Drew is currently sharing an apartment in Taiwan with three roommates. One day, this note appeared on the door of the bathroom, directly facing the toilet. Says Drew: “I contemplate its meaning like a Zen haiku.”

related: My German roommate

Bill says he’s lived in the same building in Shenzhen, China for four years, “and the place still cracks me up, daily.” The latest from his building’s noticeboard:

related: Beware of falling hairballs

Ashley in Ohio has no complaints about the English skills of her Japanese pen pal, but this “thank you” card left her feeling like something must have gotten lost in translation. “Although I’ve been sending her e-mails and cards for every tiny holiday, this apparently hasn’t been enough to satisfy her,” Ashley says. (Ouch.)

related: Please don’t sit with me ever again.

“The Lakeview area doesn’t have the most convenient post office locations, so many people just stop in at this shipping center,” says Zach in Chicago. “This sign is well known in the neighborhood.” (Indeed, I’ve gotten photos of it from at least five different submitters.)

“The lady who served me seemed nice,” says Leigh, “but I guess people aren’t so nice to her.” Meanwhile, Casey, another submitter, says: “the little lady actually picks fights with customers! She charged me astronomical prices for shipping books and when I asked her about it, she started yelling at me.” I guess that’s the convenience charge?

related: Service with a snarl

Matt, a law student in Boston, surmises that this note posted in the school’s student lounge was written by non-native English speaker  — “the other possibility being that the stress of exams has eaten away at his ability to write coherently.” But what’s curious about this note isn’t the spelling and grammar so much as the the variety and specificity of immediate punishments that are promised within.

“For example,” asks Matt: “Will the food choke the perpetrator, or will Frank be the choker?  How will the burns be administered to the sleeper?” And so on. ”In any case,” he adds, “at least the various threatened deaths won’t be drawn out. (Also, to the best of my knowledge, there is no ‘video record’ of the refrigerator.)”

related: Testosterone-fueled wackjobs make the dardnest threats!

At the time he received this note in his letterbox, Mike was living in Copenhagen, Denmark, where the apartments buildings tend to be rather close together. “My neighbor’s window is about 15 feet away from mine, across an alley,” Mike explains. “I can see her; she can see me.”

Though the wording of this note is considerably more polite compared to similar requests from other parts of the world, it still raised several questions in Mike’s mind. First of all, he says, “I have no idea how she knows I’m American. It’s not like I’m sitting in front of my computer, draped in an American flag.”

But more importantly, he wonders, “What’s the etiquette here? I thought this was just one of the quirks of urban living. You hear other people’s music, smell their cooking, and glimpse them through the window every once in awhile. I don’t really see why I should be the one to close my blinds and sit in the dark all day, since they’re the ones that have a problem with it.”

Well, what say you, peanut gallery?

Mike’s transcription: Hello US Citizen! It’s your neighbor speaking… I have a problem with your “window manners” — It’s quite problematic having you sitting in facel(?)-front many hours a day without making it cover or anything. I feel overlooked [Danglish for 'watched'] and compromised. XXX, Mel.

related: Be more private with yourself!

Lisa from Toronto doesn’t try to hide the fact that this note was, uh, not exactly undeserved. “On a long weekend in Grand Bend, my boyfriend squeezed into a parking spot which partially placed his front tires on the edge of someone’s lawn,” she says. But if Lisa and her bf lost any sleep over their vehicular faux pas — and I’m guessing they didn’t — it seems like this note, which Lisa called “amazing,” would more than make up for it. Okay!

You’d think, as Jen from St. Louis did, that this carefully typed message (from the public toilet at the Golden Gate Bridge), is indisputably good advice.

But as Kim observed while studying abroad on the Caribbean island of St. Maarten, there’s an exception (explosion?) to every rule.

related: Poseidon’s a pervert

Paul has lived in his apartment in Berlin for 15 months, but this note is the first time he’s heard a single complaint about his door. Especially annoying, Paul says, is the fact that it’s anonymous, “even though it could possibly have been written by only one of two people,” and that it’s written in English, “which most expats would consider an insult.”

Just another example of how — no matter smiley faces you sprinkle throughout — your oh-so-courteous anonymous note is probably just going to leave everyone more “pi**ed off.”

related: Wie bitte(r)?

extra credit: “Greetz” [urbandictionary.com]

Spotted by Kelly at gas station somewhere between Los Angeles and Monterey, California: a prime example of why notewriters (and corporations) cannot live on spell-check alone.

related: Stupid is as stuiped does