Because it’s Monday and you’re so thrilled to be back at work, I thought it was as appropriate a time as any to bring you these gems from the Columbia, Kentucky and Melbourne, Australia campuses, respectively, of the University of What The Fuck.

(And commenters, please note the enormous exercise of restraint demonstrated by the lack of “anal-retentive” punning in this post’s subject line.)

related: If you needed an excuse to skip the gym today

extra credit: Waste management [youtube]

Our anonymous submitter in California is not the resident of Apartment 105, but she knew exactly who this note was intended for. “The dude in 105 lets his dog out, deposit her gifts on the sidewalk, and then run back. Dude stands and watches her, perfectly at his ease,” she says. “This has been going on for as long as I’ve lived here, so I guess someone finally got fed up.”

Adds our submitter: “This is not the first time I’ve seen a note like this. The shameless are immune to passive-aggression.”

related: passive-allergic

Sarah in Somerville, Mass. wasn’t fazed when she left her apartment one Saturday to find this otherwise “run-of-the-mill your-mother-doesn’t-live-here note”…until she rounded the corner and was greeted by photocopies of the same note taped to every available surface in the hallway.

Then, the next day, another note appeared near the elevator…

…which had apparently been written on the back of yet another (more targeted) note:

“In fairness,” Sarah says, “this whole thing really is gross, and now the lobby and the hallway — in addition to the elevator — smell of vomit. I’m just not sure why the first notewriter thought that spending $10 on copies was going to help.”

And lastly, Sarah adds:  “My mommy didn’t clean up my dorm, either.”

related: Going up?

What do you do when words alone can’t express the depth of your feeling? In the business world, you turn to clip art. And specifically, you turn to screen beans.

If you’ve seen a PowerPoint presentation in the last decade, you’re most likely familiar with screen beans, the clip art collection that will not die.

Says one fan: “Sreen beans are GREAT! they have personality! You have to have imagination and a sense of humor to appreciate them.” You do not, however, have to be an English speaker.

Our anonymous submitter from Norway found this sign in a dirty corner of a factory where he’s been working this summer.

(Loose translation from the Norwegian: IF YOU FEEL THE URGE TO PEE, USE A TOILET. THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT PLACE.)

“The really funny thing about it,” our submitter says, “is that someone has peed (several times) on the actual sign!”

related: Stop! in the name of clip art

extra credit: Absolute PowerPoint [thenewyorker.com]
Powerpoint is evil [wired.com]

In terms of the appropriate sympathetic nervous system response, an e-mail subject line like “big favor” is kinda the modern cubicle-dweller’s equivalent of “Saber-tooth tiger outside cave!”

(Note: this e-mail, our Seattle-area submitter says, is from the very same person who brought us this.)

related: Perhaps it’s time for a little group therapy?

I didn’t think i’d ever see a kitchen appliance more inappropriately anthropomorphized than this fridge, but I think this dishwasher note (from an anonymous submitter in England) dials the WTF-factor up to 11.

related: The passive-aggressive note has not been destroyed; it has been solved

An anonymous submitter in Portland, Maine is currently chafing under one of the most common irritants of communal living: a roommate “who has never once bought toilet paper.”

She and her other roommate tried some of the more subtle manuevers in the passive-aggressive playbook — up to and including the ol’ hide-and-carry — to no avail. (“When we run out, he uses our paper towels instead,” she says.) That is, until her roommate, who’d “had enough of plunging his shit,” decided to up the ante with this note.

related: oh, she said it

Dealing with the rantings of your crazy boss or overzealous receptionist is one thing, but what do you do when your office’s resident passive-aggressive note-leaver doesn’t even work there? Casey in San Diego (a.k.a. RunBarbara) says that’s the situation she’s found herself in at her job.

The offender, Sandra, “has met me a total of twice, both times for less than a minute,” Casey says. Yet for some reason, when Sandra (the aunt of the owner) stops by the office once a week to water the plants and drop off supplies, “she leaves these strange notes EVERYWHERE — and she almost always directs questions about said notes to me,” Casey says. “I often have no idea she posts these notes until someone asks me about the odd directions in them.”

Below, a small sampling of Sandra’s delightfully bizarrre directives. (Just click on the photos to enlarge.)

I’d like to think this note was posted immediately following the “potluck”…

related: The return of Thx Sandra!

At this college dorm in Seattle, our anonymous submitter says each floor ordinarily has one male and one female bathroom. However, because this particular floor happens to have an overwhelming number of female residents, both bathrooms were deemed female-only…much to some guy‘s chagrin.

related: Losing Lisa

The fact that nightclubs have to post notes like this one:

(Thanks to Jeff in New York for passing along!)

related: going up?