Entries Tagged as 'Toronto'

You’re saying YOU have more than an eighth-grade education?

September 10th, 2012 · 51 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in Toronto spotted this note — one copy in the elevator, and three copies taped to a couch that had been left near the dumpster in the building’s parking lot.

THIS MESSAGE GOES OUT TO THE MORON IN THIS BUILDING WHO THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO PUT THEIR COUCH AND BLANKET IN THE PARKING LOT. ON BEHALF OF THE RESIDENTS IN THIS BUILDING WHO HAVE MORE THAN A GRADE EIGHT EDUCATION, IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT YOU ACTUALLY TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OVER YOUR CHOICES AND DISPOSE OF YOUR PURCHASES? IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT YOU BOUGHT SUCH AND UGLY COUCH, BUT EVEN WORSE THAT YOU MAKE OTHER PEOPLE STARE AT IT. THE FACT THAT YOU LEFT IT HERE MEANS ONE OF TWO THINGS. YOU EITHER HAVE THE MENTALITY OF A FIVE YEAR OLD OR YOUR RICH PARENTS BABIED YOU INTO THINKING THIS WAS ACCEPTABLE BEHAIVIOUR. EITHER WAY, IT'S THE SAME THING. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. YOU'RE THE REASON EVOLUTION TAKES SO LONG.

Dear Sir: Your “behaiviour,” spelling, and poor understanding of evolutionary theory don’t suggest that you graduated at the top of your class, either.

THIS MESSAGE GOES OUT TO THE MORON IN THIS BUILDING WHO THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO PUT THEIR COUCH AND BLANKET IN THE PARKING LOT. ON BEHALF OF THE RESIDENTS IN THIS BUILDING WHO HAVE MORE THAN A GRADE EIGHT EDUCATION, IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT YOU ACTUALLY TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OVER YOUR CHOICES AND DISPOSE OF YOUR PURCHASES? IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT YOU BOUGHT SUCH AND UGLY COUCH, BUT EVEN WORSE THAT YOU MAKE OTHER PEOPLE STARE AT IT. THE FACT THAT YOU LEFT IT HERE MEANS ONE OF TWO THINGS. YOU EITHER HAVE THE MENTALITY OF A FIVE YEAR OLD OR YOUR RICH PARENTS BABIED YOU INTO THINKING THIS WAS ACCEPTABLE BEHAIVIOUR. EITHER WAY, IT'S THE SAME THING. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. YOU'RE THE REASON EVOLUTION TAKES SO LONG.

related: Who says Canadians are nice?

extra credit: Humans are still evolving, scientists say

Tags: CAPS LOCK · more aggressive than passive · neighbors · Toronto

Memento, the sequel

August 5th, 2012 · 20 Comments

Hey, Lenny, if you’re looking for an idea for your next tattoo, how about, “Don’t trust anything written in Comic Sans.”

James is a Liar Cheater and a Betrayer. you are pregnant with his baby, you need to know this. Don't trust him. Don't believe a word he says.

(Thanks to Syrah in Toronto for submitting!)

related: A little advice for the ladies

Tags: Comic Sans Alert · Toronto · WTF?

Lactose Intolerance

May 25th, 2012 · 51 Comments

Writes Steph in Toronto: “Most of the notices posted in the elevator of my condo building are pretty standard (fire alarm drills, etc.) but this one’s special. It just raises so many questions: Was the milk expired? Were they throwing it at someone? How much milk are we talking about that it’s a ‘matter of public safety’? I need to know!”

We have received reports of a resident throwing MILK off their balcony on the southeast side of the building. This is disgusting, unsanitary, and extremely messy for the residents below you. Do not ever throw or drop anything off your balcony – this is a matter of public safety as well as cleanliness, and legal charges will be pursued against any resident caught doing this at any time. We expect all residents to treat this building with courtesy and respect. Remember – this is your home too.

related: Urine in bottles thrown out windows is disgusting

Tags: milk · that's unsanitary · Toronto · WTF?

But it was so cute when the baby panda did it!

March 21st, 2012 · 37 Comments

One of the employees at Rebecca’s workplace in Toronto is unfortunately prone to surprise sneezing fits…much to the chagrin of a certain co-worker. After one too many gesundheits, this coworker apparently decided to go public with her message, posting this note where the sneezer  — god bless her — would be sure to see it.

(ALEX PLEASE DO NOT SNEEZE ON ME!) (COVER YOUR MOUTH!)

extra credit:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2QAGVMlns4

related: You’re not wrong, Walter…

Tags: CAPS LOCK · heartwarming compassion · hygiene · office · Toronto

My neighbors are always sticking their butts where they don’t belong

March 20th, 2012 · 122 Comments

Heather in Toronto lives in a large -rise apartment, so she says it’s difficult to determine the identity of the ash-holes who are tossing their cigarette butts off their balconies with no apparent concern for either the earth or the people living down below. Heather says this photo doesn’t even show the full extent of the problem — there are many, many more butts around — so “feel free to suggest a new short message!”

GET AN ASHTRAY

related: Cat hair? Chuck it out the window!

Tags: most popular notes of 2012 · neighbors · smoking · Toronto

Mad Santa

December 23rd, 2011 · 27 Comments

Writes Mimi in Toronto: “Me being 17 and my brother being 19, we weren’t particularly interested in doing the whole ‘leave Santa provisions’ charade on Christmas Eve. Our mother took offense to our lack of Christmas spirit, and we awoke the next morning to this note, along with some half eaten cookies and carrots.”

Dear Mimi and Ben, What the fuck?! No cookies, drink and carrots for Santa and his reindeer?! What kind of hospitality is that?! Sheesh. Love, Santa P.S. I helped myself thankyouverymuch

related: All I want for Christmas

Tags: Christmas · family · Toronto

Must have the precious…

August 2nd, 2011 · 44 Comments

Amy and her cousin were enjoying a casual stroll in Toronto when they noticed this note in a neighbor’s garden — a note which Amy says left her with far more questions than answers.

I’d have to agree with Amy that the stand-out line here is the one towards the end about whether the tomato thief ever makes racist or ageist remarks. (Because…huh?)

Adds Amy: “The lack of grammar made me think that ‘young people’ were a new racial group. And why does the note-writer beg the thief to at least return ONE of the stolen tomatoes  — because it’s so precious? And is the last line a threat of being infected by Asian lily beetle poison? I don’t get it!”

To the Tomato Thief: YOU WIN. I will never plant tomatoes again. The plant is in the compost where it will help me. Since you took all 4 of the first tomatoes of the season (the most precious), could I have the one left? (the plant isn't healthy so there won't be more. I trust you never speak ill of young people or other racial groups as you are a terrible role model to anyone in your family.  *(My soil is infected with the Asian lily beetle - a voracious eater, so careful)

related: People of Philadelphia, these tomatoes are not for you!

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · spelling and grammar police · Toronto · WTF?

And don’t you DARE clean out the freezer — I have important bills in there!

May 1st, 2011 · 91 Comments

“My roommate is a total slob,” says Elinor in Toronto, so after two weeks away from the apartment, she wasn’t too surprised to see the kitchen piled high with several delightfully fragrant, filled-to-the-brim garbage bags. When she went to throw them out, Elinor discovered one of the bags was actually filled with clothes, so she put that one in her roommate’s room.

The next morning, Elinor found both of these notes slid under her bedroom door.

[note 1:] Dear Elinor, You threw out an important bag of clothes that was in the kitchen. If you don't know what it is, don't touch it. -for FUCK SAKES! [note 2:] Never mind -found it ...sorry

related: Stop! Don’t chute!

Tags: garbage · Oops? · roommates · Toronto · touching

Exes and Ohs

July 29th, 2010 · 111 Comments

It all started when Erin in Toronto sent her uncle a Christmas card. Actually, scratch that — it all started three years ago, at Erin’s wedding, the last time Erin actually saw her uncle in person.

Before the wedding, Erin explains, “Linda (my uncle’s girlfriend) RSVP’d that she’d attend, and then then didn’t bother to show up, meaning we had to pay for her meal anyway.” (Not that she’s bitter about that or anything!) “Since then,” Erin says, “I assumed they had broken up and have addressed the annual Christmas card to just my uncle and cousin.”

Now, while that might sound a bit hasty (or even, dare I say…passive-aggressive),  in Erin’s defense, the Christmas cards she received were only signed by her uncle and cousin — this year’s included. And yet, in what appears to be a last-minute back-of-the-envelope calculation, “Linda chose this year to remind me that she was still kicking around,” Erin says.

Hi Erin! In case you weren't aware I live here as well (13 years). Thanks! Linda

On the flip side of things, receiving mail addressed to one’s ex can be a disturbing experience as well. I’d say this intercepted message speaks for itself.

Nancy cheated on her husband while he was deployed to Iraq and no longer lives at this address. Return to sender.

related: There are NO pre-paid legal executives (OR FEMALES!) living here!

Tags: Christmas · ex drama · family · going postal · Oops? · Texas · Toronto · weddings and bridezillas

Excuse me, I’m here to file a restraining order on behalf of my house plant

July 20th, 2010 · 40 Comments

“My next-door neighbor has some problems with controlling her rage,” says Guy in Austin. So when the apartment manager wouldn’t force her upstairs neighbors to take down their bird feeder — on the grounds that the resulting bird crap from above constituted plant harassment — she wasn’t about to let the issue drop quietly.

I cannot have my plants because the person upstairs is harrasing [sic] my plants + me.
I cannot have my plants because the person upstairs is harrasing [sic] my plants + me.

Meanwhile, Lucas brings us this report of a uncontrollable botanophile on the loose at his office in Toronto.

Stop molesting my plant! (I can't help it, it feels so good!)

Tags: Austin · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · neighbors · rebuttals · smartass · Toronto