Entries Tagged as 'Canada'

Have your people call my people.

November 6th, 2012 · 34 Comments

Writes our submitter in Canada: “Of the 12 people living the house, only three do any sort of cleaning or washing up. This was the result of several months of accumulated angst.”

Dear household, I am suck of you discusting [sic] c*nts not washing up after your selfs [sic] you have one day to learn before you find your dirty dishes in bed with you. This includes pots, pans, cups, and tea pots. If you have a problem with that I am happy to discuss. Sincerely, Haarlem  Haarlem, I like the way you think, let's discuss this further. Get your people to call my people and we'll do lunch. Love, Ben

related: I did the dishes. Where’s my cookie?

Tags: Canada · cleaning · dishes · not-so-veiled threats · rebuttals · roommates · runaway run-on sentences · smartass · spelling and grammar police

Some things to know about your new roommate

October 18th, 2012 · 106 Comments

Shortly after he moved out, our submitter in Canada discovered that her ex-roommate had glued a memo for the room’s future occupant inside his bedroom closet — “his final passive-aggressive attempt to get under my skin.”

Caution: Some things to know Her dog stinks up entire house so close your door and get an air freshener. Roommate plays loud music and stays up all night talking on Skype and POF (very annoying) She has a high body temperature and never turns on heat, she will tell you to buy a box heater (annoying) Arguing with her is like boxing a glacier She yells at her dog all the time (annoying as fuck) She has an annoying voice and is a control freak She washes dishes and doesn't take them out of sink (annoying but also just fn weird) Overall, we're dealing with quite the peculiar roommate, good luck!

related: You’re not as bad as everyone warned me you’d be!

Tags: "helpful" advice · Canada · roommates

Happy Caturday!

September 22nd, 2012 · 103 Comments

Writes our submitter in Canada: “This is my neighbour’s cat, Byron. He’s a lovely boy, but given the chance, he’ll steal into my apartment and scarf down my cats’ kibble. The other day Bryon visited sporting this new heart-shaped tag.”

PLEASE DON'T FEED ME!!

PLEASE DON'T FEED ME!!

related post:

Please stop feeding my cat!

Tags: British Columbia · cats · neighbors

Before you came into my life I used to sleep in — I used to sleep, sleep in

September 18th, 2012 · 60 Comments

Welcome to the neighbourhood! xo, Carly Rae Jepsen

Hey you just moved here! And it's early! But here's my window! So Shut Up Maybe!

related post:

Or I’ll call the cops, maybe?

Tags: Canada · have a nice day · most popular notes of 2012 · neighbors · noise · smiley

You’re saying YOU have more than an eighth-grade education?

September 10th, 2012 · 51 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in Toronto spotted this note — one copy in the elevator, and three copies taped to a couch that had been left near the dumpster in the building’s parking lot.

THIS MESSAGE GOES OUT TO THE MORON IN THIS BUILDING WHO THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO PUT THEIR COUCH AND BLANKET IN THE PARKING LOT. ON BEHALF OF THE RESIDENTS IN THIS BUILDING WHO HAVE MORE THAN A GRADE EIGHT EDUCATION, IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT YOU ACTUALLY TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OVER YOUR CHOICES AND DISPOSE OF YOUR PURCHASES? IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT YOU BOUGHT SUCH AND UGLY COUCH, BUT EVEN WORSE THAT YOU MAKE OTHER PEOPLE STARE AT IT. THE FACT THAT YOU LEFT IT HERE MEANS ONE OF TWO THINGS. YOU EITHER HAVE THE MENTALITY OF A FIVE YEAR OLD OR YOUR RICH PARENTS BABIED YOU INTO THINKING THIS WAS ACCEPTABLE BEHAIVIOUR. EITHER WAY, IT'S THE SAME THING. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. YOU'RE THE REASON EVOLUTION TAKES SO LONG.

Dear Sir: Your “behaiviour,” spelling, and poor understanding of evolutionary theory don’t suggest that you graduated at the top of your class, either.

THIS MESSAGE GOES OUT TO THE MORON IN THIS BUILDING WHO THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO PUT THEIR COUCH AND BLANKET IN THE PARKING LOT. ON BEHALF OF THE RESIDENTS IN THIS BUILDING WHO HAVE MORE THAN A GRADE EIGHT EDUCATION, IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT YOU ACTUALLY TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OVER YOUR CHOICES AND DISPOSE OF YOUR PURCHASES? IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT YOU BOUGHT SUCH AND UGLY COUCH, BUT EVEN WORSE THAT YOU MAKE OTHER PEOPLE STARE AT IT. THE FACT THAT YOU LEFT IT HERE MEANS ONE OF TWO THINGS. YOU EITHER HAVE THE MENTALITY OF A FIVE YEAR OLD OR YOUR RICH PARENTS BABIED YOU INTO THINKING THIS WAS ACCEPTABLE BEHAIVIOUR. EITHER WAY, IT'S THE SAME THING. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. YOU'RE THE REASON EVOLUTION TAKES SO LONG.

related: Who says Canadians are nice?

extra credit: Humans are still evolving, scientists say

Tags: CAPS LOCK · more aggressive than passive · neighbors · Toronto

Canadian is Angry; Still Says “Thank You”

August 12th, 2012 · 18 Comments

Rachael in Edmonton spotted this billboard-on-wheels in the lot at the RV dealership where she works. “The guy was buying a trailer from us, but after seeing seen his van, I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”

Thank you, Crysler Canada & Crosstown Motors for selling me the most unreliable vehicle I have ever owned!  2.5 year old Sprinter Van now for sale - Only been towed 1,2,3, 4 times - Only been in for repairs 1,2,3,4, 5 times - Replaced Tires 1st year - Replaced battery 2nd year - Replaced radiator fan assembly - Replaced Alternator and cables - Rusting everywhere - Many other problems included ... (no extra charge)

After all, you wouldn’t want a full-blown Canadian protest on your hands…

related: Good God, Lemon.

extra credit: A Canadian robbery [CTVNews.ca]

Tags: Canada · car · Edmonton · public shaming · thanks (but not really)

Memento, the sequel

August 5th, 2012 · 20 Comments

Hey, Lenny, if you’re looking for an idea for your next tattoo, how about, “Don’t trust anything written in Comic Sans.”

James is a Liar Cheater and a Betrayer. you are pregnant with his baby, you need to know this. Don't trust him. Don't believe a word he says.

(Thanks to Syrah in Toronto for submitting!)

related: A little advice for the ladies

Tags: Comic Sans Alert · Toronto · WTF?

My Dad weighs 15 pounds, does not have a job, and likes to wear shirts.

June 26th, 2012 · 87 Comments

Jill’s seven-year-old son “made” this for his Dad at school. “We’d like to think the near-complete lack of effort reflects a lack of enthusiasm for school assignments and is not a sign of a profound rift in his relationship with his father,” she says.

“And for the record, my husband is not 20 years old, weights more than 15 pounds and is taller than 2’1″. And he has a job, as a writer. (Which, to be fair, can sure look a lot like “unemployed” sometimes.)

My Dad's Favorites Food: I don't know Dessert: No idea Game to play: ? Sport to watch: hockey on TV Restaurant: Does not have one My favorite memory with my dad is: I don't have one. My dad is the best in the family at: NO ANSWER. At his job, my dad: He does not have a job.  When not at work, my dad likes to: ? My dad is: 20 years old. My dad is: 2 ft 1 in tall. My dad weighs 15 pounds. My dad has gray hair. My dad has black eyes. My dad likes to wear shirts. My dad is special to me because...He is special to me but I don't have a reason.

P.S. The bit at the bottom says: “He is special to me but I don’t have a reason.”

related: “Drunk Mommy”

Tags: Canada · Father-son notes · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2012 · schools & teachers

Lactose Intolerance

May 25th, 2012 · 51 Comments

Writes Steph in Toronto: “Most of the notices posted in the elevator of my condo building are pretty standard (fire alarm drills, etc.) but this one’s special. It just raises so many questions: Was the milk expired? Were they throwing it at someone? How much milk are we talking about that it’s a ‘matter of public safety’? I need to know!”

We have received reports of a resident throwing MILK off their balcony on the southeast side of the building. This is disgusting, unsanitary, and extremely messy for the residents below you. Do not ever throw or drop anything off your balcony – this is a matter of public safety as well as cleanliness, and legal charges will be pursued against any resident caught doing this at any time. We expect all residents to treat this building with courtesy and respect. Remember – this is your home too.

related: Urine in bottles thrown out windows is disgusting

Tags: milk · that's unsanitary · Toronto · WTF?

But it was so cute when the baby panda did it!

March 21st, 2012 · 37 Comments

One of the employees at Rebecca’s workplace in Toronto is unfortunately prone to surprise sneezing fits…much to the chagrin of a certain co-worker. After one too many gesundheits, this coworker apparently decided to go public with her message, posting this note where the sneezer  — god bless her — would be sure to see it.

(ALEX PLEASE DO NOT SNEEZE ON ME!) (COVER YOUR MOUTH!)

extra credit:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2QAGVMlns4

related: You’re not wrong, Walter…

Tags: CAPS LOCK · heartwarming compassion · hygiene · office · Toronto