Entries Tagged as 'bodily fluids'

The Dog Shit Sheriff of Berkeley

November 28th, 2011 · 88 Comments

Joe in Berkeley doesn’t know who this note was intended for, but it showed up on his porch sometime after Thanksgiving dinner.

Mr. Cranky - While I understand that dog[s] shit on your lawn frequently...don't EVER come at me, my girlfriend, or Dog in such an ignorant, aggressive and childish fashion. You are not the dog-shit sheriff of Berkeley. If you ever speak to me in that manner again I will be sure to send a pack of Huskies who've recently eaten pounds of broccoli and chill to shit all over your lawn. If you see me again on the street an apology might make you feel like a BIG responsible boy. Otherwise, don't speak to me, Brroo, Your Neighbor

related: The Pooper Stooper

Tags: dogs · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · shit

Hover & Flow(chart)

November 15th, 2011 · 131 Comments

Writes Erica in New York: “I don’t think this woman is aware that the aggressive automatic flush makes water splash all over the toilet seats…but she’s obviously very angry.”

When you pee, do you squat and hover over the toilet seat?

related: Coffee pot flowchart

Tags: etiquette · flow chart · most popular notes of 2011 · New York · office · piss · toilet

Pissed off — and rightfully so

October 5th, 2011 · 59 Comments

Bob from San Francisco’s explanation: “Partied till 5 am, slept in and missed work, found this note under my door, had to take the walk of shame to find the hose and wash the sidewalk down.” Pooooor Bob, right?

Dear Bob, (I hope I've got your name right), Please do not pee out your bedroom window again! Besides the fact that it is kinda disgusting, unsanitary, and smelly, you make a lot of noise doing it and it wakes me up. Your apartment does come with a toilet - please use it. And it would be the considerate thing to do if you would wash the pavement off below your window. I can smell the urine. Thanks, Jody #2

Meanwhile, in Kentucky…

Bob's urine

related: “Please stop urinating on the door handle” — and other totally reasonable requests.

Tags: actually totally reasonable · drizzunk · odor · piss · San Francisco · that's disgusting · that's unsanitary

So close, and yet…

September 1st, 2011 · 99 Comments

Darin in Chicago came across the note on the side of his neighbor’s garage just as he was throwing his own dog’s crap in the trash can. (This is kinda like getting out the new roll of TP, but then leaving it on the side of the sink to get wet instead of just putting it on the dispenser…except, worse.)

You pick up the dog crap, but insist on leaving it next to the garbage can. I don't understand.

I don’t really understand the logic here either, but perhaps this particular dog owner is still dealing with the scars from dealing with neighbors like this one, from Ottawa:

OLD LADY If I Catch You In The Act Of Putting Your Dogs Crap In Our Cans. I Will Cut Off Your Head And Bolt It To The Hood Of My Car

related: This is not a trash can

Tags: Chicago · dogs · excessive capitalization · garbage · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · recycling · shit · You call that punctuation?

Who declared Opposite Day?

July 12th, 2011 · 59 Comments

We’ve already seen people throwing urine in bottles out of their window…and now, shit in bags? Who does that?!

(Apparently, at least one dog owner in Bailey’s NYC apartment building.)

Someone is dropping bags of Dog Shit from their apartment into the building courtyard. To make matters worse, it does not always make it to the ground. Last nights bag was outside my window. Again. This must stop before management is involved. (Eww, gross!)

related: Throwing cat hair out the window = almost as bad

Tags: dogs · neighbors · New York · shit · that's disgusting · WTF?

How does a 135° angle sound like a couch?

June 13th, 2011 · 90 Comments

If I worked at Steve‘s office, I would definitely be rallying the troops to launch a (non) silent 90° protest of round-the-clock water-glass-filling…and then place “out of order” signs on all the restrooms. (It would be lame, but not as lame as this sign.)

Water Cooler Etiquette

This is not a thing, people! I refuse to acknowledge this is a thing!

related: Is this a thing now?

Tags: a little uptight · clip art catastrophe · etiquette · noise · office · piss · water

How many times did this have to happen before they put up a sign?

June 8th, 2011 · 70 Comments

From a convenience store in Florida:

WE WILL NO LONGER ACCEPT MONEY OUT OF UNDERGARMENTS.

A petting zoo in Virginia:

WARNING: Please do not feed animals from your mouth.

And a U.S. Army post in Washington State:

ATTENTION Do not pass body fluids into drinking fountain. It is a health hazard!

(Thanks to Nicolette, Gaby, and Kharissa for submitting!)

related: Is this a thing now?

Tags: actually totally reasonable · bodily fluids · hygiene · money · most popular notes of 2011 · that's unsanitary · WTF?

Need another reason to skip the tanning bed?

June 1st, 2011 · 120 Comments

Well, besides that whole skin cancer thing, there’s the fact that tanning booths — like  thrift-store fitting rooms — seem to bring out the animal in everyone. And that’s probably not the kind of “golden glow” you were aiming for, right?

Exhibit A) From Margo in Indiana:

Health Notice Toilet Issues The Tanning Room is not a Restroom!  It is extremely dangerous for A Total Tan employees to clean up trash cans and under rugs that people have used instead of the public toilet. This will no longer be tolerated!  A Total Tan has a computer record of everyone using each tanning room. In the future, using the tanning room as a toilet will not be tolerated. This will be very embarrassing to you!  It is not embarrassing for us to restart your bed if you need to stop before or during your session. Simply put on your clothes and ask the employee to stop your session.

Exhibit B) From Lisa in Ohio, an ominous threat indeed:

These cans are for trash only. We inspect between each visit. For everything else we have bathrooms. Violators will have their tanning rights terminated.

Exhibit C) From Emily in England:

NOTICE  We have a toilet for your convenience.  Persons found urinating in the bins will barred from these premises.

Exhibit D) From Ann in Arkansas:

Use our bathroom facilities! This is not the wilderness.

And Exhibit E) From an anonymous fake-baker in Louisiana:

The trash can is not a toilet. For those of you who have not 'peed' in it, Thanks! For the one who did; What were you thinking? Tabatha

related: When nature calls

extra credit: GTK is the new GTL

Tags: hygiene · most popular notes of 2011 · piss · that's disgusting · that's trashy · that's unsanitary

Caught in the act

May 23rd, 2011 · 89 Comments

This bulletin board display from Louisville, Kentucky comes to us via Annie in Colorado, who adds: “I can’t help but feel sorry for the poor dogs caught popping a squat!” (Don’t worry, Annie. As you can see, I’ve taken steps to protect the identities of the canines pictured.)

Maybe it’s the classic crazypants handwriting, but I when I try to envision the creator of this display, the first image that comes to mind is one of those cop-show scenes where they bust in and find a room obsessively wallpapered with photos and maps and newspaper clippings documenting some big (or in this case, not so big) conspiracy theory.

But who knows? Maybe this guy is starting a new fetish mag and just wants to track down these dogs to pay their modeling fees or…something.

DO YOU KNOW THESE DOGS??? 8337 GT. HAS NO DOGS YET THESE DOGS ARE POOPING AROUND THIS ADDRESS. [Response:] GET A LIFE!!!

related: Dr. Freud’s Salon Scatologica

Tags: confusion??? · crazypants · dogs · Louisville · neighbors · rebuttals · shit · visual aids

Dear coworkers: I’m sending this e-mail while sitting on the john! Just thought you’d want to know.

May 3rd, 2011 · 73 Comments

Writes our disgusted submitter: “All that time on the toilet to think, and this is what you came up with?”
______________
How do you say diarrhea politely? I'll be in when I can.

related: Does your roommate have note-writing diarrhea?

Tags: all-staff e-mail · D.C. · illness · office · shit · that's disgusting · TMI