Entries Tagged as 'Clearly a non-native English speaker'

It loses something in translation

May 7th, 2013 · 47 Comments

Drew is currently sharing an apartment in Taiwan with three roommates. One day, this note appeared on the door of the bathroom, directly facing the toilet. Says Drew: “I contemplate its meaning like a Zen haiku.”

What is Toilet love? Love: Delicious Tissues Love: Great Pee Hate: Disgust Phone Hate: Terrible Hair Love: Yummy Poo

related: My German roommate

Tags: Clearly a non-native English speaker · clip art catastrophe · most popular notes of 2013 · roommates · toilet · WTF?

No Killer Littering

January 7th, 2013 · 51 Comments

Bill says he’s lived in the same building in Shenzhen, China for four years, “and the place still cracks me up, daily.” The latest from his building’s noticeboard:

Dear owners (inhabitants): The management office received some complaints from lower inhabitants recently, they said that things often fall from upstairs, like cigarette end, napkin, even turtle, there are serious security risks, once the damage cause, the perpetrator must take legal responsibility. In order to create a good and safety living environment for you and others, we propose: Keep good habits, and recommend the family members (especially children):

related: Beware of falling hairballs

Tags: China · Clearly a non-native English speaker · landlords and property managers · neighbors

Sigh-onara forever

October 27th, 2011 · 64 Comments

Ashley in Ohio has no complaints about the English skills of her Japanese pen pal, but this “thank you” card left her feeling like something must have gotten lost in translation. “Although I’ve been sending her e-mails and cards for every tiny holiday, this apparently hasn’t been enough to satisfy her,” Ashley says. (Ouch.)

Hi. How are you? I'm good.  Thank you write many card to me. But I hope I get normal (long) letter to you. When do you send I ask things?  I told you in my e-mail (I think you don't read it).  I don't want to your friend.  Please never write back to me.  (I searched another US Penpals).  Bye Forever  From Sayaka  Happy Halloween.  Merry Christmas.  Thank you.  and A Happy New Year  Happy Valentine's day!

related: Please don’t sit with me ever again.

Tags: Clearly a non-native English speaker · painfully polite · thanks (but not really) · way harsh

Dear Bad Mood Customer

February 2nd, 2011 · 52 Comments

“The Lakeview area doesn’t have the most convenient post office locations, so many people just stop in at this shipping center,” says Zach in Chicago. “This sign is well known in the neighborhood.” (Indeed, I’ve gotten photos of it from at least five different submitters.)

“The lady who served me seemed nice,” says Leigh, “but I guess people aren’t so nice to her.” Meanwhile, Casey, another submitter, says: “the little lady actually picks fights with customers! She charged me astronomical prices for shipping books and when I asked her about it, she started yelling at me.” I guess that’s the convenience charge?

Dear Bad Mood Customer if you don't like our price just go other place for your business. Don't make our day not peaceful by only less than $1.00 more and your dirty words. Life is so short to be ? by your too little. Thank you.

Dear Bad Mood Customer if you don't like our price just go other place for your business. Don't make our day not peaceful by only less than $1.00 more and your dirty words. Life is so short to be ? by your too little. Thank you.

related: Service with a snarl

Tags: "customer service" · actually totally reasonable · CAPS LOCK · Chicago · Clearly a non-native English speaker · high on highlighter

The Ring 3: Death by Sandwich

December 7th, 2010 · 86 Comments

Matt, a law student in Boston, surmises that this note posted in the school’s student lounge was written by non-native English speaker  — “the other possibility being that the stress of exams has eaten away at his ability to write coherently.” But what’s curious about this note isn’t the spelling and grammar so much as the the variety and specificity of immediate punishments that are promised within.

“For example,” asks Matt: “Will the food choke the perpetrator, or will Frank be the choker?  How will the burns be administered to the sleeper?” And so on. ”In any case,” he adds, “at least the various threatened deaths won’t be drawn out. (Also, to the best of my knowledge, there is no ‘video record’ of the refrigerator.)”

To the asshole who stole my food this Friday between 12:00 pm - 5:00 pm on the first floor: Go to hell! You bastard! You're son of bitch! You're a jerk! You make me sick! I hate you! You will die soon! When you get out of this door, you will be hit by a car and die immediately! When you eating food, you will get choked and die immediately! When you sleeping, you will get burned and die immediately! My food has been stolen more than 5 times since last semester. I'm not going to put up with this! I'm telling you for the last time! Don't do this again! Because I'm going to check the video record and You are dead meat!  PS: People please pay attention, thief is around us! When you get him, you must kick his ass!

related: Testosterone-fueled wackjobs make the dardnest threats!

Tags: Boston · Clearly a non-native English speaker · die bitch die · food · lawyers & law students · not-so-veiled threats · p.s.

I have a problem with your window manners

November 4th, 2010 · 109 Comments

At the time he received this note in his letterbox, Mike was living in Copenhagen, Denmark, where the apartments buildings tend to be rather close together. “My neighbor’s window is about 15 feet away from mine, across an alley,” Mike explains. “I can see her; she can see me.”

Though the wording of this note is considerably more polite compared to similar requests from other parts of the world, it still raised several questions in Mike’s mind. First of all, he says, “I have no idea how she knows I’m American. It’s not like I’m sitting in front of my computer, draped in an American flag.”

But more importantly, he wonders, “What’s the etiquette here? I thought this was just one of the quirks of urban living. You hear other people’s music, smell their cooking, and glimpse them through the window every once in awhile. I don’t really see why I should be the one to close my blinds and sit in the dark all day, since they’re the ones that have a problem with it.”

Well, what say you, peanut gallery?

Hello US Citizen! It's your neighbor speaking… I have a problem with your

Mike’s transcription: Hello US Citizen! It’s your neighbor speaking… I have a problem with your “window manners” — It’s quite problematic having you sitting in facel(?)-front many hours a day without making it cover or anything. I feel overlooked [Danglish for 'watched'] and compromised. XXX, Mel.

related: Be more private with yourself!

Tags: Clearly a non-native English speaker · Denmark · etiquette · neighbors · privacy · signed with love

Park on my privates again? No!

October 25th, 2010 · 128 Comments

Lisa from Toronto doesn’t try to hide the fact that this note was, uh, not exactly undeserved. “On a long weekend in Grand Bend, my boyfriend squeezed into a parking spot which partially placed his front tires on the edge of someone’s lawn,” she says. But if Lisa and her bf lost any sleep over their vehicular faux pas — and I’m guessing they didn’t — it seems like this note, which Lisa called “amazing,” would more than make up for it. Okay!

Why you bad park? No ticket! I have for son dealer plate! You ok? Fuck you guy! Okay! Park on my privates again? No! Bad park you.

Tags: actually totally reasonable · Clearly a non-native English speaker · double-entendre alert · exclamation-point happy!!!! · most popular notes of 2010 · Ontario · parking

Just back away, slowly

October 19th, 2010 · 42 Comments

You’d think, as Jen from St. Louis did, that this carefully typed message (from the public toilet at the Golden Gate Bridge), is indisputably good advice.

Please use a piece of toilet paper before flushing.

But as Kim observed while studying abroad on the Caribbean island of St. Maarten, there’s an exception (explosion?) to every rule.

MADAME, PLEASE DON'T THROW TOILET PAPER IN THE TOILET BOWL BECAUSE IT WILL EXPOLDE [sic] ON YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!

related: Poseidon’s a pervert

Tags: bizarro spacing · CAPS LOCK · Clearly a non-native English speaker · toilet · toilet paper · unnecessary "quotation marks" · WTF?

>>Crushing<< is mostly the better term

October 7th, 2010 · 90 Comments

Paul has lived in his apartment in Berlin for 15 months, but this note is the first time he’s heard a single complaint about his door. Especially annoying, Paul says, is the fact that it’s anonymous, “even though it could possibly have been written by only one of two people,” and that it’s written in English, “which most expats would consider an insult.”

Just another example of how — no matter smiley faces you sprinkle throughout — your oh-so-courteous anonymous note is probably just going to leave everyone more “pi**ed off.”

Dear Neighbours, some people livin here , are really pi**ed about the way, you close your door, when coming/leaving. >>Closing<< is usually the wrong term to describe this. >>Crushing<< is mostly the better term. If your door is broken , let it repair from our beloved [redacted] or Repair it yourself or Use your key to close it in a way, not bothering your neighbors. ....and kindly give this info your visitors too ;-) Greetz & Peace

related: Wie bitte(r)?

extra credit: “Greetz” [urbandictionary.com]

Tags: Berlin · Clearly a non-native English speaker · comma diarrhea · door-slamming · neighbors · noise · opening/closing · pointlessly self-censored profanity · sad face · smiley

Little Dippers and Effeminate Stationery, Inc.

July 28th, 2010 · 60 Comments

Spotted by Kelly at gas station somewhere between Los Angeles and Monterey, California: a prime example of why notewriters (and corporations) cannot live on spell-check alone.

Please, don't through toilette paper, paper towels, baby dippers and feminine papers in toilette, because that will clog the toilette, help keep the bathroom clean. Thank you for Your Corporation

related: Stupid is as stuiped does

Tags: California · Clearly a non-native English speaker · gas station · irregular capitalization · spelling and grammar police · toilet · You call that punctuation?