Entries Tagged as 'Ontario'

La petite mort du poulet

November 5th, 2013 · 50 Comments

Melissa in Ontario received this note — attached to a raw chicken breast and wrapped in plastic wrap — pushed through her mail slot several years ago. To this day, she says, “I’ve never been able to figure out what I did that was so horrible/distracting that it ruined the best orgasm of someone’s life and also what raw chicken has to do with it.”

Thanks for ruining the best orgasm of my life!

related: Down and dirty down under

Tags: Ontario · sex sex sex · thanks (but not really) · WTF?

The story of STUPID CAT

September 19th, 2013 · 85 Comments

Before you cry “FAKE!” — I would have filed this away in the “too-good-to-be-true,” pile, had not Deniz in Ontario stepped forward to admit that he is the mad man behind this posters. Explains Deniz: “I made this flyer because I had had enough of this STUPID CAT wrecking my flowers and window screen, but in the end all it accomplished was making my boyfriend think I was crazy. Oh, and I put my real phone number on it (stupid).”

I’ve gotta say, Deniz, you had me at “photo of similar looking cat.” This is my favorite crazypants submission in a long, long time.

WHOSE STUPID CAT IS THIS??? (photo of similar looking cat)  If you know whose STUPID CAT this is, contact 705-XXX-XXXX with information.  Your stupid female grey and cream cat with a PINK collar keeps squashing my plants and ATTACKING my window screen to bug my well behaved indoor cat.  PLEASE do something about your STUPID CAT or I WILL NOT BE NICE.

Adds Deniz: “The STUPID CAT still remains at large. I have given up on planting flowers.”

related: Beware of barking mad cat lovers!

Tags: cats · crazypants · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · most popular notes of 2013 · Ontario

I hope you step in a puddle in fresh socks!

July 28th, 2013 · 49 Comments

“A couple of fairly large bike-stealing rings just got busted here,” writes Caitlin in Waterloo, Ontario. “There were a lot of thefts, but this is the only note I’ve seen.” (How utterly un-Canadian!)

Dear Bike Thief, I'm sorry about the circumstances in your life that led you to feel the need to steal my bike. Although I do wish that you step on a Lego or in a kitchen puddle wearing fresh socks, I hope that taking my bike has helped your life get back on track.

related: Dear thief, I hope you…

extra credit: Stepping on Legos [youtube.com]

Tags: bicycle · Ontario · stealing · Waterloo

You’re saying YOU have more than an eighth-grade education?

September 10th, 2012 · 51 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in Toronto spotted this note — one copy in the elevator, and three copies taped to a couch that had been left near the dumpster in the building’s parking lot.

THIS MESSAGE GOES OUT TO THE MORON IN THIS BUILDING WHO THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO PUT THEIR COUCH AND BLANKET IN THE PARKING LOT. ON BEHALF OF THE RESIDENTS IN THIS BUILDING WHO HAVE MORE THAN A GRADE EIGHT EDUCATION, IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT YOU ACTUALLY TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OVER YOUR CHOICES AND DISPOSE OF YOUR PURCHASES? IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT YOU BOUGHT SUCH AND UGLY COUCH, BUT EVEN WORSE THAT YOU MAKE OTHER PEOPLE STARE AT IT. THE FACT THAT YOU LEFT IT HERE MEANS ONE OF TWO THINGS. YOU EITHER HAVE THE MENTALITY OF A FIVE YEAR OLD OR YOUR RICH PARENTS BABIED YOU INTO THINKING THIS WAS ACCEPTABLE BEHAIVIOUR. EITHER WAY, IT'S THE SAME THING. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. YOU'RE THE REASON EVOLUTION TAKES SO LONG.

Dear Sir: Your “behaiviour,” spelling, and poor understanding of evolutionary theory don’t suggest that you graduated at the top of your class, either.

THIS MESSAGE GOES OUT TO THE MORON IN THIS BUILDING WHO THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO PUT THEIR COUCH AND BLANKET IN THE PARKING LOT. ON BEHALF OF THE RESIDENTS IN THIS BUILDING WHO HAVE MORE THAN A GRADE EIGHT EDUCATION, IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT YOU ACTUALLY TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OVER YOUR CHOICES AND DISPOSE OF YOUR PURCHASES? IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT YOU BOUGHT SUCH AND UGLY COUCH, BUT EVEN WORSE THAT YOU MAKE OTHER PEOPLE STARE AT IT. THE FACT THAT YOU LEFT IT HERE MEANS ONE OF TWO THINGS. YOU EITHER HAVE THE MENTALITY OF A FIVE YEAR OLD OR YOUR RICH PARENTS BABIED YOU INTO THINKING THIS WAS ACCEPTABLE BEHAIVIOUR. EITHER WAY, IT'S THE SAME THING. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. YOU'RE THE REASON EVOLUTION TAKES SO LONG.

related: Who says Canadians are nice?

extra credit: Humans are still evolving, scientists say

Tags: CAPS LOCK · more aggressive than passive · neighbors · Toronto

Memento, the sequel

August 5th, 2012 · 20 Comments

Hey, Lenny, if you’re looking for an idea for your next tattoo, how about, “Don’t trust anything written in Comic Sans.”

James is a Liar Cheater and a Betrayer. you are pregnant with his baby, you need to know this. Don't trust him. Don't believe a word he says.

(Thanks to Syrah in Toronto for submitting!)

related: A little advice for the ladies

Tags: Comic Sans Alert · Toronto · WTF?

Lactose Intolerance

May 25th, 2012 · 51 Comments

Writes Steph in Toronto: “Most of the notices posted in the elevator of my condo building are pretty standard (fire alarm drills, etc.) but this one’s special. It just raises so many questions: Was the milk expired? Were they throwing it at someone? How much milk are we talking about that it’s a ‘matter of public safety’? I need to know!”

We have received reports of a resident throwing MILK off their balcony on the southeast side of the building. This is disgusting, unsanitary, and extremely messy for the residents below you. Do not ever throw or drop anything off your balcony – this is a matter of public safety as well as cleanliness, and legal charges will be pursued against any resident caught doing this at any time. We expect all residents to treat this building with courtesy and respect. Remember – this is your home too.

related: Urine in bottles thrown out windows is disgusting

Tags: milk · that's unsanitary · Toronto · WTF?

But it was so cute when the baby panda did it!

March 21st, 2012 · 37 Comments

One of the employees at Rebecca’s workplace in Toronto is unfortunately prone to surprise sneezing fits…much to the chagrin of a certain co-worker. After one too many gesundheits, this coworker apparently decided to go public with her message, posting this note where the sneezer  — god bless her — would be sure to see it.

(ALEX PLEASE DO NOT SNEEZE ON ME!) (COVER YOUR MOUTH!)

extra credit:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2QAGVMlns4

related: You’re not wrong, Walter…

Tags: CAPS LOCK · heartwarming compassion · hygiene · office · Toronto

My neighbors are always sticking their butts where they don’t belong

March 20th, 2012 · 122 Comments

Heather in Toronto lives in a large -rise apartment, so she says it’s difficult to determine the identity of the ash-holes who are tossing their cigarette butts off their balconies with no apparent concern for either the earth or the people living down below. Heather says this photo doesn’t even show the full extent of the problem — there are many, many more butts around — so “feel free to suggest a new short message!”

GET AN ASHTRAY

related: Cat hair? Chuck it out the window!

Tags: most popular notes of 2012 · neighbors · smoking · Toronto

Meet the World’s Crankiest Roommate

February 9th, 2012 · 231 Comments

If the 21 notes you’ve already posted around the house haven’t made a difference…do you really think the 22nd is going to be the one that finally clicks? Just a thought!

The party stops as soon as you walk in

No one wants to walk in a pool when we're not in a pool

We're not trying to create a big foot

This isn't a closet

We don't want trash in our house

We don't house people who come from the bar

related: The Post-It Wars

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · cleaning · dishes · money · most popular notes of 2012 · noise · Ontario · roommates · smoking

Mad Santa

December 23rd, 2011 · 27 Comments

Writes Mimi in Toronto: “Me being 17 and my brother being 19, we weren’t particularly interested in doing the whole ‘leave Santa provisions’ charade on Christmas Eve. Our mother took offense to our lack of Christmas spirit, and we awoke the next morning to this note, along with some half eaten cookies and carrots.”

Dear Mimi and Ben, What the fuck?! No cookies, drink and carrots for Santa and his reindeer?! What kind of hospitality is that?! Sheesh. Love, Santa P.S. I helped myself thankyouverymuch

related: All I want for Christmas

Tags: Christmas · family · Toronto