Entries Tagged as 'shit'

Pissed off (but ever-so-polite)

January 13th, 2013 · 48 Comments

In the U.K. —more so than anywhere else — self-proclaimed “polite notices” are quite often anything but. Take, for example, these two notices, both from London.

POLITE NOTICE To whom it may concern: Stop pissing all over the lavatory like a f*cking animal. What is wrong with your p*nis? Is it a corkscrew? Does it flick around like hosepipe? Here's an idea — trying pointing it even vaguely towards the water. You might enjoy the tinkly sound. Give it a shot. Go on. You f*cking animal.

POLITE NOTICE Your dog? Your shit! If I catch you, I will make YOU EAT IT!!!

related: A polite notice from New Zealand

Tags: "polite notice" · dogs · London · most popular notes of 2013 · piss · shit · toilet · U.K.

The perfect use for Instagram

November 11th, 2012 · 24 Comments

As photographed by Danielle, while she was traveling in the Netherlands:

POEP!

Now you know how to say “poop” in Dutch! (You’re welcome.)

UPDATE: Bill came across this note in the Netherlands a few months back. “It may even be the same note writer!” Bedankt (thanks), Bill!

Bedankt (thanks)

related: Excuse me, sir? I think you’ve dropped something.

Tags: Netherlands · shit

Doo unto others

August 26th, 2012 · 24 Comments

This Sunday’s scatological sermon comes to us from Heather in Denver, Colorado:

Poo unto others as you would have them poo unto you.

With a special reading from Lisa in Houston, Texas:

Don't forget to put used toilet paper in the toilet. Please, keep my Father's house clean!

related: A nasty twist on “Man bites Dog”

 

Tags: Denver · God · Houston · shit · toilet · toilet paper

To spray or not spray?

June 3rd, 2012 · 73 Comments

At our submitter’s office in Fort Worth, the third-floor ladies room has an ongoing problem. “Every single day,” our submitter explains, one particular person uses the facilities and then sprays enough perfume to kill a cow…as if you could cover that smell.”

And yet, given the abundance of pro-sprayers in charge of office ladies’ rooms, I’m afraid this is bound to remain another one of those never-ending workplace disagreements.

If you "poo" in the "loo"....Please don't spray perfume, because it still smells "ewww". (There is nothing worse than perfumed poo. The "poo" smell is still there, but not we have another assault on our poor nose.) We 'poo' too.... It's OK.... Really.....

related: Have you tried Giant Migraine™ scented air freshener?

Tags: Dallas/Fort Worth · ellipses-crazed · message to all intended for one · odor · shit

A diarrhea-only toilet?

May 10th, 2012 · 60 Comments

Well, this is a new one.

“Just…wow,” says our submitter in Springfield, Illinois. “I’ve never been told that I have to assess my the consistency of my fecal matter prior to it leaving my body.”

Notice: Due to plumbing issues, please use this stall for

related: How you say diarrhea politely?

Tags: Illinois · most popular notes of 2012 · shit · toilet

Will it recycle?

March 14th, 2012 · 49 Comments

Kristen in San Francisco says the copy room is ground zero for office arguments, such as this battle of the “enviro people.”

"Enviro People: Paper wrappers are NOT Recyclable. -Mother Earth" "Really Ma?" "Please Don't Waste Paper for Unnecessary Signage"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meanwhile, Ryan in Minneapolis says his building manager left the following note on the mailbox, apparently “after a vagrant left a little ‘present’ in the recycling bin.” Adds Ryan: “Why he thought anyone in the apartment house would do such a thing is beyond any of us.”

PLEASE DO NOT DEFECATE IN THE GARBAGE OR RECYCLING BINS!

related: Hair is not recyclable!

 

Tags: Minneapolis/St. Paul · rebuttals · recycling · San Francisco · shit · The Earth

Very unfortunate, indeed.

February 22nd, 2012 · 55 Comments

Our submitter in Ohio came into work recently to find this disturbing notice on the door of the women’s restroom. Even more disturbing? This apparently wasn’t the first time this type of incident has occurred.

Our submitter says a group of coworkers spend all morning trying to figure out the logistics of how this shit went down. “The stall is really not that big,” she says, “and in order to miss the toilet, one would have to be standing, practically leaning on the wall, rotated 90 degrees from the usual use of a toilet…and then somehow not see what happened or subsequently decide not to clean it up.”

Very unfortunate, indeed.

Sadly, I think Drew of Toothpaste for Dinner has a point:

Hey, Guess What!!  If someone's shitting on the floor, they probably aren't going to stop if you shame them with a stall memo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

related: THE MAD BOMBER: Never Forget!

Tags: bathroom · bold-underlined-caps · Cleveland · office · shit · that's disgusting · WTF?

The Dog Shit Sheriff of Berkeley

November 28th, 2011 · 88 Comments

Joe in Berkeley doesn’t know who this note was intended for, but it showed up on his porch sometime after Thanksgiving dinner.

Mr. Cranky - While I understand that dog[s] shit on your lawn frequently...don't EVER come at me, my girlfriend, or Dog in such an ignorant, aggressive and childish fashion. You are not the dog-shit sheriff of Berkeley. If you ever speak to me in that manner again I will be sure to send a pack of Huskies who've recently eaten pounds of broccoli and chill to shit all over your lawn. If you see me again on the street an apology might make you feel like a BIG responsible boy. Otherwise, don't speak to me, Brroo, Your Neighbor

related: The Pooper Stooper

Tags: dogs · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · shit

So close, and yet…

September 1st, 2011 · 99 Comments

Darin in Chicago came across the note on the side of his neighbor’s garage just as he was throwing his own dog’s crap in the trash can. (This is kinda like getting out the new roll of TP, but then leaving it on the side of the sink to get wet instead of just putting it on the dispenser…except, worse.)

You pick up the dog crap, but insist on leaving it next to the garbage can. I don't understand.

I don’t really understand the logic here either, but perhaps this particular dog owner is still dealing with the scars from dealing with neighbors like this one, from Ottawa:

OLD LADY If I Catch You In The Act Of Putting Your Dogs Crap In Our Cans. I Will Cut Off Your Head And Bolt It To The Hood Of My Car

related: This is not a trash can

Tags: Chicago · dogs · excessive capitalization · garbage · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · recycling · shit · You call that punctuation?

Who declared Opposite Day?

July 12th, 2011 · 59 Comments

We’ve already seen people throwing urine in bottles out of their window…and now, shit in bags? Who does that?!

(Apparently, at least one dog owner in Bailey’s NYC apartment building.)

Someone is dropping bags of Dog Shit from their apartment into the building courtyard. To make matters worse, it does not always make it to the ground. Last nights bag was outside my window. Again. This must stop before management is involved. (Eww, gross!)

related: Throwing cat hair out the window = almost as bad

Tags: dogs · neighbors · New York · shit · that's disgusting · WTF?