Entries Tagged as 'piss'

Need another reason to skip the tanning bed?

June 1st, 2011 · 120 Comments

Well, besides that whole skin cancer thing, there’s the fact that tanning booths — like  thrift-store fitting rooms — seem to bring out the animal in everyone. And that’s probably not the kind of “golden glow” you were aiming for, right?

Exhibit A) From Margo in Indiana:

Health Notice Toilet Issues The Tanning Room is not a Restroom!  It is extremely dangerous for A Total Tan employees to clean up trash cans and under rugs that people have used instead of the public toilet. This will no longer be tolerated!  A Total Tan has a computer record of everyone using each tanning room. In the future, using the tanning room as a toilet will not be tolerated. This will be very embarrassing to you!  It is not embarrassing for us to restart your bed if you need to stop before or during your session. Simply put on your clothes and ask the employee to stop your session.

Exhibit B) From Lisa in Ohio, an ominous threat indeed:

These cans are for trash only. We inspect between each visit. For everything else we have bathrooms. Violators will have their tanning rights terminated.

Exhibit C) From Emily in England:

NOTICE  We have a toilet for your convenience.  Persons found urinating in the bins will barred from these premises.

Exhibit D) From Ann in Arkansas:

Use our bathroom facilities! This is not the wilderness.

And Exhibit E) From an anonymous fake-baker in Louisiana:

The trash can is not a toilet. For those of you who have not 'peed' in it, Thanks! For the one who did; What were you thinking? Tabatha

related: When nature calls

extra credit: GTK is the new GTL

Tags: hygiene · most popular notes of 2011 · piss · that's disgusting · that's trashy · that's unsanitary

That rug really tied the room together, did it not?

March 7th, 2011 · 129 Comments

So, like, “our friend got really drunk and stayed in our room, but when she got up to pee, she opened up the door to our suitemate’s room instead of the bathroom and peed on the rug,” writes our submitter in California. “It was apparently his favorite rug and since he’s spoiled, he asked her to get him a new one.”

Um, okay. “Spoiled,” or not, I’m gonna have to side with the dude here. Offering to clean/replace the rug seems like the very least Drunky McDrunkface could do, no?

Hey Christina, Thanks for pissing on our carpet while we were trying to sleep. You owe me a new one, and maybe you shouldn't drink so much. Your friends in 21C.

related: You’re not wrong, Walter.

Tags: actually totally reasonable · California · drizzunk · frenemies · piss · roommates · thanks (but not really)

That’s…actually a totally reasonable request

August 26th, 2010 · 51 Comments

What’s frightening, of course, is that these things needed to be stated in the first place.

ATTENTION: Please stop urinating on the door handle. Thank you!

Please do not vomit on door

Smearing your bodily fluids on the fixtures is not socially acceptable. Please stop and learn some proper hygiene.

(Thanks to Jill in Des Moines, James in the U.K., and Heather and Eric in New York for submitting…and the kid from The Squid and the Whale for the, uh, inspiration.)

related: Apparently every office has someone with an insatiable need to spread the contents of their nose on the wall


Tags: actually totally reasonable · bodily fluids · hygiene · most popular notes of 2010 · piss · vomit · WTF?

Could you spare a tissue for the lady?

August 18th, 2010 · 58 Comments

When Sal spotted this notice at an athletic clothing store in San Diego, he says that while he couldn’t quite picture how a tissue would get the job done in this situation — not to mention how this policy came to be —  “I figured it was best not to ask questions.”

Ladies...if you happen to have forgotten your undies, please ask us for a tissue. We would appreciate it if you didn't try on our apparel commando!

Meanwhile, when I first read this sign — from a club in Vancouver — my first thought was, “Well, that seems like a reasonable enough request.” Our submitter, Cherisse, begs to differ. “Sadly, there is no bathroom backstage,” she explains, ” wnd when a girl’s gotta go, sometimes the other end of the club is a long ways a way.” She adds: “If it wasn’t for the used paper towels being left outside, no one ever would have known.”

ATTENTION LADIES ANYONE CAUGHT PEEING OUT THE BACKDOOR WILL BE TERMINATED IMMEDIATELY

So… like Sal, I’m gonna say it’s probably best not to ask too many questions about this one.

related: “Who leaves their panties in the bathroom at work?  Who does that?”

Tags: actually totally reasonable · bold-underlined-caps · hygiene · piss · retail hell · San Diego · Vancouver · WTF?

Hard times with hard water

August 8th, 2010 · 83 Comments

This seems like a reasonable enough request to ask of your housemates…except for the fact that, as Jason explains, “Our water is full of assorted minerals (and who knows what else), and drips from the ceiling above the bathtub all day.”

Please stop urinating in the bathtub. None of us need to deal with that.

So those yellow stains in the tub? Yeah, not urine. Just evidence of a bathtub in need of some serious scrubbing. (And those pink stains on the water cooler? Probably not lipstick.)

But if your shower smells like piss…well, it’s gonna be hard to blame that on hard water.

Dear Pee Bandit,  Sometime the shower smells like urine. Whoever you are, please stop.  Love, the rest of us

related: Who takes a crap in the shower?!

Tags: bathtub · Oops? · piss · shower · signed with love

Where’s the button for Floor 3.14?

June 9th, 2010 · 85 Comments

Remember: the laws of physics are not to be trifled with. Got that, Pigs Boson?

The pigs Female and male that pi on the Elevator we know who they are. Next time we are taking the police to your house.  Super

Due to the countless people hopping the moment the elevator car stops, we have found it is necessary to install new elevators.  While work is in progress, please remind yourselves that the laws of physics are not to be trifled with, and please use the other two fully functioning elevators.

(Thanks to Luciel in the Bronx and Gina in Wisconsin for their submissions!)

related: Cross-country elevator action

Tags: elevator · piss · spelling and grammar police · the po-po

Grow some thicker bark, why don’tcha?

June 3rd, 2010 · 80 Comments

“If you want respect,” barked the Daddy tree, “you gotta earn it. Show ‘some freakin’ acorns!”

“But Daaaaaaad,” whined the trembling young sapling. “I just…I just want to be beautiful!”

“What is this, a goddamn Shel Silverstein book? Quit your birching already.”

I am a dogwood, I am only lovely in the late spring. I believe it is my job to make the environment more beautiful. Why do you not like me?

(As witnessed by Kevin in Arcata, California, and (below) by Taber in Richmond, Virginia.)

I am a sad sad tree, barely hanging on to life. Please...keep your animals away from me...especially their urine.

But as Michael in Seattle observed, at least one of those sad little trees wasn’t about to let his bully of a father have the last word.

Tree to people: I'm Dead. get new tree & plant it here, OK? Thanks

related: The right to bear fruit

Tags: anthropomorphism · California · dogs · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · martyr complex · piss · Richmond · Seattle

Those puddles on the floor? Not salad dressing.

May 5th, 2010 · 98 Comments

Sure, some things (don’t pee in the freaking trash can!) should go without saying. But if you’re gonna say it, wouldn’t this be the time for absolute clarity? In this situation, the directive “behind the salad bar” seems dangerously vague.

Oh, and did I mention that Jenna in Kansas spotted this notice at a local “salad bar/tanning salon”? Because I’m sure that clears everything up.

Please do not urinate in the trash cans! Restrooms are located behind the salad bar. Thanks, Management

related: What is it about thrift-store fitting rooms?

Tags: Kansas · now that's management · piss · WTF?

Coffee, mate?

April 7th, 2010 · 72 Comments

So, you don’t want to share your super-special non-dairy creamer/handsoap with the rest of the office?

You could go for the semi-direct approach…

Not Community Property

But as Ocie in Petaluma, California witnessed, that might not be enough of a deterrent.

To the person or persons who continue to consume my Coffee-Mate coffee creamer in spite of my name being clearly marked on the container: PLEASE STOP!!!!

In that case, you could try to dial up the crazy a little more, like Nicole in Florida…

Dear Coffee Creamer Thief,  What part of DO NOT TOUCH don't you understand? This is NOT your creamer and I know you didn't ask me if you could have some. Get your own coffee creamer! >:( Querido Ladron de Crema! Que parte de NO TOCAR no entiende? Esta no es su crema y yo seque usted no me pregunto si podia tomasla. Compre tu propia crema para cafe!

Or you just might have to get a little bit creative.

BREAST MILK. Drink at your own risk. : /

URINE sample for my parole officer. Don't Touch.

“Truth be told,” says Mick in McLean, Virginia, “I never did check to see what was in the container.” (Which I guess was kinda the point, right?)

related: I, who should seriously lay off the caffeine

Tags: California · coffee · New York · Northern Virginia · office fridge · Orlando · piss · stealing · Texas

A new twist on the walk of shame

August 13th, 2009 · 126 Comments

Ah, college. While living in an all-female dorm might reduce some types of conflicts…

ah, college

ah, college

You also get…this. Explains Hannah in Pullman, Washington: “I live in an all-girls dorm, and guys aren’t allowed to use the bathrooms in the hall. The rule is they are supposed to be escorted out into the lobby…which is a apparently too long of a walk for some people.”

Urine in bottles thrown out windows is disgusting. Please escort male guests to the lobby to use the restroom. Don't make someone else clean up your guest's urine.

related: (it wasn’t me)

Tags: CAPS LOCK · college life · piss · roommates · sex sex sex · that's disgusting · that's unsanitary