PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » piss

Hover & Flow(chart)

Kerry — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 06:58:34 +0000

Writes Erica in New York: “I don’t think this woman is aware that the aggressive automatic flush makes water splash all over the toilet seats…but she’s obviously very angry.”

related: Coffee pot flowchart

Pissed off — and rightfully so

Kerry — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 03:33:11 +0000

Bob from San Francisco’s explanation: “Partied till 5 am, slept in and missed work, found this note under my door, had to take the walk of shame to find the hose and wash the sidewalk down.” Pooooor Bob, right?

Meanwhile, in Kentucky…

How does a 135° angle sound like a couch?

Kerry — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 03:58:05 +0000

If I worked at Steve‘s office, I would definitely be rallying the troops to launch a (non) silent 90° protest of round-the-clock water-glass-filling…and then place “out of order” signs on all the restrooms. (It would be lame, but not as lame as this sign.)

This is not a thing, people! I refuse to acknowledge this is a thing!

related: Is this a thing now?

Need another reason to skip the tanning bed?

Kerry — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 01:26:46 +0000

Well, besides that whole skin cancer thing, there’s the fact that tanning booths — like thrift-store fitting rooms — seem to bring out the animal in everyone. And that’s probably not the kind of “golden glow” you were aiming for, right?

Exhibit A) From Margo in Indiana:

Exhibit B) From Lisa in Ohio, an ominous threat indeed:

Exhibit C) From Emily in England:

Exhibit D) From Ann in Arkansas:

And Exhibit E) From an anonymous fake-baker in Louisiana:

related: When nature calls

extra credit: GTK is the new GTL

That rug really tied the room together, did it not?

Kerry — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 00:49:25 +0000

So, like, “our friend got really drunk and stayed in our room, but when she got up to pee, she opened up the door to our suitemate’s room instead of the bathroom and peed on the rug,” writes our submitter in California. “It was apparently his favorite rug and since he’s spoiled, he asked her to get him a new one.”

Um, okay. “Spoiled,” or not, I’m gonna have to side with the dude here. Offering to clean/replace the rug seems like the very least Drunky McDrunkface could do, no?

related: You’re not wrong, Walter.

That’s…actually a totally reasonable request

Kerry — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 04:18:51 +0000

What’s frightening, of course, is that these things needed to be stated in the first place.

(Thanks to Jill in Des Moines, James in the U.K., and Heather and Eric in New York for submitting…and the kid from The Squid and the Whale for the, uh, inspiration.)

Could you spare a tissue for the lady?

Kerry — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 04:19:04 +0000

When Sal spotted this notice at an athletic clothing store in San Diego, he says that while he couldn’t quite picture how a tissue would get the job done in this situation — not to mention how this policy came to be — “I figured it was best not to ask questions.”

Meanwhile, when I first read this sign — from a club in Vancouver — my first thought was, “Well, that seems like a reasonable enough request.” Our submitter, Cherisse, begs to differ. “Sadly, there is no bathroom backstage,” she explains, ” wnd when a girl’s gotta go, sometimes the other end of the club is a long ways a way.” She adds: “If it wasn’t for the used paper towels being left outside, no one ever would have known.”

So… like Sal, I’m gonna say it’s probably best not to ask too many questions about this one.

Hard times with hard water

Kerry — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 00:29:04 +0000

This seems like a reasonable enough request to ask of your housemates…except for the fact that, as Jason explains, “Our water is full of assorted minerals (and who knows what else), and drips from the ceiling above the bathtub all day.”

So those yellow stains in the tub? Yeah, not urine. Just evidence of a bathtub in need of some serious scrubbing. (And those pink stains on the water cooler? Probably not lipstick.)

But if your shower smells like piss…well, it’s gonna be hard to blame that on hard water.

Where’s the button for Floor 3.14?

Kerry — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 22:00:00 +0000

Remember: the laws of physics are not to be trifled with. Got that, Pigs Boson?

(Thanks to Luciel in the Bronx and Gina in Wisconsin for their submissions!)

related: Cross-country elevator action

Grow some thicker bark, why don’tcha?

Kerry — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 02:52:22 +0000

“If you want respect,” barked the Daddy tree, “you gotta earn it. Show ‘some freakin’ acorns!”

“But Daaaaaaad,” whined the trembling young sapling. “I just…I just want to be beautiful!”

“What is this, a goddamn Shel Silverstein book? Quit your birching already.”

(As witnessed by Kevin in Arcata, California, and (below) by Taber in Richmond, Virginia.)

But as Michael in Seattle observed, at least one of those sad little trees wasn’t about to let his bully of a father have the last word.

related: The right to bear fruit

Those puddles on the floor? Not salad dressing.

Kerry — Thu, 06 May 2010 00:00:24 +0000

Sure, some things (don’t pee in the freaking trash can!) should go without saying. But if you’re gonna say it, wouldn’t this be the time for absolute clarity? In this situation, the directive “behind the salad bar” seems dangerously vague.

Oh, and did I mention that Jenna in Kansas spotted this notice at a local “salad bar/tanning salon”? Because I’m sure that clears everything up.

Coffee, mate?

Kerry — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 18:15:24 +0000

So, you don’t want to share your super-special non-dairy creamer/handsoap with the rest of the office?

You could go for the semi-direct approach…

But as Ocie in Petaluma, California witnessed, that might not be enough of a deterrent.

In that case, you could try to dial up the crazy a little more, like Nicole in Florida…

:( Querido Ladron de Crema! Que parte de NO TOCAR no entiende? Esta no es su crema y yo seque usted no me pregunto si podia tomasla. Compre tu propia crema para cafe!" />

Or you just might have to get a little bit creative.

“Truth be told,” says Mick in McLean, Virginia, “I never did check to see what was in the container.” (Which I guess was kinda the point, right?)

A new twist on the walk of shame

Kerry — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 03:32:46 +0000

Ah, college. While living in an all-female dorm might reduce some types of conflicts…

You also get…this. Explains Hannah in Pullman, Washington: “I live in an all-girls dorm, and guys aren’t allowed to use the bathrooms in the hall. The rule is they are supposed to be escorted out into the lobby…which is a apparently too long of a walk for some people.”

related: (it wasn’t me)

Is drawing with MS Paint ever really necessary?

Kerry — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 19:54:29 +0000

I didn’t think office sign illustration could get more gratuitous than this guy, but then Corinna in Seattle came through with this.

(Add a few hand-drawn penises and you’ve got yourself a Perez Hilton special!)