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Entries Tagged as 'text message'

Do any of your little meat-eating friends want a cat?

February 5th, 2012 · 349 Comments

You might recall this epic note — the obnoxious vegan roommate who “forbade” her roommate from bringing animal products into the apartment. Our original submitter writes in to say that since that showdown, she decided to move out (in favor of a more omnivore-friendly living environment).

“After almost five months of zero communication,” she reports, “my ex-roomie started texting me out of nowhere. It appears her vegan fanaticism is still putting her at odds with others.”

Hi. I adopted a cat in November. Tried to maintain it on a vegan diet, but all the vets I saw say this is bad. I've decided I want to give it up and get a bunny. I posted a status on FB advertising it for adoption and no one responded. Really don't want it around me anymore. Since you have a primitive diet, would you mind adopting it?

 Sorry I don't like cats. Take it to a shelter.  Yeah, no. See, that's exactly what I'm trying to AVOID. Do any of your little meat-eating friends want a cat?  They either already have pets or don't want any. Sorry.  Okay. Thanks for being super useful as always!

related: My self-righteous vegan roommate

Tags: cats · frenemies · just an asshole · most popular notes of 2012 · self-righteous vegans · text message · Would you mind?

So NOT where I thought that one was going…

July 24th, 2011 · 49 Comments

Writes Stacey in Massachusetts: “The church around the corner from my house is famous for the little rants on their sign, but this one definitely takes the cake.” Obviously, texting while driving isn’t cool, but as Stacey put it: “For a church, it just seems a bit…hostile.”

Love Jesus? To meet him now, text while driving!

Meanwhile, I just opened up the August issue of Texas Monthly to see this slightly more gently worded version…

related: Sincerely, God

extra credit: Church sign generator

Tags: driving · Jesus · Massachusetts · questionable logic · reverse psychology · rhetorical question · text message

Brake Check Reality Check

April 14th, 2011 · 175 Comments

Two words: Team Fletcher!

[Status update:] I bet if I breakchecked [sic] this old man behind me... His Kia would be fucked. Get off my ass grandpa... [Comment:] Maybe if you keep texting & driving the person in front of you will brake check YOU!

related: Facebook is for frenemies

Tags: cell phone · driving · Facebook · oh snap · Tampa · text message

And you’re not invited to my birthday party, either.

March 2nd, 2011 · 240 Comments

So, Dana was hanging out at a friend’s place with a bunch of people, and — as many people do these days — was texting back and forth with her significant other in the midst of the conversation. Our submitter didn’t give any indication that this was a formal dinner party or anything like that, but apparently the host was so enraged by Dana’s breach of etiquette that he or she left the room to type, print, and sign this note, and then — due to the lack of an available notary public — handed it directly to Dana.

Dear Dana, I'm not really into those people people who sit and text or talk to their significant others all the time. Especially when it's someone I haven't seen in awhile. Get out.

related: We’re ALL busy, man.

Tags: cell phone · etiquette · frenemies · most popular notes of 2011 · sig o · text message

Way to rub it in, mates.

October 1st, 2010 · 53 Comments

Kelcy from London snapped this photo while this year’s Glastonbury Festival. “And yes, it was amazing,” she says. “Poor Tom!”

Our mate Tom (whose 12) couldn't make it this year, please text him and tell him what a great time you're having!!! THANKS

UPDATE: Prue from Manchester reports spotting a similar — slightly more aggressive — message at Glastonbury, too. “The crossed out bits were the ‘just ex’ girlfriend’s phone number and name (so one could send her an abusive message on Facebook),” Prue says. “Lovely.”

Our mate Jack was't allowed to come cos his

related: “Cheers, mate!” is not an acceptable tip in Texas

Tags: apostrophe catastrophe · ex drama · text message · U.K.

Textbook Dmitri

August 12th, 2009 · 184 Comments

K, so Court in Michigan met this guy out at a bar. He seemed harmless enough, but Court knew right he wasn’t her type. Still, she didn’t have the heart to give him a flat-out “no” when he asked for her number. (She couldn’t give him a fake one, either, ’cause he the did the “dial his number into the phone and call” thing.)

Says Court: “The first time he called, I talked to him and decided right then I definitely wasn’t interested.” By the end of the conversation, she figured he’d gotten the message…but then he kept calling. And then, texting. When she didn’t respond, Court says, “I assumed he’d take the hint…but I’m not too sure he did.” Um, yeah, you could say that.

Fine, be a bitch then!

related: Not a match

Tags: casual sexism · just not that into you · Michigan · oh no you didn't · spurned lover · text message · unsolicited feedback

A text from the big guy upstairs (or downstairs)

June 15th, 2009 · 131 Comments

As far as he can tell, Chris in Portland thinks this anonymous text was sent by his downstairs neighbor after a morning of hitting the snooze button one too many times. “Needless to say,” Chris admits, “this was not the first time I had ignored the alarm  clock.”

What’s strange, Chris says, is that he has no idea how the neighbor got a hold of his cell phone number. “My only thought is that about a month prior to receiving this text, I left my phone number on a post-it on the front door of the building so the UPS delivery guy could get a hold of me. They must have held onto that number the whole time, just waiting for the absolute breaking point.”

Turn your motherfucking alarm off.

Creepy…but kind of genius, right?

related: Recipe for roommate discord

Tags: cell phone · neighbors · noise · Portland · text message

Thanks, Mom, for reminding me why I moved out in the first place

May 10th, 2009 · 95 Comments

Writes our anonymous submitter: “I’m the oldest of four girls, none of whom are living at home. In fact, we’re all currently living in different states. My mom resents the fact that we don’t want to spend the rest of our lives living under her roof. On Mother’s Day she screened my call, then mass-texted all four of us this gem. Happy Mother’s day, Mom!!”

just want 2 wish u all happy kids day!

Meanwhile, Stephen in Spain thought he was being considerate by waiting until later in the day to call, given the six-hour time difference. Next year, he’ll know to wake his Mom up at 4 a.m. to show her JUST HOW MUCH HE CARES!

I know that it doesn't mean much that I am your mother

related: Really, Mom, you shouldn’t have

Tags: e-mail · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · Mother's Day · text message

Gossip boy

December 2nd, 2007 · 46 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in San Diego got this text message from a friend, explaining: “It’s in reference to him hooking up with one of my friends on my couch. He’s hooked up with three of my friends to date. It’s bound to get around, ya know?”

So I am so glad my drunk outings with you turn into great stories you share with EVERYONE

Adds our submitter: “There’s no safe way to respond to a passive-aggressive text, so I haven’t.”

related: Recipe for roommate discord

Tags: drizzunk · frenemies · San Diego · sarcasm · sex sex sex · text message

Recipe for roommate discord

November 17th, 2007 · 200 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in Detroit tells us his roommate is a repeat offender when it comes to passive-aggressive note-leaving. This time around, he went with a note AND a text message. (“And it’s not even my fault!” our submitter protests.)

The oven was left on 450 again. Don't use the oven if you can't turn it OFF

related: Text me at work if you want to talk!

Tags: and that's an order · blitzkrieg approach · Detroit · kitchen · oven · roommates · text message · that's a fire hazard · turning on/off