Entries Tagged as 'shit'

When dishwashers speak

July 2nd, 2008 · 147 Comments

I didn’t think i’d ever see a kitchen appliance more inappropriately anthropomorphized than this fridge, but I think this dishwasher note (from an anonymous submitter in England) dials the WTF-factor up to 11.

PLEASE FEED ME  I EAT DIRTY PLATES AND SHIT OUT CLEAN ONES   THEY ARE YUMMY  LOAD ME UP WITH DISHES, OR I CRY :(

related: The passive-aggressive note has not been destroyed; it has been solved

Tags: anthropomorphism · bold-underlined-caps · CAPS LOCK · dishes · dishwasher · mixed metaphors · sad face · shit · U.K. · WTF?

You might want to take a hard look at your washcloth.

June 5th, 2008 · 145 Comments

An anonymous submitter in Portland, Maine is currently chafing under one of the most common irritants of communal living: a roommate “who has never once bought toilet paper.”

She and her other roommate tried some of the more subtle manuevers in the passive-aggressive playbook — up to and including the ol’ hide-and-carry — to no avail. (“When we run out, he uses our paper towels instead,” she says.) That is, until her roommate, who’d “had enough of plunging his shit,” decided to up the ante with this note.

ATTN: Due to Dave's continuous mooching, inexplicably high toilet paper usage, and inability to unclog the toilet, I am officially removing all tissue + paper products from the bathroom + surrounding areas. From now own you will have to BRING YOUR OWN TOILET PAPER.  Apologies. If you have any problems you can contact Dave. xoxo, Maxime

related: oh, she said it

Tags: all clogged up · bathroom · Maine · paper product fairy · rainbow-colored · roommates · shit · toilet · toilet paper · xoxo

If you needed an excuse to skip the gym today…

March 28th, 2008 · 99 Comments

Well, our anonymous contributor in Pompano Beach, Florida has one for you.

He explains: “I keep a gym membership so that I can feel good about my financial commitment to my health — not so much for the actual health benefits per se. I hadn’t been to the gym in at least two months when I came across this note posted by the showers. (My shower at home was being worked on.) I’m glad I make it a habit to wear sandals in the shower during my quarterly visits.”

ATTENTION   Please refrain from defecating in the shower areas. It is unsanitary and hazardous to the health and well being of our members and staff. Thank you!

related: The Mad Bomber

Tags: actually totally reasonable · Florida · gym · shit · shower · that's disgusting · that's unsanitary

“No adult’s going to waste their time doing that”

February 6th, 2008 · 70 Comments

Based on the online/canine aging scale (one dog year = one youtube day) this video is pretty much on its last legs, but I love it just the same. Consider this post a mercy shot of euthanasia. (And thanks to Maximilian, Jen, Chris, Willa, Nattie, Cat and Dave for passing along!)

related: Oh, shit!

Tags: dogs · Jesus · revenge · shit

This is why your postal worker is disgruntled

January 14th, 2008 · 75 Comments

Amanda spotted this on the door of the post office in Milford, Pennsylvania. (Confidential to the fecal matter general: Dude, I know recycling can be a hassle sometimes, but this seems like a little much.)

Please help us catch the customer that is depositing FECES in our lobby trash cans lobby trash is only for paper trash

Perhaps the Brooklynites who issued this poetical preemptive warning knew what they were doing all along…

a legionnaire's idea of epigrammatic wit

related: this is why your server is cranky

Tags: CAPS LOCK · garbage · going postal · more like crazy · Pennsylvania · shit

When nature calls

January 2nd, 2008 · 128 Comments

I thought it was pretty crazy when Jessie sent in this sign from a thrift store in Wilmington, North Carolina a few months years back…

PLEASE DO NOT USE DRESSING ROOMS AS A RESTROOM IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY ASK FOR MANAGER. No utilice por favor los cuartos de preparacion como banos. En caso de que una emergencia, pida encargado.

Then Ashley sent in this eerily similar note from a thrift store in Barnegat, New Jersey. “The first time I noticed it, there was only one note,” Ashley says. “Weeks later, when I came back to photograph it, they had added a second. Obviously, just the one note on the door wasn’t getting the point across. How do they know that the perp doesn’t only speaks French? That could be the reason for the recurring problem.”

This is NOT a restroom. If you have an urgent necessary JUST ASK. You can use our restroom.

And still, it continues!

Alice saw one at a thrift store in Tennessee…

When I catch the low life piece of trash (And I will) using my dressing room to urineate in, instead of the bathroom, I will have you arrested. You are a vile, disgusting person and if you don't like this message, Come See Me! Owner Mangr

Caity in New Orleans spotted another at Goodwill in Covington, Louisiana…

THIS IS NOT A RESTROOM.  Ask cashier for directions to restroom.  DO NOT use fitting room to use for restroom.  Management

And now this, from Stephanie in Wichita, Kansas. Says Stephanie: “For years at our neighborhood DAV thrift store there’s been a dressing room that has smelled like pee. Turns out we weren’t imagining it!”

Please Don't Use Our Dressing Rooms As A Bathroom....Thank You

Seriously, what is it about thrift store fitting rooms?

related: This is why your postal worker is disgruntled

Tags: Kansas · Louisiana · New Jersey · North Carolina · piss · retail hell · shit · Tennessee · that's disgusting · Wilmington · WTF?

Seriously!?!

December 11th, 2007 · 59 Comments

The inimitable Jeff Rubin passes along this note from the foyer of his Park Slope apartment building. Yup, that’s what you think it is there on the floor. (Perhaps a hapless victim of the bag-tampering deliquent?)

2062270837_08428f5927.jpg

(Jeff says the mess was cleaned up when he checked a few hours later.)

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Brooklyn, confusion still reigns.

Pick up after your dog!!! You are not an animal?

related: Oh, shit!

Tags: Brooklyn · confusion??? · dogs · Park Slope · shit

Oh, shit!

November 11th, 2007 · 170 Comments

My own neighborhood of Park Slope, Brooklyn has high concentrations of dogs, babies, crazies and bloggers, which makes for a heady brew of incredibly well-documented passive-aggressiveness. Certain notes (like this long-running series) show up in my inbox over and over again. I’ve gotten various iterations of this note from no fewer than six different people over the past few months, with good reason.

'poop'

I think the dogged persistence of the note-writer is pretty incredible in its own right, but even better is what the note doesn’t quite explain: these bags weren’t just being stolen — some “juvenile/adult delinquent” was also cutting the bottom of the bags, then putting them back for the next unsuspecting dog-walking victim. Oh, shit!

go find another thrill

juvenile/adult delinquent

(Thanks to William, Kathleen, Elaine, Sarah, T-1-11, and JM for submitting!)

related: What is it about dog crap that pushes Brooklynites over the edge?

Tags: apostrophe abuse · Brooklyn · dogs · ellipses-crazed · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · irregular capitalization · Park Slope · saga · shit · unnecessary "quotation marks"

Dr. Freud’s Salon Scatologica

September 30th, 2007 · 99 Comments

Presenting, for your analysis, this anonymous contribution from a hair salon in Bettendorf, Iowa (pop. 32,394). For the scatologically inclined vandal (and for Putz’s owner) the unconscious issues at play appear to be anything but borderline. College psych majors: care to address which stage of psychosexual development is associated with passive-aggressiveness?

To the Poop Planting Bandit

related: I can’t stand this shit anymore

UPDATE: Here’s a little more backstory on the situation from our note’s submitter. (Warning: this might confuse more than it illuminates.)

the owner of a salon i work at posted this for the individual that had placed dog poop in the corridor that is shared by other businesses. they left the feces in the hallway shortly after her and her st. bernard, putz, arrived to work. putz goes everywhere with her. for the past eight months he’s grown tremendously, and his massive size at this point has freaked out other store owners. putz sleeps in the back room and he has suburb potty training skills — and his owner always picks up after him.

the landlord approached her [re: the feces in the hallway] and said he was very bothered by the possible health code concern. he later told her not to worry about it, seeing how it was totally impossible for putz to let himself out the back door, take a dump in the corridor, then turn around and open the door to let himself back in.

someone kept tearing down her note, so she added the written message at the bottom.

Tags: dogs · Freudian shit · Iowa · office · rebuttals · shit

Containing as much or as many as is possible or normal

August 8th, 2007 · 50 Comments

In all fairness, says Brandi in Austin, “This note was written after our dishes became so caked with fungus that we had to buy new stuff. The smell was also REALLY bad.”

NOTICE!!! *Please Commence Immediately* To anyone who Lives, Naps, Shits, Farts, Eats, Sleeps, Fucks, Rests, OR DOES ANYTHING in this house: This is including but not limited to: Brandi, Summer, Keiran, Jason, Peter, Jonathan, Mary, ANYONE!! (Guests are not excluded) PLEASE DO NOT leave dirty dishes, old beer bottles, half eaten shit, or any trash strewn about the apt. If the trash can is full, PLEASE empty it and replace the bag. (If there any other questions about the definition of full, see m-w.com) Try to clean off any plates and dirty cups for placement in the dishwasher. The WHOLE COLLECTIVE would appreciate it greatly. Thank you, owners/operators

related: May the sanctity of the sink prevail!

Tags: Austin · dishes · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · garbage · internet citation · lOWERCASE l · obnoxious definition · roommates · shit · Texas