Entries Tagged as 'shit'

Papa’s John

October 31st, 2010 · 82 Comments

If you needed another reason to be happy you don’t live in Utah, Justin brings us this explosion of bad ideas from a Provo office park.

I put this in the bathroom (to act as an air freshener) b/c when you crap and leave the door open the smell comes down the hall into my office. I can't work when I smell your BM. If I can't work, I can't make money to buy food for my kids. That can't be very healthy for my kids not to eat. Please shut the door after you crap so I don't have to smell it!!! Thanks!

(I’m going with “Team None-of-the-Above” for this one.)

Why did you put this in the bathroom trash? It makes me really uncomfortable to go to the bathroom when I smell food...Sometimes I can't go, & this is really unhealthy for my body!

I put this in the bathroom (to act as an air freshener) b/c when you crap and leave the door open the smell comes down the hall into my office. I can't work when I smell your BM. If I can't work, I can't make money to buy food for my kids. That can't be very healthy for my kids not to eat. Please shut the door after you crap so I don't have to smell it!!! Thanks!

related: The bathroom walls are NOT soundproof.

extra credit: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pizza Air Freshener

Tags: bathroom · guilt trip · odor · pizza · Provo · questionable logic · rebuttals · shit · that's disgusting · that's unhealthy · toilet · Utah · WTF?

Stop! Don’t chute!

October 17th, 2010 · 56 Comments

Two simple rules for using the garbage chute:

DO put your dog poo down the chute.

TENANTS PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT YOU PUT YOUR DOG POOH DOWN THE SHUTE. IT SMELLS IF LEFT IN. THANK YOU! MANAGEMENT

DON’T put your dog, Pooh, down the chute.

ATTENTION RESIDENTS: DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, PUT ANY ANIMAL, DEAR OR ALIVE, IN THE TRASH CHUTE. If your pet dies, and you do not know the proper way to dispose of the remains, call the office. We will see the remains are disposed of in a humane and sanitary manner.

(Thanks to Jason in Ottawa and Catherine in D.C. for submitting!)

related: Garbage chute entitlement

Tags: animal welfare · CAPS LOCK · D.C. · dogs · landlords and property managers · Ottawa · shit · that's unsanitary

At least in prison they get to play basketball in the courtyard

October 13th, 2010 · 57 Comments

Unsurprisingly, Emily in D.C. says it took less than 24 hours for one her neighbors to call bullshit on the building management’s “exciting news.”

Exciting News!! The Courtyard is Now Open!!

Meanwhile, this building in Columbus, Ohio — which submitter Andrew says is “really nice and fancy-looking” — appears to take the mullet approach to policing its public spaces. (Business in the front, party in the back!)

Do not shit in doorway. Smoke your crack in rear lot. Thank you

Adds Andrew: “I 100% believe that this note is legit. I work exactly one block away from where the sign was posted, and a few days ago, I went outside only to find my self interrupting someone who was pissing on our dumpster. We have caught people in the act of shitting in our parking lot, and have also received many “anonymous fecal gifts.”

related: It’s fall! Here are a few updates and several complaints.

Tags: blame it on the crackhead · Columbus · D.C. · drugs · landlords and property managers · shit · WTF?

How NOT to raise your neighborhood’s property values

September 19th, 2010 · 61 Comments

Tim lives in Northwest D.C., “at the front of the gentrification wave” flowing east from Dupont Circle. “We have (only) one rundown/uninhabited house on the block,” Tim says, “and this morning one of the other neighbors decided to mow the front lawn to tidy it’s appearance a bit.” While taking out the trash later that evening, Tim noticed that his neighbor’s good deed had been rewarded by this neighborly thank-you note.

Dear whoever mowed this lawm [sic], FUCK YOU VERY MUCH. If you're actually responsible for this property, clean up the fuck hobo shit laying around. The entrance to the cellar smells like 100% human feces. THANKS FOR THAT, ASSHOLES.

(As far as the smell goes…perhaps some people were under the same mistaken impression as those near this West Hollywood residence?)

This is a lawn, not a fucking diaper, thank you. Love, The people who live here

related: Gentrification is insanit(ar)y

Tags: D.C. · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · Los Angeles · odor · shit · signed with love · thanks (but not really) · that's disgusting · there goes the neighborhood

Don’t touch my…stuff, you little piece of…stuff.

September 6th, 2010 · 49 Comments

Chad and Cassie might want to be careful what they wish for…lest someone be tempted to “return” something they didn’t actually borrow first.

Chad's Stuff DO NOT TOUCH! BRING YOUR OWN SHIT!

If you go as far as even touching my shit, I'll fucking kill you. [heart], Cassie  PS - Thanks in advance for returning the shit you took, you ball of shit

(Thanks to Travis in Austin and anonymous in Boise for submitting.)

related: Does your roommate have note-writing diarrhea?

Tags: Austin · heart · Idaho · p.s. · shit · touching

My cat-shit crazy neighbor

September 2nd, 2010 · 163 Comments

Edie in Bellevue, Washington wasn’t too happy with the neighbor’s cat using her lawn as its personal toilet, so she finally asked the cat’s owner if she’d please clean it up. “She did,” Edie says, “but only after explaining that the cat poops on everyone’s lawn and no one else minds.” (After asking around the neighborhood, Edie found this to be only half-true.)

Little did they know that cat’s crap was practically worth its weight in friggin’ GOLD!!! One can only imagine the reactions of Edie and her similarly ungrateful neighbors when they finished reading the photocopied letter taped to their front doors. (First place? For three years running?? What fools we’ve all been!!!)

I know you like to complain about white kitty pooping in your yard...but he has won first place at the Average Cat Show the last three years running.
related: Don’t feed the cat (or the trolls)

extra credit: The Radiolab episode about Toxoplasma and crazy cat ladies

Tags: bold-underlined-caps · cats · most popular notes of 2010 · neighbors · shit · Washington state

The bathroom battle of the sexes…a true race to the bottom.

July 21st, 2010 · 79 Comments

Though your attention might have drifted ever so briefly, I’d like to reassure you that the ongoing debate over which restrooms (men’s or women’s) are the foulest continues to rage on — and yes, it’s as nauseating as ever!

I literally received these two submissions — the first from an EMT school in Massachusetts, the second from a non-profit in D.C. — within minutes of each other. Mere coincidence? Or a cosmic clue from the Internet gods that it was time for a showdown between “Angulated Rectum Guy” and “The Queen of Diahrriah?” Okay, that was a gimme. The real question: who would you rather share a loo with?

Exhibit A) as witnessed by Josh in Fall River, Mass.

Hey...... There is no Excuse for leaving the toilet covered in Feces (that is shit in case you didn't know). So...... Whoever is the guy with the angulated Rectum... Please do one of the following: A. Sit down on the seat... it is clean, we pay a cleaning staff! B. See a Dr. ... You have a problem! C. Clean up after yourself! Non of us should be exposed to it..

Exhibit B) From an anonymous bystander in College Park, Maryland

PLEASE CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF'S!

related: And you thought college students were foul…

Tags: bathroom · bold-underlined-caps · D.C. · ellipses-crazed · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Massachusetts · obnoxious definition · office · shit · spelling and grammar police · that's disgusting · toilet

Dr. Doolittle gets tough

June 28th, 2010 · 70 Comments

Jane in Boston says this note appeared on Tomio’s bedroom door, at cat’s-eye level. “Given that I’m pretty sure cats can’t read, it’s the ultimate passive-aggressive sentiment,” Jane says, “but a cat shitting on your bed is pretty passive aggressive, too. What a tangled web we weave.”

Cats- Pursuant to the shit in my bed, you are hereby forbidden from my room until further notice. -Tomio

Meanwhile, a submitter in Cornwall, England spotted this note (again, at pet’s-eye level) on the front door of a house. “It was unclear what the dog had done, how the notewriter expected the dog to read this, or how ‘Diane’ was filming the dog,” our submitter says. “There was no sign of a camera.”

Dear DOG As of tonight you are on camera! You know who you are. Love Diane. Photo No. 1 has been taken!

And yet, it’s this commandment —posted by a neighbor of Marissa in San Francisco — that tickles me the most.

Its [sic] Prohibited for dogs to poop

UPDATE: A bonus note (via Anthonio in Seattle), from…Dirt.

Attention, The flower area is NOT for CAT SHIT. From here on out, any shit found here will be randomly re-located to different places... Get ready for surprises. Love always, Dirt

related: Excuse me, sir? I think you’ve dropped something.

Tags: Boston · cats · dogs · most popular notes of 2010 · San Francisco · Seattle · shit · signed with love · U.K. · you know who you are

Your “Brown Friends”

April 13th, 2010 · 106 Comments

At first glance, would you assume that the the writer of this note….

a) is kind of a racist prick?

b) has a thing against students/alumni from a certain university in Providence, R.I.?

c) has a penchant for using confusing euphemisms for bodily waste?

I WOULD RATHER NOT MEET ANY MORE OF YOUR BROWN FRIENDS. EITHER ASK THEM TO LEAVE OR INTRODUCE THEM TO PEOPLE DOWNSTAIRS. THX

I’ll admit I assumed the answer was either a or b, until I read the submitter’s explanation about where the note was found: above the stinky toilet in a share house of (mostly male) British university students.

The verdict: Still offensive, just, you know, in a different way.

related: 2 notes, 1 cupcake

Tags: anthropomorphism · college life · shit · thx · toilet · U.K.

Truly (worth) discussing

April 6th, 2010 · 125 Comments

Alejandro found this note posted in the men’s toilet of his Santa Monica office building. “All I know is the guy that does this also uses half a roll of TP,” Alejandro says, “so he’s disgusting AND he hates the environment.”

Who ever the guy is that uses this toilet daily and leaves it a mess everyday. Please use the toilet at your house and mess it up. Nobody wants to use this toilet after you shit here. I can imagine what your bathroom looks like at home. The other option would be to have your asshole surgically repositioned so your shit drops straight down like everybody else. If nobody had told you yet, you're a pig, somebody who is truly discussing, and are not fit to use a public toilet. Didn't your mother teach you any manners as a young little pig? At the very least have pity the poor guy who has to scrape and clean your shit off the rim of the toilet daily. When you walk a dog your required to pick up its shit, maybe think of yourself as a filthy mutt, and clean up after your self. God help you when we find out who you are!

UPDATE: Yes, it’s true: women’s toilets are often left in just as “discussing” a state as the one above. As Amanda in Austin recounts: “Somebody at my work had a terribly disgusting accident in the restroom that they did not clean up, and the custodians weren’t too happy. Neither were all the other women in the building. (And though it took place in the handicap-accessible stall, as far as we know, nobody in the building is disabled.)” A trifling matter? I think not.

To the nasty, trifling, inconsiderate inappropriate female, who soiled the handicap accessible bathroom, you should be ashame of yourself. You obviously had an accident, you should at least clean up after yourself as much as possible. It's a shame and a disgrace that the male housekeeper should see such filth from a female! It would be very much appreciated if you would have respect for the bathroom accommodations. Shame on you!!!!!

related: the most disgusting thing

Tags: Austin · California · CAPS LOCK · disgruntled janitor · office · shit · spelling and grammar police · that's disgusting · toilet