Entries Tagged as 'parking'

Park on my privates again? No!

October 25th, 2010 · 128 Comments

Lisa from Toronto doesn’t try to hide the fact that this note was, uh, not exactly undeserved. “On a long weekend in Grand Bend, my boyfriend squeezed into a parking spot which partially placed his front tires on the edge of someone’s lawn,” she says. But if Lisa and her bf lost any sleep over their vehicular faux pas — and I’m guessing they didn’t — it seems like this note, which Lisa called “amazing,” would more than make up for it. Okay!

Why you bad park? No ticket! I have for son dealer plate! You ok? Fuck you guy! Okay! Park on my privates again? No! Bad park you.

Tags: actually totally reasonable · Clearly a non-native English speaker · double-entendre alert · exclamation-point happy!!!! · most popular notes of 2010 · Ontario · parking

Vehicular misogyny

September 24th, 2010 · 84 Comments

“I guess I’m a bad parker,” says Renee in San Antonio — but really, how bad does a parking job have to be to inspire this kind of blind rage? Especially when the scene of the crime is the parking lot outside a big box store like Best Buy, not some precious residential block.

P.S. If you’re thinking “PMS bad,” next time I escape from the kitchen, I might have to give you a barefoot kick to the crotch.

Dear Asshole, Next [time?] you get your fat inconsiderate ass out of your piece of shit, take a look at the impeccable parking job. Its [sic] underdeveloped people like you that make the rest of the world wish for an apocolypse [sic]. thanks!! PS If you are a woman shame on your husband for allowing you to leave the house

related: When parking gets political

Tags: casual sexism · p.s. · parking · San Antonio · spelling and grammar police

Welcome to the neighborhood. You’re totally screwing it up.

September 9th, 2010 · 148 Comments

Shortly after moving to Columbus, Ohio, Julie received a welcome-wagon visit from her new neighbors…in the form of a post-it note stuck to the side of her motorcycle. Her bike, which was parked on the public city street across from her house, had apparently disrupted the neighborhood’s unofficial parking “regimin.”

“I complied with the rules of their little microcosm,” Julie says, “but I also turned the note into an overhead, which was a real gold mine for the rhetoric class I was teaching at Ohio State.”

Hi, Welcome to the Neighborhod [sic]! Just wanted to Let you know that we all have a parking regimin [sic] and your Bike is totally screwing it up!!! Please park it on your side of the St. as we all have only 2 spaces in front of our homes. Thank you soooo Much!

Adds Julie: “Incidentally, when parked perpendicularly, a motorcycle uses roughly 2.5 feet of street.”

related:  I shoveled this spot. IT’S MINE.

Tags: Columbus · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · heart · irregular capitalization · motorcycles · neighbors · parking · spelling and grammar police

This note is like one of those asinine beer commercials come to life

June 30th, 2010 · 61 Comments

…and then it turns out Ang’s friend is like, Heidi Klum, and she’s with standing there with her big growling bodyguard, and the Misogyny Factory boys are all like, “Ruh-roh! If only we’d been drinking that shitty beer that makes us act all smooth!’” Or something.

Adds our submitter from East Lansing, Michigan: “I don’t know where Ang’s friend parked originally, but because there was rope attached to the car’s bumper, it looks like ‘The Factory’ moved it.”

Ang's friend, We aren't sure if you're hot so we will keep this as polite as possible. Despite your good intentions, your inability to park in a twenty car lot w/out blocking the only bottleneck in the diveway has left us no choice but to deem you a dumb bitch. Fuck off, The Factory P.S. You are lucky we didn't fuck up your car.

related: Why don’t you go park your car in Harvard Yard?

Tags: "polite notice" · car · casual sexism · Michigan · p.s. · parking

Roommate revenge on wheels

June 15th, 2010 · 61 Comments

Heather saw this car parked in her Takoma Park, Maryland neighborhood, while Heather spotted the truck below in New Orleans. Perhaps Stephanie and Michael can form a support group with Rene Hall?

Stephanie [redacted] appropriates other people's property and destroys other people's belongings

Michael [redacted] Parks Like An Idiot

related: You lied to me, Mr. Lundegaard.

Tags: car · graffiti · New Orleans · parking · Takoma Park

Why don’t you go park your car in Harvard Yard?

May 12th, 2010 · 85 Comments

Our submitter in Amherst, Massachusetts was heading to class at UMass one day when she saw no fewer than twelve of these signs posted throughout the hallways and doors of her apartment building.  “My neighbors had a fun time responding with comments all over them,” she says, at least for the day and half before they got taken down.

I think my favorite part of this one is the handwritten notes at the bottom. One neighbor suggests, “Perhaps you should talk to the people in this building instead of making them think you’re mean, dramatic and cowardly,” and the writer, pouty-faced, responds, “Well I have said this before and nobody listens.” (Unwritten response: “Boo-FUCKING-hoo. Sounds like somebody needs to get laid.” )

Do you see a fucking sign outside that says free parking?!!!! Get your freaking girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, crack dealer, etc. to go park somewhere else!!!! Just because you copulate on a regular basis doesn't mean they are entitled to make this their own personal free parking lot. I dish out over $500 fucking dollars a month to live here and so it is total and utter bullshit when I come back from campus at 3:15 in the fucking morning after a long ass day of work and I have to go find someplace else to park my car so I don't have to get a fucking ticket. If you are not paying rent here, go find some other fucking place to park your fucking car!

related: When parking gets political

Tags: bold underlined italics · car · exclamation-point happy!!!! · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · jealous much? · Massachusetts · neighbors · parking · rebuttals

Ford Motor Company’s interesting new guerilla marketing campaign

April 6th, 2010 · 66 Comments

Who needs a “Powertrain warranty”? According to this Connecticut notewriter, if you buy a Ford, you get a lifetime worth of diplomat-worthy parking privileges!

Inconsiderate Driver,  You drive a piece of shit CHEVY that doesn't even deserve one parking spot, let alone two. It would be greatly appreciated if you only took up one parking spot, or simply bought a FORD b/c Chevys suck. Thanks :)

Confession: I didn’t get my driver’s license until I was 27. I am a terrible parker. (I am slow, but I try.) If only I had bought a Ford!

related: The Mini Cooper owner’s dilemma — “Save the earth, kill the kids?!

extra credit: “Chevy” [urbandictionary.com]

Tags: car · Connecticut · parking · smiley · unsolicited feedback

Old habits die…with a pout.

March 19th, 2010 · 187 Comments

“I found this note on my car after two days of parking in a certain (unmarked) spot on the street bordering my school,” says Shane in North Dakota. “Tomorrow, I’m so parking there.”

I'm gonna say this in the nicest possible way, don't park in my spot. I have parked here for 3 years. This isn't a threat I just don't want you parking in my spot. And neither do the people in this row.

related: Can you dig it?

Tags: cry me a freaking river · parking

Can you dig it?

February 21st, 2010 · 364 Comments

“When I first moved to Chicago,” says Mike, “my grandfather told me about parking in the winter. One would dig out a spot and insert a chair, reserving the spot for your trouble.” One of his neighbors, it seems, didn’t get the benefit of such grandfatherly wisdom.

Dear Transplant, You obviously haven't lived in Chicago long.

Neither, apparently, did Chris…who made the mistake of parking in an empty space outside his friend’s house in Chicago for few hours. When he got home, he found this note affixed to his mirror with glue.

Thanks for being so rude by parking in the space that I shoveled out for my family.

And of course, Chicago isn’t the only city that takes its snow-shoveling etiquette seriously.

Just ask Anna in New Jersey…

This table is not trash, it is mine. I am using it to mark my parking spot that I so diligently shoveled out twice yesterday.

Or Brooke in Indianapolis…

I spent 3.5 hours over 2 days to shovel this parking space out so i could get to work and earn a paycheck. Since parking on the street is my only option at the moment, I would ask that you respect my hard work in shoveling myself out and NOT take my spot to park.  Have your business spend money to plow your spots in front of your business if you would like a clean spot to park.  Regards, A homeowner with a sore back from shoveling so much snow!!!

Or Amy in Washington, D.C…

Dear "Neighbor": I'm sure you thought the Recycling Bin and Trash Bags were just there for decoration. When a person spends hours digging out a parking spot through two separate snowstorms, she has a right to park there upon her return.

Or Larry in Silver Spring, Maryland…

NOT COOL!!  You didn't take 3 hours to shovel this spot OUT!!  This is MY parking spot!!

Or Kristin in Pittsburgh…

PLEASE DON'T PARK HERE (or I will totally lose my shit!!)

Olivia in Albany…

Don't think about parking here   Shovel your own space  Thank you   Have a nice day

Or Chris in Boston…where they’re always keepin’ it classy.

Hey fucking asshole the barrel was there for a reason. I didn't shovel out the spot that you could park your shitbox in it you fucking dickhead.

related: Boston, a place for friends

Tags: Chicago · etiquette · most popular notes of 2010 · neighbors · parking · snow

When parking gets political

January 31st, 2010 · 202 Comments

One day, Mike in Seattle pulled into his section of the parking garage, where there were dozens of open spaces that never fill up. “Rather than doing a 12-point turn to get right next to a concrete column, I just pulled in and called it good enough. Apparently I had been taking liberties with Mother Earth that day or something, as I was later blessed with this gem tucked under my wiper blade.”

Hey, you selfish asshole (probably a republican) nobody else has a problem taking only one space. I'll have you towed next time.

Trix says her Dad spotted this variation on the same theme while strolling through Portland, Oregon — “a well-known haven for parking-space-hugging liberals.”

YOUR VEHICLE OCCUPIES TWO PARKING SPACES. YOU MUST BE SPECIAL...OR REPUBLICAN.

And of course, the irrational assumptions go both ways. Amber in Whitinsville, Mass. — who happens to be gainfully employed, thankyouverymuch — found this under her windshield wiper one day.

With a crap car like yours, you need one more Democrat social program to help you. so, this GOP'er, who works for a living is helping you out...guess I should pay more taxes! =)

Lara in Arlington, Virginia bore the brunt of an even more retrograde brand of passive-aggressive paternalism when she committed the sin of parking a smidge over the yellow line.

Did you even look at your after you parked it. Seriously, shame on your husband for letting you drive b/c its obvious that you are a woman. Do better next time pumpkin!

related: Herbie Goes to Washington

Tags: a little patronizing · car · casual sexism · most popular notes of 2010 · parking · politics