Entries Tagged as 'piss'

On preparing a hide for tanning

June 3rd, 2013 · 56 Comments

Many cultures throughout history have used urine in the process of tanning [animal hides]. As Amanda in Colorado shows us, that tradition continues today among the animals that frequent the tanning salons of America!

We ask that you PLEASE refrain from using the restroom in our wastebaskets. ALL client activity is monitored. If caught we will PERMANENTLY terminate your tanning account and we will issue NO REFUNDS. Your account will be noted and you will NOT be welcome back. We like to maintain a CLEAN, SANITIZED environment for our clients...Urinating in our trash cans are not only un-sanitary, but, it is disgusting and we will not tolerate such activity. Please note: We can stop your tanning session at anytime and re-start should you need the facilities at any time. Our restrooms are located at the front of the main lobby as you walk into salon. THANK YOU

The takeaway? Whether your poison is sun, spray, or fake-and-bake, it comes with a lovely combination of cancer and piss on the side. (I’m gonna stick with my SPF.)

related: The Golden Glow of the Tanning Salon

extra credit: Newsflash! Sunscreen works. [nytimes.com]

Tags: piss · that's trashy · that's unsanitary

Meanwhile, at the Ministry of Magic…

May 30th, 2013 · 33 Comments

“Obviously there’s something I’ve been missing all these years,” says Marg (a muggle, clearly), who spotted this notice in the restroom at Melbourne’s Flinders Street Station.

Lift out of order

Meanwhile, in the elevator of Lauren’s building in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada…

Before you let your dog, your friend, your date, your coworker or your casual aquaintances rock a piss in this elevatore, please consider this: its gross. Like, really, ewwww. Am I right? Okay then. I just hosted my own private VIM party in here and its not as fun as it sounds. Mmkay?

related: Yer a wiseass, Harry

Tags: elevator · Melbourne · piss · toilet · WTF?

Pissed off (but ever-so-polite)

January 13th, 2013 · 48 Comments

In the U.K. —more so than anywhere else — self-proclaimed “polite notices” are quite often anything but. Take, for example, these two notices, both from London.

POLITE NOTICE To whom it may concern: Stop pissing all over the lavatory like a f*cking animal. What is wrong with your p*nis? Is it a corkscrew? Does it flick around like hosepipe? Here's an idea — trying pointing it even vaguely towards the water. You might enjoy the tinkly sound. Give it a shot. Go on. You f*cking animal.

POLITE NOTICE Your dog? Your shit! If I catch you, I will make YOU EAT IT!!!

related: A polite notice from New Zealand

Tags: "polite notice" · dogs · London · most popular notes of 2013 · piss · shit · toilet · U.K.

Is this a toilet?

December 19th, 2012 · 54 Comments

Apparently, when is comes to judging the average person’s ability to correctly assess, “Should I urinate here?” you really can’t be too careful.

In the interest of health these toilets have been sealed. DO NOT USE!!!

Due to persons repeatedly urinating in the elevator, it has been turned off until further notice. If you have any information about the persons responsible, please contact Bill in Centennial 144. Your honesty will be appreciated and will lead to a speedy return of the elevator. Fun Fact: You and your roommate share a bathroom with your suitemates. In this bathroom there should be a toilet. If you are missing a toilet, please call the Fix-It Line at x4687

Health Notice Toilet Issues The Tanning Room is not a Restroom!  It is extremely dangerous for A Total Tan employees to clean up trash cans and under rugs that people have used instead of the public toilet. This will no longer be tolerated!  A Total Tan has a computer record of everyone using each tanning room. In the future, using the tanning room as a toilet will not be tolerated. This will be very embarrassing to you!  It is not embarrassing for us to restart your bed if you need to stop before or during your session. Simply put on your clothes and ask the employee to stop your session.

Especially, it seems, in Chicago — as witnessed by both Julie and Whitney. Although, “To be fair,” Whitney adds, “the entire city seems to be fair game for public urination.”

ObviouslyPlease do not USE this bathroom! I thought the lack of a door indicated that fact, obviously I was wrong.I was wrong

Please - this is not a toilet

related: What is it about thrift store fitting rooms?!

extra credit: Street art by ELBOW-TOE

This is not a urinal.

Tags: Chicago · piss · toilet

Peed off.

November 1st, 2012 · 79 Comments

Writes Jenny in San Diego: “There are four of these identical laminated signs posted at face height around the tiny front lawn of a house in my neighborhood. The lawn actually would look fine if it weren’t for the rude signs.”

Keep your bitches from urinating on the lawn. They are killing the grass.

related post:
Caught in the act
DO YOU KNOW THESE DOGS??

Tags: dogs · neighbors · piss · San Diego

The companion sport to Olympic race walking?

August 7th, 2012 · 31 Comments

Because dribbling isn’t such a useful skill outside of basketball…

The Olympics have started and we get to witness inspirational athletic accomplishments each day. Against this back drop, surely we as a team of professionals on the 14th floor can CONSISTENTLY HIT THE URINAL! It is not that hard folks. If for some reason you struggle (and clearly at least one us struggles every day), just sit down. This is disgusting and it is within our ability to keep the place clean.

Somehow I don’t think suggesting people sit down at the urinal is the answer, though.

Perhaps something a bit more Olympic in spirit?

related: Well, that seems (uri)logical enough

extra credit: Urinal Games [youtube.com]

Tags: office · piss · Pittsburgh · toilet

Elevation Frustration

May 8th, 2012 · 28 Comments

Ashley says the elevator in this downtown Columbus parking garage has been out of commission for over a week now, forcing those on the upper levels to (egads!) use the stairs.

“The stairwell is, admittedly, quite unpleasant, and is occasionally home to pools of urine,” Ashley says. “But as someone who has never used the elevator for the year that I have been parking there, it’s hard for me to muster sympathy for the writer’s supposed urine-soaked hems. Perhaps he or she should invest in a tailor?”

Attention Buckeye Parking Customers: We really have no intention of fixing this elevator but you may occasionally see us tinkering with it in order to keep up the illusion of customer service. In all seriousness, please feel free to push the elevator button before taking our poorly-lit, damp staircase. And we hope that throughout your day you'll savor the long-lasting smell of urine, which will be coming from your highly absorbent pant cuffs. Thank you for your cooperation, Buckeye Parking Systems

Meanwhile, the people who share this employee parking garage in Los Angeles seem to have become resigned to their fate.

As Candice explains, “There used to be a piece of tape holding the first floor button so it wouldn’t get stuck on random floors. After the city inspector come in, the tape disappeared and instead it was declared (indefinitely) ‘out of service.’”

THE ELEVATOR IS OUT OF SERVICE (WHAT THE FUCK IS NEW)

related: Do your stairs think you’re fat?

Tags: elevator · now that's management · piss

Hover & Flow(chart)

November 15th, 2011 · 131 Comments

Writes Erica in New York: “I don’t think this woman is aware that the aggressive automatic flush makes water splash all over the toilet seats…but she’s obviously very angry.”

When you pee, do you squat and hover over the toilet seat?

related: Coffee pot flowchart

Tags: etiquette · flow chart · most popular notes of 2011 · New York · office · piss · toilet

Pissed off — and rightfully so

October 5th, 2011 · 59 Comments

Bob from San Francisco’s explanation: “Partied till 5 am, slept in and missed work, found this note under my door, had to take the walk of shame to find the hose and wash the sidewalk down.” Pooooor Bob, right?

Dear Bob, (I hope I've got your name right), Please do not pee out your bedroom window again! Besides the fact that it is kinda disgusting, unsanitary, and smelly, you make a lot of noise doing it and it wakes me up. Your apartment does come with a toilet - please use it. And it would be the considerate thing to do if you would wash the pavement off below your window. I can smell the urine. Thanks, Jody #2

Meanwhile, in Kentucky…

Bob's urine

related: “Please stop urinating on the door handle” — and other totally reasonable requests.

Tags: actually totally reasonable · drizzunk · odor · piss · San Francisco · that's disgusting · that's unsanitary

How does a 135° angle sound like a couch?

June 13th, 2011 · 90 Comments

If I worked at Steve‘s office, I would definitely be rallying the troops to launch a (non) silent 90° protest of round-the-clock water-glass-filling…and then place “out of order” signs on all the restrooms. (It would be lame, but not as lame as this sign.)

Water Cooler Etiquette

This is not a thing, people! I refuse to acknowledge this is a thing!

related: Is this a thing now?

Tags: a little uptight · clip art catastrophe · etiquette · noise · office · piss · water