Entries Tagged as 'Canada'

The story of STUPID CAT

September 19th, 2013 · 87 Comments

Before you cry “FAKE!” — I would have filed this away in the “too-good-to-be-true,” pile, had not Deniz in Ontario stepped forward to admit that he is the mad man behind this posters. Explains Deniz: “I made this flyer because I had had enough of this STUPID CAT wrecking my flowers and window screen, but in the end all it accomplished was making my boyfriend think I was crazy. Oh, and I put my real phone number on it (stupid).”

I’ve gotta say, Deniz, you had me at “photo of similar looking cat.” This is my favorite crazypants submission in a long, long time.

WHOSE STUPID CAT IS THIS??? (photo of similar looking cat)  If you know whose STUPID CAT this is, contact 705-XXX-XXXX with information.  Your stupid female grey and cream cat with a PINK collar keeps squashing my plants and ATTACKING my window screen to bug my well behaved indoor cat.  PLEASE do something about your STUPID CAT or I WILL NOT BE NICE.

Adds Deniz: “The STUPID CAT still remains at large. I have given up on planting flowers.”

related: Beware of barking mad cat lovers!

Tags: cats · crazypants · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · most popular notes of 2013 · Ontario

Failure to Yeild

August 14th, 2013 · 81 Comments

“My spelling skills are a perpetual work in progress,” admits Kelly in Calgary. “When I told my sticky-note-happy coworker about my most recent spelling mistake caught by my boss, she decided to take action.”

YIELD — i before e except after c...bla bla blah — yIELd - IE  — yield yield yield

related: A personal pet peive

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · Calgary · i before e · office · smartass · spelling and grammar police

I hope you step in a puddle in fresh socks!

July 28th, 2013 · 49 Comments

“A couple of fairly large bike-stealing rings just got busted here,” writes Caitlin in Waterloo, Ontario. “There were a lot of thefts, but this is the only note I’ve seen.” (How utterly un-Canadian!)

Dear Bike Thief, I'm sorry about the circumstances in your life that led you to feel the need to steal my bike. Although I do wish that you step on a Lego or in a kitchen puddle wearing fresh socks, I hope that taking my bike has helped your life get back on track.

related: Dear thief, I hope you…

extra credit: Stepping on Legos [youtube.com]

Tags: bicycle · Ontario · stealing · Waterloo

The Considerate Thief

July 2nd, 2013 · 42 Comments

Chelsea in Canada was biking past her neighbo(u)r’s lawn when she saw this sign, and the sheer Canadian-ness of it made her laugh so hard she nearly fell off her bike. (Chelsea then apologized to her handlebars, the asphalt, and the world in general before snapping this photo and continuing, politely, on her way.)

Happy Belated Canada Day, everyone!

If you steal our rhubarb, pull the root out with the stem. When you chop the stem at the base, the rhubarb doesn't grow back. Please be a considerate thief.

related: Canadian is Angry; Still Says “Thank You”

 

Tags: Canada · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · most popular notes of 2013 · painfully polite · stealing

No problem — ’twas a piece of a cake!

June 18th, 2013 · 91 Comments

“Our organization recently moved most of its employees from several small offices into one large office,” writes our submitter in Vancouver. “It only took five months for the kitchen conflict to ramp up into a full-blown note war.”

thank you for helping yourself to half of my birthday cake....I guess I didn't need the whole cake to share with my friends and coworkers anyways. ...and happy birthday to you too!

To the leaver of the cake: You're very welcome.

...and someone helped themselves to one of my steam buns (leftovers) in a takeout box but I have a bad cold so they'll get the bad karma back.

related: Let the rest of us eat cake.

Tags: birthday · cake · karma's a bitch · note wars · office fridge · stealing · thanks (but not really) · Vancouver

Your cleanliness offends me!

March 12th, 2013 · 84 Comments

“When my downstairs neighbour first moved in, I thought we would be friends,” says our submitter in Montreal. “We go to the same school, we’re around the same age, and we both love pets. (I have a cat and a dog, she has four cats.)” And yes, she says, “Every day — after 10 a.m., before 8 p.m. — I vacuum my house. She can have fun with all her cat-hair dust bunnies — I’ll stick to my cleaning schedule, thanks!”

It is absolutely necessary for you to vacuum every fucking day!!!! Seriously are you such a filthy dirtbag that you make such a mess every day??? I've been listening to you vacuum for months. GIVE IT A REST! HAVE SOME COMMON DECENCY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOURS!!!

Like our submitter in Montreal, I’ll admit that, as the owner of a dog who sheds quite a bit, I also vacuum pretty much every day. So if that makes me a “FILTHY DIRTBAG,” I guess I prefer that to becoming like “Dirty Lady #2.

related: I’m dirty and I love it

Tags: bold-underlined-caps · cleaning · Montreal · noise

Happy Moving!

March 4th, 2013 · 167 Comments

Writes Chelsa in Canada: “My first night moving in, I couldn’t find the bolts to put my bed frame back together, so I had to unpack some boxes and it was about 10 p.m. before I found them and could set up my bed. Moving sucks, right? Apparently at 10 p.m. on Saturday night, screwing in 8 bolts is THE WORST thing a person can do. This note was on my door in the morning.”

Good Morning! We noticed that you moved in last night. Welcome to the building! We also noticed that you are very handy with power tools; you like to build furniture and drag it and other things across hardwood floors. All we ask is that you could please refrain from doing these things after dark. Unfortunately for everyone this building is not in the least soundproof. We are also hoping that it's not too much to ask for you to not wear shoes across the hardwood floors; it's much louder for us than it is for you. We know we may be loud from time to time, but we will always try to be respectful of our neighbours. All we ask if for the same in return. Happy Moving :)

 

related: The Neighborhood Warning Wagon

Tags: Canada · neighbors · noise · smiley

The Boy Who Drank All the Milk: A first-world fable

January 23rd, 2013 · 60 Comments

Marcel in Montreal begins his story with the moral: “There are just some things you don’t mess with — vipers, rabid dogs, king cobras, black widows…and my mom.” His younger self, however, was far less wise. This is his tale.

For a long time, Marcel and his siblings had the irritating habit of drinking all the milk in the house late at night so that there was none left when their mother went to pour herself a bowl of cereal for breakfast the morning.

One day, Marcel and his siblings came home from school to find a batch of “the richest, most delicious brownies ever” sitting on the counter. Of course, they dug in immediately. But just as he was about to head to the fridge to pour himself a cold, tall glass of milk to wash down all that chocolate-y goodness, Marcel noticed this note from Mom hiding underneath the crumbs.

Maybe next time you'll think before you drink all the milk and don't replace it!! xoxo ? Mom

“Sacre bleu!” he cried, for sure enough, there was not a drop of milk to be found in the house. Leaving a trail of brownie crumbs behind him, he ran as fast as he could to the nearest dairy farm, where, shortly before hitting send on this submission, he was eaten by a very hungry wolf.

“Both Marcel and the brownies,” the wolf wrote, “were fucking delicious.”

related: The Boy Who Forgot to Clear His Browser History

Tags: heart · milk · Moms & Dads · Montreal · Mother-son notes · signed with love · xoxo

When Canadians snap

January 3rd, 2013 · 56 Comments

This one was spotted by Liz from British Columbia in what she describes as “a popular drinkin’ park often featuring empty Colt .45 cans.”

Merry Christmas!!! To the individual that ended the life of this 13 year-old old growth sitka spruce. It was nurturesd with love & care from a sapling planted here to honour the birth of my daughter. I can only assume it now stands in your living room to live out its last hours so that you and yours can mark Christmas. YOU are what is wrong with this world. You are more disgusting than the dog shit you left behind. YOU take this on your conscience. YOU deserve nothing. YOU are now CURSED. Do us all a favour & DIE.

related: What kind of person steals flowers from a grave?

Tags: British Columbia · Canada · die bitch die · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens

She’s mine. All mine!

November 18th, 2012 · 68 Comments

A certain supervisor thought his assistant, Sandra, was attracting too much idle chatter from other people in the office, so he made this framed notice for her desk. (Because that’s not creepy at all.)

“No word yet on how many contributions he’s received,” our submitter says.

IF YOU CHOOSE TO SPEAK TO SANDRA YOU CHOOSE TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE PAYING OF HER SALARY...

related: The Man is always watching

Thx Sandra!!!

Tags: Canada · crazy boss · kinda creepy · most popular notes of 2012 · office