PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » California http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people Wed, 08 Feb 2012 19:51:33 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Good God, Lemon. http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/31/good-god-lemon/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/31/good-god-lemon/#comments Wed, 01 Feb 2012 01:35:26 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=20897 Our submitter spotted this unusual sales pitch while driving in Livermore, California. (“The dealership sucks, the car sucks, but it’s for sale if you want to buy it!”)

This pile of crap gets 8 mpg not the 18 to 22 mpg I was told. Livermore Ford will outright lie to sell you garbage. A Sunkist Ford. It is very dependable to breakdown. Super crappy ... for sale.

related: You lied to me, Mr. Lundegaard.

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/31/good-god-lemon/feed/ 50 Got game? http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/23/god-on-gamers/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/23/god-on-gamers/#comments Tue, 24 Jan 2012 01:29:00 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=20871 While perusing the magazines at Barnes & Noble, Shelly found this bit of divine snark affixed to the latest XBOX magazine.

Keep Reading You still will be single. - God

Haterz still will hate, I guess?

related: Cigarettes & energy drinks

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/23/god-on-gamers/feed/ 30 Clap Your Hands Say Nah http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/07/the-clapping-neighbor/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/07/the-clapping-neighbor/#comments Tue, 08 Nov 2011 03:42:42 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19734 “For the past couple of weeks,” writes Anna in Oakland, “someone in the alley or the building next door to mine has started clapping every day at 8:30 a.m. Just clapping. For at least ten minutes at a time. It’s been driving me crazy, and apparently I’m not the only one.”

Yeah, I can see how that would get old.

Dear neighbor who likes to clap by his open window on the alley early in the morning: Please have some consideration for your neighbors who are still sleeping. Please close your window. Or do your clapping thing in the middle of the day instead of the early morning. Thanks, A neighbor who sleeps later than you.

related: What the hell is going on at this office?

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/07/the-clapping-neighbor/feed/ 85 My Other Kid Could Beat Up My Honor Student http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/19/dueling-bumper-stickers/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/19/dueling-bumper-stickers/#comments Thu, 20 Oct 2011 01:37:04 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19617 Writes Daniel in Oakland: “I love the tension between the ‘student of the month’ sticker on top and the totally passive-aggressive ‘every child is honored’ sticker below it.”

related: The car you drive can say a lot about you as a person.

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/19/dueling-bumper-stickers/feed/ 80 Pissed off — and rightfully so http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/05/window-pisser/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/05/window-pisser/#comments Thu, 06 Oct 2011 03:33:11 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19512 Bob from San Francisco’s explanation: “Partied till 5 am, slept in and missed work, found this note under my door, had to take the walk of shame to find the hose and wash the sidewalk down.” Pooooor Bob, right?

Dear Bob, (I hope I've got your name right), Please do not pee out your bedroom window again! Besides the fact that it is kinda disgusting, unsanitary, and smelly, you make a lot of noise doing it and it wakes me up. Your apartment does come with a toilet - please use it. And it would be the considerate thing to do if you would wash the pavement off below your window. I can smell the urine. Thanks, Jody #2

Meanwhile, in Kentucky…

Bob's urine

related: “Please stop urinating on the door handle” — and other totally reasonable requests.

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/05/window-pisser/feed/ 59 Governor of California to State Senate: “Get Stuffed.” http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/02/get-stuffed/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/02/get-stuffed/#comments Sun, 02 Oct 2011 19:36:23 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19498 Well played, Jerry Brown.

To the Members of the California State Senate: I am signing SB 769 which allows for a dead mountain lion to be stuffed and displayed. This presumably important bill earned overwhelming support by both Republicans and Democrats. If only that same energetic bipartisan spirit could be applied to creating clean energy jobs and ending tax laws that send jobs out of state. Sincerely, Edmund G. Brown Jr.

related: We hope you enjoy these jobs…because we paid for them!

extra credit: “Look at that antelope driving a car!” [via thinkprogress.com]

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/02/get-stuffed/feed/ 43 “Write what you know,” as the saying goes http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/16/my-evil-mom/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/16/my-evil-mom/#comments Fri, 16 Sep 2011 19:29:02 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19388 When Shelby‘s third-grade son was having trouble with his homework assignment (two paragraphs of creative writing a day), her suggestion was to just write about what came to mind first. As she realized later when she found the page in a stack of old school work: “He did not hold back.”

My evil mom forced me write these horrible words. Five times each. And she tortured me by making me write 200 words. Now my arm hurts really bad. Now she's torturing me some more by making me write this stupid two paragraphs. I wish that she will stop torturing me!

related: “Drunk Mommy”

extra credit: “Don’t Write What You Know” [theAtlantic.com]

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/16/my-evil-mom/feed/ 41 In case you’d forgotten that you are but a tiny, eminently replaceable cog in this vast machine… http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/08/18/in-the-loop/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/08/18/in-the-loop/#comments Fri, 19 Aug 2011 00:12:27 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19213 Your corporate overlords would like to offer this friendly reminder of how much we value our employees!

Hi Everyone, Effective immediately, [redacted] no longer works for [redacted]. On a more positive note, [redacted] (a new Qualifier) starts on Monday! Just wanted to keep everyone in the loop. I hope your [sic] having a great day!! TGIF... :) Thank you

related: Recession incentive plan

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/08/18/in-the-loop/feed/ 77 The Tooth Fairy meets Tiger Mother, with a dash of “Go the F**k to Sleep” http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/07/19/tooth-fairy-gets-real/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/07/19/tooth-fairy-gets-real/#comments Wed, 20 Jul 2011 00:47:09 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=18934 If you’re too jaded to handle the cuteness factor of kids’ overly-demanding notes to the Tooth Fairy, you still might get kick out of this tooth-in-cheek note from the Tooth Fairy herself.

Explains Mindi (a.k.a. Mindy) from Santa Cruz, California: “In elementary school, I played the string bass in the school orchestra, and my parents were paying for private tutoring lessons. Obviously, I wasn’t practicing enough!”

Mindy, You must practice your bass or I won't be back again. Signed The Tooth Fairy

Adds Mindi: “I later cut this out and put it in my scrapbook. (The ‘really?’ on the side was mine.)”

related: Not to be hard, but I need money.

extra credit: Go to F**ck to Sleep [amazon.com]

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/07/19/tooth-fairy-gets-real/feed/ 29 Please change. http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/07/07/change-is-good/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/07/07/change-is-good/#comments Fri, 08 Jul 2011 00:22:30 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=18893 Our submitter in Tucson, Arizona was a little perplexed by the sign hanging up in newly-assigned cubicle, but didn’t think much of it. When he finally got around to asking his bosses about it, they somewhat cryptically responded that the last person to work in that cubicle “had a problem with change.”

(It’s unclear who made the decision that a change of job was in order for that particular ex-employee.)

CHANGE is Good! We like CHANGE! CHANGE is our FRIEND!

Meanwhile, Bethany in Bakersfield, California still isn’t quite sure what to make of this note, which she found on her desk one morning at work. (“Did someone start to write a message and get distracted two words in?” Or am I living my life in such a way that they simply can’t handle it any longer?”)

Bethany, Please change

related: A little bit of psycho-therapy

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/07/07/change-is-good/feed/ 55 The wrong kind of sticky pad http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/07/05/wrong-sticky-pad/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/07/05/wrong-sticky-pad/#comments Tue, 05 Jul 2011 23:23:12 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=18885 I get that you’re trying to make a point here, lady…but…really?

Please put the toilet seat back down if you use the ladies room...thx!

(And if you just had to go go there, you could have least written, “Always put the toilet back down.” Just sayin’.)

related: The bathroom battle of the sexes…a true race to the bottom.

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/07/05/wrong-sticky-pad/feed/ 63 It’s a toilet, not your your asstray http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/05/24/cigarette-asses/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/05/24/cigarette-asses/#comments Wed, 25 May 2011 03:01:08 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=18549 I don’t really want to know what “cigarette ashes” is supposed to mean in this context…

TO THE GENTLEMAN WHO LEAVES 'CIGARETTE ASHES' ON THE TOILET SEAT - YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE - IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TREAT YOUR CONDITION, AT LEAST HAVE THE COURTESY TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF, RATHER THAN LEAVING IT TO OTHERS TO RISK CONTRACTING GOD-KNOWS-WHAT WHEN THEY HAVE TO CLEAN UP FOR YOUR DETRITUS.

…but hey, look what I found on the Internets!

related: Your “Brown Friends”

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/05/24/cigarette-asses/feed/ 53 It’s like an entire episode of Seinfeld on one door http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/05/15/this-is-not-a-public-restroom/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/05/15/this-is-not-a-public-restroom/#comments Sun, 15 May 2011 22:00:05 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=18479 From the NON-public restroom inside a deli in Bishop, California:

Wow! This place is awesome! The food is great! That is what you should be saying if you bought something. But instead you're starting to feel guilty about free loading on our rest room. Maybe the

related: “If it wasn’t for the toilet, there would be no books.”

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/05/15/this-is-not-a-public-restroom/feed/ 61 Claustrophobic? You might want to avoid these elevators. http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/04/28/scary-elevators/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/04/28/scary-elevators/#comments Thu, 28 Apr 2011 23:51:43 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=18218 Moira and some friends recently rented a flat in Rome for a few days — lucky her, right? The only hitch to the plan was the fact their apartment was located on the very top floor, and while Rome might be the “The Eternal City,” spending eternity in a European-style elevator car wasn’t exactly the experience they were seeking.

!!WARNING!! Before opening the doors wait until the elevator stops at the floor completely. If no you remain stuck in it FOREVER!

Meanwhile, if you thought you weren’t afraid of elevators, a visit to the Hampton Inn in Burbank, California might change your mind. This placard inside the elevator (as documented by Kristen from Ohio), has got to be the least-reassuring attempt at preventing alarm I’ve ever seen. The fact that it manages to accomplish the exact opposite of its implied purpose makes me think the person behind it must be some kind of sadistic savant…and that he’s DEFINITELY watching you on the CCTV.

SHOULD THE ELEVATOR DOORS FAIL TO OPEN, DO NOT BECOME ALARMED. THERE IS LITTLE DANGER OF RUNNING OUT OF AIR OR OF THIS ELEVATOR DROPPING UNCONTROLLABLY.

Not the anxious type? Well, how do you feel about dog shit and zombies? So far Kareen in Winnipeg has escaped this particular elevator unharmed, but that doesn’t mean she’s not watching where she steps.

Depositing of fecal matter in said elevator-car is most definitely considered foul and repugnant. Please don't. P.S. Keep-thou wary and worked-up in case of mutant elevator-monkey-zombies. THANKS

related: Elevator nose grease

extra credit: “The Subway’s Elevator Operators, a Reassuring Amenity of Another Era” [nytimes.com]

extra extra credit: Time lapse video of a man stuck in an elevator for 41 hours [newyorker.com]

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