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Entries Tagged as 'CAPS LOCK'

Untitled (broken glass)

February 6th, 2009 · 99 Comments

When you live with six art students (like Kate in London),  you might find that life imitates art more often than you’d like.

-THIS IS ART- A NARRATIVE PIECE CALLED: FUCK YOU I'M FED UP. CLEAN YOUR SHIT UP.

related: Oxford drama

Tags: art · CAPS LOCK · cleaning · college life · London · most popular notes of 2009 · roommates

Expect to see this ad airing in primetime very soon

February 3rd, 2009 · 106 Comments

Marina found this flyer on her car’s windshield in Venice Beach, California. With a sales pitch as compelling as this one, it’s really only a matter of time before this AMAZING OPPORTUNITY!!! pops up alongside TV offers like Cash4gold and the (ever-popular) Pedegg.

If I can work from my home part time and make over $400 per week so can you I'll prove it! If you don't call, enjoy what you're presently doing. You'll probably be doing it FOREVER!!

Adds Marina: “I haven’t tried calling the number…yet.” WHAT IS SHE WAITING FOR?!?!

related: Spinal manipulation

Tags: bad sales pitch · California · CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!!

To flush or not to flush

January 8th, 2009 · 141 Comments

This first note was posted in the bathroom of the Gay Pride Center in New Brunswick, New Jersey; the second, in the bathroom of the Rhode Island Department of Health in Providence.

I’d probably recommend steering clear of the kitchen sinks at both facilities.

Attention: Please DO NOT flush anything inside of the toilet (this includes toilet paper, sanitary napkins, paper towels, or wipes.) Use garbage disposal instead. THANK YOU

to flush or not to flush

related: a filthy hap pit

Tags: all clogged up · bathroom · CAPS LOCK · garbage · New Jersey · Providence · toilet · WTF?

The rhyme that must be flushed

December 9th, 2008 · 196 Comments

Apparently, sayeth google analytics, the oh-so-clever phrase “if you sprinkle when you tinkle” is one of the most common search terms that leads people to this little website. (Sorry to disappoint you, folks — no cross-stitch patterns to be found here.)

So, um, yeah…I’m gonna go curl up the fetal position and die now. I’ll leave the textual analysis underlying the great “neat/sweetie” literary schism to you guys, k?

If you sprinkle when you tinkle...be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.

If you sprinkle when you tinkle...be a neatie and wipe the seatie!

This one might be a little more home-spun, but I think the urine-colored highlighter and ellipses diarrhea really pushes it over the top:

LADIES, IF YOU SPRINKLE WHEN YOU TINKLE.......PLEASE BE NEAT & WIPE THE SEAT........

If you want your mind completely blown, check out this international variation, from  Jamaica:

If you twinkle when you spinkle please be neat and wipe the seat

And from San Francisco, the po-mo edition:

If you sprinkle when you tinkle...you know what the fuck to do!!! Just because u don't live here that means u too, bro....!!!

related: “Unattended children will be given espresso and a free puppy”

Tags: bathroom · CAPS LOCK · ellipses-crazed · high on highlighter · pure poetry · toilet

The rules for strip bingo

December 8th, 2008 · 61 Comments

Spotted in the basement of a New Jersey church where people play bingo all the time. Adds submitter Yamis: “I guess we know the demographics of the crowd.”

IF YOUR [sic] COLD WEAR A COAT. IF YOUR [sic] HOT TAKE IT OFF. IT YOU GET HOT FLASHES WEAR LESS. -THE GENERAL

related: More like hardly working

Tags: CAPS LOCK · New Jersey · old folks · spelling and grammar police · temperature · your/you're

Sincerely, disappointed

November 20th, 2008 · 126 Comments

Our anonymous submitter says this display is just one of many microwave missives his coworker has created. “Someone tore it down and threw it on the floor once,” he says, “but she put it back up, laminated with heavy-duty tape.”

WHOEVER HAD THE GENIUS IDEA TO BLOW UP PAPER, OR WHATEVER YOU USED, IN THE MICROWAVE AND DIDN'T CLEAN IT UP, KUDOS TO YOU AND YOUR SLOPPY BEHAVIOR. I'M ASSUMING YOU LIVE EXACTLY LIKE A PIG.

WEBSTER'S DEFINITION OF CLEAN: 1. Free from dirt; unsoiled; unstained 2. Free from foreign or extraneous matter 3. Habitually free of dirt WEBSTER'S DEFINITION OF CLEANLINESS: Neat, immaculate, clean, clear, pure refer to freedom from soiling, flaw, stain or mixture

And of course, the art-imitating-life inspiration for this post: Pam Beesly.

To whoever made the microwave mess: The microwave is a SHARED kitchen appliance.  By not cleaning it up, you are basically telling whoever follows that their time is less valuable, as they will have to scrub out your disgusting splatter. Sincerely, Disappointed

To whoever made the microwave mess: The microwave is a SHARED kitchen appliance.  By not cleaning it up, you are basically telling whoever follows that their time is less valuable, as they will have to scrub out your disgusting splatter. Sincerely, Disappointed

Hey anonymous Coward who left the note: Be a Man. Spend less time writing notes and more time cleaning up the microwave.

related: To each his own microwave

extra credit: The Office: “Frame Toby”

Tags: CAPS LOCK · cleaning · fiction · high on highlighter · microwave · most popular notes of 2008 · New York · not-so-veiled threats · obnoxious definition · office · spelling and grammar police

It’s Pat!

November 5th, 2008 · 60 Comments

On a recent road trip around southern Maine, Noelle and her friends Hilary and Misha spotted this puzzling little note posted in the back of a gas station convenience store.

Pat [redacted] has no authoreity [sic] over anyone, not employees, salespeople, or customers. Pat's job is maintenance of the laundrymat [sic]. Store and grounds and stocking the cooler.

When they left, Noelle says, “The manager ran after us, screaming, ‘What were you girls doing, taking pictures of my store like that?!’” Noelle and her friends fessed up, explaining that they thought the note to Pat was funny, is all. The manager’s reply: “Oh, Pat! Soon as we put up that sign, he quit! That was five years ago. Haven’t seen him since! We just haven’t gotten around to taking the sign down yet.

related: all your baristas are belong to us
extra credit: “laundrymat”

Tags: CAPS LOCK · gas station · Maine · now that's management · Say wha? · spelling and grammar police

The Book of Cubicleism, Article IV: “The Laying on of Hands”

November 2nd, 2008 · 144 Comments

Anthony in Salt Lake City, Utah was a little perplexed when the new lady sharing his cubicle put this little number up. Odder still, he says, “is the fact that this particular wall was originally my half — she took everything I had on that end and moved it to the other side.”

Says anthony: “Apparently she thinks I’m going to poke the Messiah’s high school yearbook picture all day — or maybe the note is what he’s thinking?”

PLEASE BE RESPECTFUL OF MY BELIEFS DON'T TOUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

related: So much for turning the other cheek
extra credit: The great and dreadful day of the lord [dooce.com]

Tags: CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Jesus · office · Salt Lake City · touching · Utah

The most disgusting thing

October 30th, 2008 · 123 Comments

Says filly in New York: “I think it’s safe the assume the writer is neither a) an English major or b) a feminist.”

The most disgusting thing is a nasty lady!!!! How can you use the bathroom and not clean after yourself!!!! Be hygenical [sic] and consider others!!!! Do yourself and the rest of us a favor. Clean up after yourself, you are not at home!!!!!!!!

related: more from the frontlines of post-post feminism

Tags: bathroom · CAPS LOCK · college life · exclamation-point happy!!!! · hygiene · most popular notes of 2008 · New York · office · spelling and grammar police · that's disgusting · toilet

And all the pieces matter

October 28th, 2008 · 88 Comments

“If it wasn’t for the handwriting,” says Lauren in California, “I would have guessed my mom wrote it.”

Meanwhile, Carson in Valencia found this note (crudely laminated with packing tape) attached to a tree while walking his dog in the park. “Maybe next time Maggie will think twice about leaving her ceramic cats unattended,” he says.

And in Seattle…

Hey! Those pots were not FREE! give them back!

“In the pot-snatcher’s defense, people leave furniture and the like on the street all over this area of town as acts of charity, so it definitely would have been an easy mistake for anyone to make,” Josef says, adding: “When I took this picture, the homeowner was glaring at me from the garage the whole time. Bad vibes, man.”

related: Neighborhood Crazy-Watch

Tags: apostrophe abuse · California · CAPS LOCK · comma diarrhea · emdash overboard · garbage · neighbors · rhetorical question · Seattle · You call that punctuation? · you know who you are