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Entries Tagged as 'bodily fluids'

That’s…actually a totally reasonable request

August 26th, 2010 · 51 Comments

What’s frightening, of course, is that these things needed to be stated in the first place.

ATTENTION: Please stop urinating on the door handle. Thank you!

Please do not vomit on door

Smearing your bodily fluids on the fixtures is not socially acceptable. Please stop and learn some proper hygiene.

(Thanks to Jill in Des Moines, James in the U.K., and Heather and Eric in New York for submitting…and the kid from The Squid and the Whale for the, uh, inspiration.)

related: Apparently every office has someone with an insatiable need to spread the contents of their nose on the wall

Tags: actually totally reasonable · bodily fluids · hygiene · most popular notes of 2010 · piss · vomit · WTF?

Could you spare a tissue for the lady?

August 18th, 2010 · 58 Comments

When Sal spotted this notice at an athletic clothing store in San Diego, he says that while he couldn’t quite picture how a tissue would get the job done in this situation — not to mention how this policy came to be —  “I figured it was best not to ask questions.”

Ladies...if you happen to have forgotten your undies, please ask us for a tissue. We would appreciate it if you didn't try on our apparel commando!

Meanwhile, when I first read this sign — from a club in Vancouver — my first thought was, “Well, that seems like a reasonable enough request.” Our submitter, Cherisse, begs to differ. “Sadly, there is no bathroom backstage,” she explains, ” wnd when a girl’s gotta go, sometimes the other end of the club is a long ways a way.” She adds: “If it wasn’t for the used paper towels being left outside, no one ever would have known.”


So… like Sal, I’m gonna say it’s probably best not to ask too many questions about this one.

related: “Who leaves their panties in the bathroom at work?  Who does that?”

Tags: actually totally reasonable · bold-underlined-caps · hygiene · piss · retail hell · San Diego · Vancouver · WTF?

Hard times with hard water

August 8th, 2010 · 83 Comments

This seems like a reasonable enough request to ask of your housemates…except for the fact that, as Jason explains, “Our water is full of assorted minerals (and who knows what else), and drips from the ceiling above the bathtub all day.”

Please stop urinating in the bathtub. None of us need to deal with that.

So those yellow stains in the tub? Yeah, not urine. Just evidence of a bathtub in need of some serious scrubbing. (And those pink stains on the water cooler? Probably not lipstick.)

But if your shower smells like piss…well, it’s gonna be hard to blame that on hard water.

Dear Pee Bandit,  Sometime the shower smells like urine. Whoever you are, please stop.  Love, the rest of us

related: Who takes a crap in the shower?!

Tags: bathtub · Oops? · piss · shower · signed with love

The bathroom battle of the sexes…a true race to the bottom.

July 21st, 2010 · 79 Comments

Though your attention might have drifted ever so briefly, I’d like to reassure you that the ongoing debate over which restrooms (men’s or women’s) are the foulest continues to rage on — and yes, it’s as nauseating as ever!

I literally received these two submissions — the first from an EMT school in Massachusetts, the second from a non-profit in D.C. — within minutes of each other. Mere coincidence? Or a cosmic clue from the Internet gods that it was time for a showdown between “Angulated Rectum Guy” and “The Queen of Diahrriah?” Okay, that was a gimme. The real question: who would you rather share a loo with?

Exhibit A) as witnessed by Josh in Fall River, Mass.

Hey...... There is no Excuse for leaving the toilet covered in Feces (that is shit in case you didn't know). So...... Whoever is the guy with the angulated Rectum... Please do one of the following: A. Sit down on the seat... it is clean, we pay a cleaning staff! B. See a Dr. ... You have a problem! C. Clean up after yourself! Non of us should be exposed to it..

Exhibit B) From an anonymous bystander in College Park, Maryland


related: And you thought college students were foul…

Tags: bathroom · bold-underlined-caps · D.C. · ellipses-crazed · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Massachusetts · obnoxious definition · office · shit · spelling and grammar police · that's disgusting · toilet

Dr. Doolittle gets tough

June 28th, 2010 · 70 Comments

Jane in Boston says this note appeared on Tomio’s bedroom door, at cat’s-eye level. “Given that I’m pretty sure cats can’t read, it’s the ultimate passive-aggressive sentiment,” Jane says, “but a cat shitting on your bed is pretty passive aggressive, too. What a tangled web we weave.”

Cats- Pursuant to the shit in my bed, you are hereby forbidden from my room until further notice. -Tomio

Meanwhile, a submitter in Cornwall, England spotted this note (again, at pet’s-eye level) on the front door of a house. “It was unclear what the dog had done, how the notewriter expected the dog to read this, or how ‘Diane’ was filming the dog,” our submitter says. “There was no sign of a camera.”

Dear DOG As of tonight you are on camera! You know who you are. Love Diane. Photo No. 1 has been taken!

And yet, it’s this commandment —posted by a neighbor of Marissa in San Francisco — that tickles me the most.

Its [sic] Prohibited for dogs to poop

UPDATE: A bonus note (via Anthonio in Seattle), from…Dirt.

Attention, The flower area is NOT for CAT SHIT. From here on out, any shit found here will be randomly re-located to different places... Get ready for surprises. Love always, Dirt

related: Excuse me, sir? I think you’ve dropped something.

Tags: Boston · cats · dogs · most popular notes of 2010 · San Francisco · Seattle · shit · signed with love · U.K. · you know who you are

Where’s the button for Floor 3.14?

June 9th, 2010 · 85 Comments

Remember: the laws of physics are not to be trifled with. Got that, Pigs Boson?

The pigs Female and male that pi on the Elevator we know who they are. Next time we are taking the police to your house.  Super

Due to the countless people hopping the moment the elevator car stops, we have found it is necessary to install new elevators.  While work is in progress, please remind yourselves that the laws of physics are not to be trifled with, and please use the other two fully functioning elevators.

(Thanks to Luciel in the Bronx and Gina in Wisconsin for their submissions!)

related: Cross-country elevator action

Tags: elevator · piss · spelling and grammar police · the po-po

Grow some thicker bark, why don’tcha?

June 3rd, 2010 · 80 Comments

“If you want respect,” barked the Daddy tree, “you gotta earn it. Show ‘some freakin’ acorns!”

“But Daaaaaaad,” whined the trembling young sapling. “I just…I just want to be beautiful!”

“What is this, a goddamn Shel Silverstein book? Quit your birching already.”

I am a dogwood, I am only lovely in the late spring. I believe it is my job to make the environment more beautiful. Why do you not like me?

(As witnessed by Kevin in Arcata, California, and (below) by Taber in Richmond, Virginia.)

I am a sad sad tree, barely hanging on to life. Please...keep your animals away from me...especially their urine.

But as Michael in Seattle observed, at least one of those sad little trees wasn’t about to let his bully of a father have the last word.

Tree to people: I'm Dead. get new tree & plant it here, OK? Thanks

related: The right to bear fruit

Tags: anthropomorphism · California · dogs · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · martyr complex · piss · Richmond · Seattle

Those puddles on the floor? Not salad dressing.

May 5th, 2010 · 98 Comments

Sure, some things (don’t pee in the freaking trash can!) should go without saying. But if you’re gonna say it, wouldn’t this be the time for absolute clarity? In this situation, the directive “behind the salad bar” seems dangerously vague.

Oh, and did I mention that Jenna in Kansas spotted this notice at a local “salad bar/tanning salon”? Because I’m sure that clears everything up.

Please do not urinate in the trash cans! Restrooms are located behind the salad bar. Thanks, Management

related: What is it about thrift-store fitting rooms?

Tags: Kansas · now that's management · piss · WTF?

Your “Brown Friends”

April 13th, 2010 · 106 Comments

At first glance, would you assume that the the writer of this note….

a) is kind of a racist prick?

b) has a thing against students/alumni from a certain university in Providence, R.I.?

c) has a penchant for using confusing euphemisms for bodily waste?


I’ll admit I assumed the answer was either a or b, until I read the submitter’s explanation about where the note was found: above the stinky toilet in a share house of (mostly male) British university students.

The verdict: Still offensive, just, you know, in a different way.

related: 2 notes, 1 cupcake

Tags: anthropomorphism · college life · shit · thx · toilet · U.K.

Coffee, mate?

April 7th, 2010 · 72 Comments

So, you don’t want to share your super-special non-dairy creamer/handsoap with the rest of the office?

You could go for the semi-direct approach…

Not Community Property

But as Ocie in Petaluma, California witnessed, that might not be enough of a deterrent.

To the person or persons who continue to consume my Coffee-Mate coffee creamer in spite of my name being clearly marked on the container: PLEASE STOP!!!!

In that case, you could try to dial up the crazy a little more, like Nicole in Florida…

Dear Coffee Creamer Thief,  What part of DO NOT TOUCH don't you understand? This is NOT your creamer and I know you didn't ask me if you could have some. Get your own coffee creamer! >:( Querido Ladron de Crema! Que parte de NO TOCAR no entiende? Esta no es su crema y yo seque usted no me pregunto si podia tomasla. Compre tu propia crema para cafe!

Or you just might have to get a little bit creative.

BREAST MILK. Drink at your own risk. : /

URINE sample for my parole officer. Don't Touch.

“Truth be told,” says Mick in McLean, Virginia, “I never did check to see what was in the container.” (Which I guess was kinda the point, right?)

related: I, who should seriously lay off the caffeine

Tags: California · coffee · New York · Northern Virginia · office fridge · Orlando · piss · stealing · Texas