Entries Tagged as 'clip art catastrophe'

Beware of Barking Mad Cat Lovers!

September 14th, 2011 · 61 Comments

While on her first trip to Bergen, Norway, Den from London was strolling a residential side street when she came across across this note taped to a large window where, just inside, several cats were dozing the day away.

The cutesy clip art is a nice touch, Den says, but she was particularly tickled by the idea of this person rounding up cat-lovers from across the Internet to bark manically at THE PATHETIC MAN WHO DO NOT EVEN HAVE BALLS the next time he strolls by with his dog.

DO WE WISH ME TO PUBLISH YOUR PHOTO ALL OVER INTERNET? ...SO ALL MY FRIENDS AND CAT LOVERS CAN JOIN YOUR HOBBY AND START HAUNTING AND BARKING/ATTACKING ON YOU WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT?

related: My cat-shit crazy neighbor

Tags: CAPS LOCK · cats · clip art catastrophe · dogs · noise · Norway

The needy little dishwasher

September 12th, 2011 · 43 Comments

Dear poor, neglected automatic dishwasher: have you considered therapy? (Adds Ben in London: “God help us if somebody pisses off the kettle.”)

The DISHWASHER is sad! He rarely gets fed properly, so please feed him as soon as you have finished with your cup, glass, breakfast bowl, plate or cutlery. He will clean it at the end of every day and poop it out fresh and sparkling. If he is full he has a big brother and sister on the 2nd floor. The SINK is angry! She is fed up having dirty cups, glasses, breakfast bowls etc left in her which look messy, smell and get in the way for  other people using the sink. By all means use her to rinse your items which makes her happy, but please do not leave things sitting in the sink. Together we can make this kitchen a happier place if we all work together! Please help us, The Kitchen Appliance Care & Appreciation Society (KACAS)

Meanwhile, in Texas…

Oh Michael! I want you* inside me. Turn me on** and then fill me up***! *to put the dirty dishes **to the standard washing cycle ***with whatever is in the sink

related: When dishwashers speak

Tags: anthropomorphism · clip art catastrophe · dishwasher · double-entendre alert · kitchen

It’s not just God who’s watching you…

July 17th, 2011 · 35 Comments

While admiring a “very nice” church in Edinburgh, James was only slightly discomfited by this notice about the measures being taken to ensure his comfort.

SMILE, you are on camera. For your safety and comfort there are 9 security cameras monitoring the premises. If you are not here to pray - it's not just God who's watching you!

related: He died for your clip art

Tags: clip art catastrophe · God · Scotland

How does a 135° angle sound like a couch?

June 13th, 2011 · 90 Comments

If I worked at Steve‘s office, I would definitely be rallying the troops to launch a (non) silent 90° protest of round-the-clock water-glass-filling…and then place “out of order” signs on all the restrooms. (It would be lame, but not as lame as this sign.)

Water Cooler Etiquette

This is not a thing, people! I refuse to acknowledge this is a thing!

related: Is this a thing now?

Tags: a little uptight · clip art catastrophe · etiquette · noise · office · piss · water

Do as I say, not as I do

May 2nd, 2011 · 33 Comments

First up: a peek inside the recently renovated dressing rooms at London’s swank Royal Albert Hall. Adds our submitter: “You can just feel the glamour, can’t you?”

Please do not hang anything from the pipes (except notices about pipes)

Meanwhile, in the breakroom at Ashley’s office, even snarky responses get their own frames. Now that’s classy.

 [note 1:] DO NOT PUT ANY THING ON TOP OF THIS FRIDGE. THANKS! MGT [note 2:] DO NOT PUT ANYTHING ON TOP OF THIS FRIDGE EXCEPT NOTES TELLING PEOPLE NOT TO PUT ANYTHING ON TOP OF THIS FRIDGE. THANKS!

related: Please refrain from unintentional irony

Tags: clip art catastrophe · London · rebuttals

If you don’t read this, the terrorists win! Do you hate America?

December 22nd, 2010 · 43 Comments

Did you hear? Jack Bauer is back again! He’s now working unofficially as the head of the Cubicle Counter Terrorism Unit. And apparently, he gets his best propaganda ideas right here at PAN!

IF YOU SPIT YOUR GUM INTO THE URINAL, THE TERRORISTS. WIN. DO YOU HATE AMERICA?

If you don't replace the toilet roll, the terrorists have won. Do you hate America?

If you don't make more coffee the terrorists win!!! Why do you hate america???

Coffee Pot Threat Level

HEY! Yeah, you. Do you hate America? Every wasted drop of water represents a victory for the terrorists. Please, show your patriotism: Turn off the sink. -Thanks!

If you don't replace the toilet paper, the terrorists win. Do you hate America?

(Thanks to Lisa in Utah, Tyler in Texas, Michael in Ohio and Sleepy Engineer in Virginia for their submissions!)

related: Five approaches to TP maintenance (the original “terrorists win” note)

Tags: bathroom · clip art catastrophe · coffee · Copycat · misplaced patriotism · office cop · toilet paper

Clip art: unsafe at any speed

October 26th, 2010 · 62 Comments

Mosef in Houston says this is just one of the workplace safety team’s many delightfully fear-based messages that decorate his office.

Sometimes the biggest reasons for working safely are the smallest ones. They expect YOU to come home safely. Don't disappoint them. Be SAFE for your FAMILY!!!

Meanwhile, our submitter in Athens, Georgia says that copies of this one particular sign appeared one day out of nowhere, taped to practically every available surface. (I’m guessing the thinking behind it was something like, “Well, if a picture’s worth a thousand words, a thousand pictures are…oooh, a piggy bank!”)

REMEMBER THINK! SAFETY FIRST

related: He died for your clip art.

extra credit: Instructional Instructions

Tags: clip art catastrophe · office

In case of emergency…well, you’re on your own.

August 30th, 2010 · 72 Comments

In one of my clearest memories of first grade, I distinctly remember my teacher telling us, on the first day of school, that the bathroom in the back of the classroom was only for emergencies. For non-emergencies, we’d have to wait until lunchtime. In my six-year-old mind, however, “emergency” meant only one thing: “throwing up.”  And so, when I had to go, I held it. And held it. Until…well, I wasn’t holding it anymore.

That’s right: It actually took wetting my pants for me to learn that the word “emergency” means very different things to different people — a concept some people apparently still haven’t figured out.

It’s unclear, for example, what might constitute a “citrus emergency” at this Pleasanton, California optometrist’s office. (Perhaps a masochistic mandarin peeling itself?)

NO CUTIE FINGERS IN THE LAB! CUTIE FINGER BUSINESS CAN BE CONDUCTED OUTSIDE THE LAB UNLESS IT'S AN EMERGENCY. THANK YOU.

You might think people would be a little more precise in their language on a military base. At Arizona’s Fort Huachuca, you’d only be about half right.

NO WALK-INS EXCEPT FOR EMERGENCIES SUCH AS DEATHS & PAYROLL PROBLEMS

At Gustavo’s new office building in Seattle, it only took about a week — and about a bazillion false alarms— before someone decided a little clarification was necessary. (Sorta sounds like something you’d expect from a classroom of first-graders, no?)

Do not push this button unless the building is on fire and it is a big fire. Thank you. -Floor 21

Meanwhile, Andrew in Cirencester, England only noticed this sign after pushing open one of his office’s alarmed fire doors (triggering a sudden and unforeseen occurrence — i.e., ear-shattering noise).

SECURITY NOTICE THIS IS AN EMERGENCY EXIT AND SHOULD ONLY BE USED IN AN EMERGENCY. THEREFORE, PLEASE DO NOT OPEN DOOR UNLESS IT IS AN EMERGENCY. THE MEANING OF THE WORD EMERGENCY IS AN UNFORESEEN OR SUDDEN OCCURRENCE. e.g. YOU OR OTHERS ARE IN DANGER AND NEED TO EXIT THE BUILDING IMMEDIATELY.

related: Gee, thanks for the clarification

Tags: Arizona · California · CAPS LOCK · clip art catastrophe · obnoxious definition · office · Seattle · U.K. · WTF?