilet paper in the toilet. Please, keep my Father's house clean!

related: A nasty twist on “Man bites Dog”

 

Tags: Denver · God · Houston · shit · toilet · toilet paper

The companion sport to Olympic race walking?

August 7th, 2012 · 31 Comments

Because dribbling isn’t such a useful skill outside of basketball…

The Olympics have started and we get to witness inspirational athletic accomplishments each day. Against this back drop, surely we as a team of professionals on the 14th floor can CONSISTENTLY HIT THE URINAL! It is not that hard folks. If for some reason you struggle (and clearly at least one us struggles every day), just sit down. This is disgusting and it is within our ability to keep the place clean.

Somehow I don’t think suggesting people sit down at the urinal is the answer, though.

Perhaps something a bit more Olympic in spirit?

related: Well, that seems (uri)logical enough

extra credit: Urinal Games [youtube.com]

Tags: office · piss · Pittsburgh · toilet

To spray or not spray?

June 3rd, 2012 · 73 Comments

At our submitter’s office in Fort Worth, the third-floor ladies room has an ongoing problem. “Every single day,” our submitter explains, one particular person uses the facilities and then sprays enough perfume to kill a cow…as if you could cover that smell.”

And yet, given the abundance of pro-sprayers in charge of office ladies’ rooms, I’m afraid this is bound to remain another one of those never-ending workplace disagreements.

If you "poo" in the "loo"....Please don't spray perfume, because it still smells "ewww". (There is nothing worse than perfumed poo. The "poo" smell is still there, but not we have another assault on our poor nose.) We 'poo' too.... It's OK.... Really.....

related: Have you tried Giant Migraine™ scented air freshener?

Tags: Dallas/Fort Worth · ellipses-crazed · message to all intended for one · odor · shit