Entries Tagged as 'shit'

Oh! Shit!

July 15th, 2009 · 168 Comments

Writes Stephanie in Lubbock, Texas: “One day at work, there were four or five of these bulletins posted above all bathroom trash cans, with an additional flyer posted in the ‘memos’ section on the bulletin board. There’s such rage in her bulletin, it’s like she personally found crap resting on a pile of paper towels.”

DO NOT PUT ANY!!! FECES IN THIS CONTAINER!!!!!!

Meanwhile, our submitter in Pennsylvania explains: “There are only three of us who use this bathroom, so obviously one of the other two people had a problem with me not adequately spraying the sickly-sweet ‘odor masker’ that doesn’t do anything other than mix with the ambient scent in the restroom to make it smell even worse than it might otherwise.”

IF YOU SHIT!! THEN YOU SPRAY!!

Adds our submitter: “Oh, also, this sign went up when I had only four days left working here. I have a pretty good idea how i’ll be ‘celebrating’ my last day.”

related: this!! is how!! you know!! we mean it!!

Tags: bathroom · exclamation-point happy!!!! · office · Pennsylvania · shit · Texas

No, no you can’t

June 9th, 2009 · 226 Comments

Writes our anonymous submitter from San Francisco: “I bought $50 worth of groceries at Trader Joe’s, my boyfriend made an awesome pizza out of [some of] them, and as we were watching a movie and eating some, my uber-bachelor roommate yelled through the door and asked if he could get a slice. The man has rice and soy protein on his shelf in the pantry, for almost two years has been replacing leftovers in the fridge with “IOUs,” and rarely makes anything worth sharing — not that we would impose. Sean said ‘yeah,’ I countered with ‘meh,’ and after 30 minutes of door-slamming, he left this note on the table — along with a sticker on our pizza that said ‘meh.’”

I share my shit with you all the time

related: get your own :)

Tags: art · food · roommates · San Francisco · shit

Keeping peace in the sinks of the Middle East

April 2nd, 2009 · 168 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in Tel Aviv spotted this note outside the kitchenette of a client’s office. In case your Hebrew is a little rusty, she also provided an English translation:

In this kitchen, please feel free to] pour drinks, cut up food, warm things through, stir and mix food, chop food up into ridiculously small pieces, taste whatever you like and eat until you are well satisfied and utterly sated. BUT [the Hebrew slang originating from the Arabic equivalent of "for fuck's sake,"] do it quietly!

In this kitchen, please feel free to] pour drinks, cut up food, warm things through, stir and mix food, chop food up into ridiculously small pieces, taste whatever you like and eat until you are well satisfied and utterly sated. BUT [the Hebrew slang originating from the Arabic equivalent of

Adds our submitter: “Presumably, noise is a problem — I was just tickled by how much I was permitted to do, as long as I kept my mouth shut.”

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Middle East, the U.S. Armed forces aren’t quite so “anything goes.” Except, apparently, when it comes to shitting in the shower.

Oh oh oh, you said DO NOT do

related: Why is it that on this night we’re, like, allowed to eat carbs?

Tags: Hebrew · kitchen · military · noise · office · shit · The Middle East

How many wonders can one cavern hold?

February 4th, 2009 · 132 Comments

After 55 years, the North Shore Music Theatre in Beverly, Mass. is closing its doors, Terrance writes, “and I wanted to preserve the rich history of notes and art that have accumulated over the years.”

First up: this artistic series from the intern lounge. (Sidenote: intern lounge?!)

Somebody pooped in the intern bathroom. And I had to dig it out with this!

Going' to poop in the LOBBY bathroom like the cool kids do.

I'll give you these flowers...if you stop pooping in this potty.

related: I’ll tell you what’s classy, though

Tags: art · Massachusetts · odor · shit · toilet

Sausage-shaped, but lumpy

January 20th, 2009 · 131 Comments

Tom took notice of this “open letter” — a thoughtful missive that clearly merits our collective attention — on a telephone pole in San Francisco.

If we’re really lucky, perhaps this Richard Asshat character will grace us with an open response in the comments, whiteblizzard70-style!

An open letter to the asshat who uses Osgood Place as their own personal shitting grounds

An open letter (close up)

an open letter (close up)

(Note: For your further enrichment, here’s a less faded graphic of the bristol stool scale.)

related: when ph.d.s get angry
extra credit: mcsweeney’s open letters

Tags: dogs · San Francisco · shit · visual aids

The Joker

January 5th, 2009 · 85 Comments

Because it’s Monday and you’re so thrilled to be back at work, I thought it was as appropriate a time as any to bring you these gems from the Columbia, Kentucky and Melbourne, Australia campuses, respectively, of the University of What The Fuck.

Ladies! I'm sorry about the shower but someone pooped in it. When I get the time I will clean it. That is if I get the time. Kay <- Housekeeping

Who takes a crap in the SHOWER?!? (Why so serious?) Dude...

(And commenters, please note the enormous exercise of restraint demonstrated by the lack of “anal-retentive” punning in this post’s subject line.)

related: If you needed an excuse to skip the gym today

extra credit: Waste management [youtube]

Tags: Australia · college life · Kentucky · Melbourne · shit · shower

Lost & found

September 16th, 2008 · 137 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in California is not the resident of Apartment 105, but she knew exactly who this note was intended for. “The dude in 105 lets his dog out, deposit her gifts on the sidewalk, and then run back. Dude stands and watches her, perfectly at his ease,” she says. “This has been going on for as long as I’ve lived here, so I guess someone finally got fed up.”

Property of Apt. 105

Adds our submitter: “This is not the first time I’ve seen a note like this. The shameless are immune to passive-aggression.”

related: passive-allergic

Tags: actions speak louder · California · dogs · neighbors · shit

When dishwashers speak

July 2nd, 2008 · 147 Comments

I didn’t think i’d ever see a kitchen appliance more inappropriately anthropomorphized than this fridge, but I think this dishwasher note (from an anonymous submitter in England) dials the WTF-factor up to 11.

PLEASE FEED ME  I EAT DIRTY PLATES AND SHIT OUT CLEAN ONES   THEY ARE YUMMY  LOAD ME UP WITH DISHES, OR I CRY :(

related: The passive-aggressive note has not been destroyed; it has been solved

Tags: anthropomorphism · bold-underlined-caps · CAPS LOCK · dishes · dishwasher · mixed metaphors · sad face · shit · U.K. · WTF?

You might want to take a hard look at your washcloth.

June 5th, 2008 · 145 Comments

An anonymous submitter in Portland, Maine is currently chafing under one of the most common irritants of communal living: a roommate “who has never once bought toilet paper.”

She and her other roommate tried some of the more subtle manuevers in the passive-aggressive playbook — up to and including the ol’ hide-and-carry — to no avail. (“When we run out, he uses our paper towels instead,” she says.) That is, until her roommate, who’d “had enough of plunging his shit,” decided to up the ante with this note.

ATTN: Due to Dave's continuous mooching, inexplicably high toilet paper usage, and inability to unclog the toilet, I am officially removing all tissue + paper products from the bathroom + surrounding areas. From now own you will have to BRING YOUR OWN TOILET PAPER.  Apologies. If you have any problems you can contact Dave. xoxo, Maxime

related: oh, she said it

Tags: all clogged up · bathroom · Maine · paper product fairy · rainbow-colored · roommates · shit · toilet · toilet paper · xoxo

If you needed an excuse to skip the gym today…

March 28th, 2008 · 99 Comments

Well, our anonymous contributor in Pompano Beach, Florida has one for you.

He explains: “I keep a gym membership so that I can feel good about my financial commitment to my health — not so much for the actual health benefits per se. I hadn’t been to the gym in at least two months when I came across this note posted by the showers. (My shower at home was being worked on.) I’m glad I make it a habit to wear sandals in the shower during my quarterly visits.”

ATTENTION   Please refrain from defecating in the shower areas. It is unsanitary and hazardous to the health and well being of our members and staff. Thank you!

related: The Mad Bomber

Tags: actually totally reasonable · Florida · gym · shit · shower · that's disgusting · that's unsanitary