PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » Colorado

In the spirit of the holidays…enjoy the pipe bomb!

Kerry — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 21:53:00 +0000

My friend Amy and her husband recently had a UPS package stolen from their front porch. Thanks to the wonders of a home security camera, they were able to see that the thieves were actually their next-door neighbors. After a few rounds of “WHAT? WHO DOES THAT? REALLY?” they called the cops and had the fools arrested. (Score: Technology – 1; Humanity – 0.)

Meanwhile, the residents under siege at this Denver apartment building seem to be taking the vigilante approach to justice. Somehow, unless Batman shows up, I just don’t see this ending well.

DON’T STOP (being old and cranky)

Kerry — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 03:14:59 +0000

Kids today!!!

(Thanks to Robyn from Durango, Colorado for the submission.)

related: Roommate wanted…NO OLDS!!!

Soda stealers are the lowest forms of life!

Kerry — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 18:22:51 +0000

The subtle version (from Denver, Colorado):

And the not-so-subtle version (spotted by Ariana in Boulder, Colorado):

extra credit: Coke, Sprite, or Ice-T

Thank you for your “constructive criticism”

Kerry — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 03:38:50 +0000

When it comes to comment cards and suggestion boxes, it’s not necessarily hard to get the last word. But as Maggie noticed while leaving a dining hall at the University of Denver, it takes a skilled passive-aggressive to turn a totally neutral, boilerplate response into an obvious “up yours” without so much as an exclamation point.

extra credit: College Cafeterias Get Bad Grades from the Health Dept. [nytimes.com]

On the next episodes of Hoarders…

Kerry — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 00:57:03 +0000

Many months ago, one of our submitter’s coworkers decided to fortify the entire office freezer with family-sized bricks of monosodium glutamate.

(Was there an amazing “buy 20, get one free” special at Wal-Mart? Is someone filming a processed-foods version of Super Size Me? Or just stocking up for the End Times?) Whatever the reason, this person made very clear (via post-it note) that these frozen delights were not for general consumption, thanks.

Finally, after months had gone by with no obvious signs of attrition on the Banquet line, another coworker decided to add a defiant note of protest (which in turn spurred a third note, from the office smartass.) Sadly, the real question (FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS FROZEN — WHY????) remains unanswered.

You’re just not getting it, Sugar

Kerry — Sun, 19 Dec 2010 22:10:52 +0000

From Stacey in Jacksonville, Florida: the blitzkrieg approach to ongoing breakroom disorder.

And from Englewood, Colorado…the passive-aggressive approach:

related: Nutra-not-so-sweet

NEWS ALERT: Dark alley not the safest place to store your personal belongings

Kerry — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 22:15:31 +0000

Okay, dude, I really don’t want to kick you while you’re down — getting your scooter stolen definitely sucks. (Also, based on the rage level in your note, I think you’d probably kick back pretty hard.) And yet…I’m not really buying your framing of this as some kind of public service announcement.

For one thing, I’m guessing that if you took a poll of your neighbors (including Alex, our submitter) and asked, “Hey, did you know that if you leave your personal property in this alley, it could get stolen?!” I’m pretty sure most would respond with someone along the lines of, “Uh, no shit.” Just sayin’.

Your mother doesn’t work here…so security will have to escort her out.

Kerry — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 04:07:19 +0000

I think this has got to be my new favorite (unintentional) twist on the old “your mother doesn’t work here” trope. So congratulations, overbearing office manager! The three hours of company time you spent searching for just the right clip art — not to mention your charmingly cavalier disregard for spell-check — did not go unappreciated!

P.S. I promise, from now on, I will be sure to always clean and scrub the delicious Italian rice balls so graciously provided by the Phantom Mammas infiltrating our kitchen.

I CAN HEAR YOU IN MY MIND!!!!!!

Kerry — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 15:49:42 +0000

Our submitter and his wife in Loveland, Colorado used to work the night shift together, and they’d generally get home around 3 or 4 in the morning. “We did try our best to keep quiet,” our submitter says…but apparently their best wasn’t good enough for one of their neighbors. They never actually met this particular neighbor, but they did find this note on their door one night.

This note appears to be the work of the a non-native English speaker, so it’s not the grammar here that I’d like to draw attention to. Actually, what impressed me is what a perfectly clear picture this note paints of the writer’s mental state. ”I CAN HEAR YOU IN MY MIND!!!!!!” — complete with the six trailing exclamation points — does that not just say it all?

related: euphemisms of disturb

I just hope this driver doesn’t have any tattoos

Kerry — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 02:40:40 +0000

Kit from Austin spotted this vigilante service vehicle during a road trip through Colorado…

And although the photo below was taken in Toronto, I’d like to imagine the message was scrawled in lipstick by a frustrated passenger just before passing the car above.

related: Smug Alert

Counter attack

Kerry — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 20:38:57 +0000

“Personally, I think all places should post this sign,” says Molly in Los Angeles.

These days, it appears a lot of cash register-operators agree with Molly (and the fancy shop in Studio City where she buys her cheese).

To wit: exhibit a, from Betsey in Sumter, S.C.

Exhibit b) spotted by Otto at a sandwich shop in Frisco, Colorado

And so on and so forth.

But I’d like to draw your attention to this piece, spotted by Jenna at a Pathmark pharmacy in Bayshore, New York, as a true masterpiece of the genre. With just a few carefully crafted words, it transforms this common sentiment into the ultimate in shame-inducing passive-aggression.

Frig you, ya big goof

Kerry — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 00:26:48 +0000

This note, from Michelle in Denver, displays the remarkable lengths that some people will go to avoid confrontation.

“And this bright-green gem wasn’t the only priceless thing visible,” Michelle says. “On the cubicle wall closest to the refrigerators was a camera…and it was actually connected to the computer and recording a live feed. This is why you don’t steal from the fridge when you work for a multimedia corporation!”

related: ABP on the V8

He’s just not that into unicorns

Kerry — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 04:04:58 +0000

Two target customers for Lisa Frank’s new line of movie tie-in stickers — coming soon to the Hot Topic/Urban Outfitters near you!

(Above, from Colorado. Below, from California.)

Suck on this!

Kerry — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 19:24:43 +0000

Passed along by the unfortunate hacker in question from Littleton, Colorado…

related: Stay home!!!