Writes our disgusted submitter: “All that time on the toilet to think, and this is what you came up with?”
______________

related: Does your roommate have note-writing diarrhea?

Moira and some friends recently rented a flat in Rome for a few days — lucky her, right? The only hitch to the plan was the fact their apartment was located on the very top floor, and while Rome might be the “The Eternal City,” spending eternity in a European-style elevator car wasn’t exactly the experience they were seeking.

Meanwhile, if you thought you weren’t afraid of elevators, a visit to the Hampton Inn in Burbank, California might change your mind. This placard inside the elevator (as documented by Kristen from Ohio), has got to be the least-reassuring attempt at preventing alarm I’ve ever seen. The fact that it manages to accomplish the exact opposite of its implied purpose makes me think the person behind it must be some kind of sadistic savant…and that he’s DEFINITELY watching you on the CCTV.

Not the anxious type? Well, how do you feel about dog shit and zombies? So far Kareen in Winnipeg has escaped this particular elevator unharmed, but that doesn’t mean she’s not watching where she steps.

related: Elevator nose grease

extra credit: “The Subway’s Elevator Operators, a Reassuring Amenity of Another Era” [nytimes.com]

extra extra credit: Time lapse video of a man stuck in an elevator for 41 hours [newyorker.com]

Need to borrow a cup of sugar? How about five pounds of dog poop? Well heck, that’s what neighbors are for!

related: Do you want a doggy bag for those leftovers, sir?

extra credit: The perfect leash for dog haters/sociopaths

Sorry, I meant back door. I’m gonna slowly back away now, ma’am…

related: Dear lovely ladies

Nope, the note below isn’t from a old folks home: it’s actually from a music camp for the young’uns.

So, is the writer taking liberties using the royal we? Or is the entire woodwind section really so backed up that prune juice has become a hot commodity? These are questions I’d rather not think about.

On that note, when you complain about your missing Activia — the yogurt Jamie Lee Curtis euphemistically claims will “regulate your digestive system” — referring to said yogurt as “ma shit” may not be the best choice of words to get your point across.

related: Live and not-so-active roommate culture

extra credit: Activia Won’t Cure your Constipation, says FTC [cbsnews.com]

(Thanks to Isaac in Missouri and Kim in Chicago for their submissions!)

Dan in Melbourne says he saw this sign while riding along a North Fitzroy bike path, which runs parallel to a park. Says Dan: “Now, I’ve owned a dog and I know how they like to roll in stinky things, but this it taking it to a new, super gross level.”

More gross than your dog rolling in/eating some other dog’s shit? Or stepping in a fresh pile of it yourself? I’m not sure I’m convinced. (Not that humans should be exempt from proper poop-scooping etiquette, of course.)

Personally, I’d like to imagine this as a triumphant act of payback on the part of a score-settling colon cancer survivor. (“This is for all the times I’ve stepped in your dogs’ crap. Enjoy!!”)

related: Do you want a doggy bag?

Our submitter says this isn’t the first time her father has put up this display in his front yard…proving, I guess that some people will go through a lot of shit just to make a point. (Meanwhile, the neighborhood dogs and dog owners continue to go about their business.)

related: Lost & Found

If you needed another reason to be happy you don’t live in Utah, Justin brings us this explosion of bad ideas from a Provo office park.

(I’m going with “Team None-of-the-Above” for this one.)

related: The bathroom walls are NOT soundproof.

extra credit: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pizza Air Freshener

Two simple rules for using the garbage chute:

DO put your dog poo down the chute.

DON’T put your dog, Pooh, down the chute.

(Thanks to Jason in Ottawa and Catherine in D.C. for submitting!)

related: Garbage chute entitlement

Unsurprisingly, Emily in D.C. says it took less than 24 hours for one her neighbors to call bullshit on the building management’s “exciting news.”

Meanwhile, this building in Columbus, Ohio — which submitter Andrew says is “really nice and fancy-looking” — appears to take the mullet approach to policing its public spaces. (Business in the front, party in the back!)

Adds Andrew: “I 100% believe that this note is legit. I work exactly one block away from where the sign was posted, and a few days ago, I went outside only to find my self interrupting someone who was pissing on our dumpster. We have caught people in the act of shitting in our parking lot, and have also received many “anonymous fecal gifts.”

related: It’s fall! Here are a few updates and several complaints.