Entries Tagged as 'parking'

I hope…

August 22nd, 2013 · 50 Comments

Lately, whenever I read a note like this, I can’t help but think of this bit by Louis CK:

Exhibit a) Spotted independently by both Kendy and Jane on the front gate of a cottage in a small English village. Writes Kendy: “I was surprised that in such a peaceful little place there were thieves bold enough to steal a child’s toy — and equally bold locals willing to publish their death wish to said thief!”

To the person who stole my 4 year old grandaughter's paddling pool, I hope you drown in it.

Exhibit b) From an office in Texas

To the lowlife who's been stealing people's lunches: I hope you develop chronic hemorrhoids.

Exhibit c) Found by John in Atlanta on the windshield of his car — which was parked just fine, he adds!

Dear Motherfucker, You park like an asshole I hope your kids get addicted to drugs. (Heart) Jack

Exhibit d) Also from Atlanta, specifically the campus of Georgia Tech — Justin says this was posted by every bike rack in the vicinity of the Electrical Engineering building. (So he ripped one down, took it home, and scanned it.)

Did you take a red Specialized bike from Van Leer on 1 Feb at noon? FUCK YOU. I hope you have an aneurysm and rot in a ditch. I am going to spend the rest of my days tracking you down. I will find you. You will never sleep again. No god will save you. I am coming for you.

related: Wishin’ and hopin’

Tags: parking · stealing

Raid in the Shade

August 1st, 2013 · 87 Comments

Writes our submitter in Denver: “I parked my ’82 VW van in the closest guest spot to my home about a week ago, as I’ve been cleaning it out to sell it. Then I was sick for a few days so I didn’t leave the house. Today I found this on the windshield.”

Are you storing your car here? You can't have a prime shady spot!! Do you own or rent? Your OLD car should be parked in the center, let newer cars have the shade. But I guess its all about you. Move your car! or I'll be the one calling on you next time!

related: It’s my spot and I’ll park what I want to

Tags: car · exclamation-point happy!!!! · neighbors · parking · so this is a thing?

Over the (top) rainbow

May 27th, 2013 · 65 Comments

Writes Tom in Cleveland: “In the parking garage of my apartment building, some B parked in assigned spot 144, which belonged to another B, who then covered B1′s Jeep in harshly-worded notes on multi-colored construction paper.”

DISLIKE This person parked in my spot. Inconsiderate much? I had to park 3 blocks away just so a person could park in a spot I paid for. I'm posting pics of your car info on social media. I have 20,000+ followers. Don't worry...I called management. Leopard print? Try the Jersey Shore!!!

related: It’s my spot and I’ll park what I want to

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · Cleveland · parking · public shaming

Presenting the new Mercedes-Benz No-Class

May 16th, 2013 · 84 Comments

Writes our submitter in Brisbane, Australia: “It wasn’t me that reported the rich guy to the council, but it sure gave me a few laughs.”

To whom it may concern, Thank you so much for having my car booked today. You must have nothing better to do than make petty complaints to council. Never mind it is only $100, I make that much in half an hour every day. You must not be a very good driver if you were not able to get out of your driveway that had about 3 meters of room still available. I could have easily driven in and out of there without any issue with the huge amount of space left. Perhaps you should re-sit your driving exams again? I think you are jealous I have a new Mercedes-Benz and you don't? You do not seem to be very well educated in that you can not even spell inconsiderate. Kind regards, A Mercedes-Benz Driver

related: I know, all black sedans look the same

extra credit: This Is Why People Think Mercedes-Benz Drivers Are Asshats [jalopnik.com]

Tags: Australia · car · money · parking · thanks (but not really)

I’m not sure I agree with you a hundred percent on your police work there, Lou.

March 27th, 2013 · 83 Comments

Morgan from Fargo, North Dakota went out with friends one night in Grand Forks, and the parking situation was, in his words, “atrocious.” He spotted this message on the dash of one particularly poorly-parked pickup.

Though it’s hardly the most offensive part of this “multi-offensive” note, Morgan was just as confused by Andy’s Iowa/Texas hate as I was. Interestingly, at least one recent analysis found the state with the worst drivers to be none other than…any guesses?

Are you from Iowa or Texas? Because you park like a...

 related: When parking gets political

Tags: North Dakota · parking

It helps to have friends in high places

December 9th, 2012 · 42 Comments

Writes Rob in Brighton: “We live on a middle-class urban street with too many cars and people who think they have a God-given right to a place. Sometimes people push their luck and make life difficult for others with their parking, and hilarity ensues.” One Sunday, Father Kevin even got in on the action…followed by his boss.

You have parked your car like an idiot!  You are blocking the (obvious) entrance to the Church Car Park — today (Sunday) it would be in continuous use. You've parked well on to the double yellow line. —Father Kevin (Parish Priest)   You are Forgiven. Love, Jesus

Meanwhile, in South Carolina…

Everytime you steal this parking spot you kill a kitten Do you want to be a kitten killer? Jesus is watching

related: Your car has been “baptized”

Tags: Jesus · parking · U.K.

Prepare your hi-diddly-hole, neighborino

November 21st, 2012 · 102 Comments

Ben in California says he got this notice in the mail a few days ago, though he’s not sure if the rest of the neighborhood got it, too. “These folks have lived there for about six months, but I’ve never talked to them. I guess now I know why.”

We just moved into 412 E. H St. and would like to straighten some things out. 1. We don't need any new friends, we have enough. Don't try to stop by for small talk! 2. Don't park in front of our property! 3. Keep your pets quiet and we will get along.

related: A not-so-subtle clue that your co-worker isn’t interested in small talk

Tags: neighbors · parking · small talk · way harsh

Sentence structure could use some improvement

October 30th, 2012 · 29 Comments

Several months ago, Kenney in Sydney moved in with some new housemates. Last week, he happened to park in a different spot in the driveway. (“We had been asked to not park in the garage as it was used as a gym/personal trainer studio.”)

“The next morning,” he says, “I found this ‘anonymous’ note — despite having just talked with the person responsible, without any mention of their concern.” By way of a response, Kenney decided to give the note the red pen treatment.

Dear Housemate's Please take under consideration that the parking arragement tonight was not Thought out properly we have a garage that one car could go in & instead Driveway looks like a parking lot please think of all housemate's living under this rood not just yourself Thank you. !  12/28 42% A clean document with some folds, sentence structure could use improvement along with grammar. Would love to discuss your results to improve your persuasive letter writing ability! D+

related: I give your passive-aggressive note a C-

Tags: Australia · most popular notes of 2012 · parking · rebuttals · roommates · spelling and grammar police · Sydney

Welcome to Charm City

October 5th, 2012 · 30 Comments

Spotted by Matt in Baltimore, Maryland…

Are you the fuckface who was parked on Eastern a few weeks back for close to a week taking up 2 spots? Maybe parking isn't tight in NY, but in Charm City, we like to think of our neighbors! Learn how to park A-hole!  Dear Person who wrote this Note, Sorry, but I wasn't the person who parked on Eastern Ave. a few weeks ago and took up two spaces. I know, all black sedans look the same. An honest mistake, I'm sure. However, I didn't appreciate being called a

related: Your parking job brings one word to mind

Tags: Baltimore · most popular notes of 2012 · Oops? · parking

Your car has been “baptized”

August 1st, 2012 · 46 Comments

Andy in Alexandria, Virginia passes this sign every day on his way to work, and says he’s always found the quotations around the word “baptized” to be a bit ominous. (“I have no idea what they are getting at,” he says.)

CHURCH PARKING ONLY VIOLATORS WILL BE CHURCH PARKING ONLY VIOLATORS WILL BE 'BAPTIZED'

Of course, if this sign seems familiar to you, that’s because this ol’ knee-slapper just might be the “unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy” of church parking signs. To wit:

Violators will be Baptized

Only Violators will be Baptized

Violators will be baptized

And back in Vienna, Virginia, it’s the cars that get baptized.

Church Parking UNAUTHORIZED VEHICLES WILL BE BAPTIZED

Related: What Would Jesus Text?

Tags: Jesus · most popular notes of 2012 · parking