Entries Tagged as 'cry me a freaking river'

What your Facebook “friends” are all secretly thinking about your whiny status updates

December 18th, 2010 · 91 Comments

…it just takes a true frenemy to actually say it.

Man... You're *always* whining about how busy you are... Seriously, it's like *every* status update I see with your name on it is like *ehhh [redacted] is so busy blahaaeeehh* or something...We're all fucking busy man.

related: Busy, but not too busy for the important things in life…like Farmville.

Tags: cry me a freaking river · Facebook · frenemies · most popular notes of 2010 · Sydney

It’s my pity party, and I’ll whine if I want to

July 25th, 2010 · 62 Comments

If I had to choose the one thing I hate most about Facebook, I think it would have to be how it’s normalized the narcissistic idea that the day you were born (and increasingly the entire week/month leading up to it) is somehow an annual event of earth-shattering importance…and (part two), how it has turned into a venue for people who share that idea to host their own pity parties, like so:

wow. Thanks to all the family members that didn't wish me a happy birthday. That's nice. I'll remember that next year when it's your birthdays.

Of course, some of those people prefer the prematurely pissy approach — this message, for example, was apparently posted at 10:50 the day before her birthday:

[redacted] is wondering who would show up to my funeral because obviously my wedding and birthday aren't important enough. Thanks to those who do care though.

But on Facebook, the “proactively setting the bar low” approach (as opposed to proactively setting the bar high) might yield better results…that is, if your friends still pity you enough to put with your juvenile bullshit.

Because you can't be there, or because you don't care to be, when [redacted] turns another year older. Because it's easier than spending time with her, and you feel less guilty than RSVPing

related: “I received 25 bday wishes out of 473 Facebook friends.”

Tags: birthday · cry me a freaking river · Facebook · grow up · guilt trip · martyr complex

Because a true friend would never turn down an opportunity to play stupid games and buy you expensive crap

April 11th, 2010 · 122 Comments

…especially when the invitation is extended via your Facebook wall to everyone you know.

So you find out who your true friends are when you have a baby shower...I guess I will look at this as a blessing in disguise, because now I know that true friends aren't flakes, and flakes are not your friends!

so I had my baby shower last weekend and I have to say Im fairly disapointed [sic] in all the people that not only didnt show up but didnt even call so thanks everyone!!!!!!

thanks to all my punk ass friends for not coming to my kids b-day party... if you didn't want to go why in the hell did you say you would in the first place?? assholes

Or (oopsies!) almost everyone you know.

I would like to thank our friends for coming to M-'s very special first birthday party...OH WAIT....none of you showed up! :( I would like to thank Angel (I can always count on you) and Cathy and our course our families for making it great! Luv u!

related: Your Facebook friends…just not that into you.

extra credit: STFU, Parents

Tags: cry me a freaking river · frenemies · it's my party · kids · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · Oops? · preggers

Old habits die…with a pout.

March 19th, 2010 · 187 Comments

“I found this note on my car after two days of parking in a certain (unmarked) spot on the street bordering my school,” says Shane in North Dakota. “Tomorrow, I’m so parking there.”

I'm gonna say this in the nicest possible way, don't park in my spot. I have parked here for 3 years. This isn't a threat I just don't want you parking in my spot. And neither do the people in this row.

related: Can you dig it?

Tags: cry me a freaking river · parking

A bitter pill to swallow

December 17th, 2009 · 123 Comments

“To the best of our knowledge,” writes our submitter from Raleigh, North Carolina, “the bottle in question is one of those $0.79 plastic Deer Park water bottles.” You know, the special kind carried in just about every gas station, 7-11, and grocery store in the state.

To the one who tossed my bottles while I was on vacation - Shame on You! The small bottle I used to dissolve my medical pills after lunch. Today I could not take them because my bottle was gone.

Moral of the story? Just another example of how taking it upon yourself to clean out the ol’ office fridge can OMG KILL PEOPLE.

related: Your BBQ = 9/11

Tags: cry me a freaking river · guilt trip · North Carolina · office fridge

Ever wonder why Facebook doesn’t come with a “dislike” button?

November 16th, 2009 · 172 Comments

Maybe ’cause it would only draw more attention to douche-canoes like these.

Ever wonder why Facebook doesn't have a

Ever wonder why Facebook doesn't have a

Ever wonder why Facebook doesn't have a

Ever wonder why Facebook doesn't have a

Ever wonder why Facebook doesn't have a

Ever wonder why Facebook doesn't have a

related: facebook: a place for navel-gazing narcissists

extra credit: how to add a dislike button to facebook [lifehacker]

Tags: cry me a freaking river · Facebook

He sounds like a real catch

January 13th, 2009 · 87 Comments

“This guy at my boyfriend’s office sent out an invite  — using the company email — for a ‘we’re single, let’s mingle party,’” says our anonymous submitter in Brookline, Mass. And apparently, this wasn’t the first time.

Another invite to a party that most of your probably won't show up to

Even funnier than the subject line, our submitter adds, was the party dress code: business casual.

related: You were warned never to push Carrie to the limits

Tags: all-staff e-mail · cry me a freaking river · e-mail · it's my party · Massachusetts · office

You were warned never to push Carrie to the limits.

October 29th, 2008 · 193 Comments

Now you must face the evil bitchy consequences.

I am canceling my Halloween party, cause it seems that 60% so far have posted me back with reasons on why they can't come. So I guess instead of having fun, I'm going to be home alone, watching old horror movies, and waiting for little children to come to my door.

related: Pumpkin with a death wish

Tags: cry me a freaking river · Facebook · guilt trip · Halloween · holiday spirit · not-so-veiled threats · TL;DR

Buskers & broomsticks

September 18th, 2008 · 206 Comments

Zora Zero spotted this ongoing street-musician spat in Portobello Road Market, London.

BUSKERS Please note: WE LIVE HERE. We can't hear TV/radios or open windows when you play. Buskers who play here have had + and will have water thrown on them and the police called. Please be kind enough to play elsewhere. Thank you

I’m not a Londoner, but living near Portobello Road and complaining about the buskers seems like living near Times Square and complaining about the lights, no?  I was cheered, therefore, to see the responses added by other more busker-friendly neighbo(u)rs at the bottom of the original note.

Buskers, we live here as well and we miss you!!

Admits our submitter (who described herself as “team foreigner, with busker sympathies”): “the paint on the railing was indeed being damaged by the original anti-busking clear-plastic-envelope-taping resident.”

related: I used to be your biggest fan

Tags: CAPS LOCK · cry me a freaking river · London · music · neighbors · noise · p.s. · saga · U.K.

An occasion that Blue Mountain Arts has yet to animate

March 3rd, 2008 · 96 Comments

The “Thanks for forgetting my birthday, asshole” thank-you note: Because the only thing that would have made this e-mail from Rebecca’s (32-year-old) brother any better is a midi file soundtrack and a dancing elephant or two.

yesterday was my birthday. thanks

Adds Rebecca: “My resulting apology just yielded more hate-filled e-mails from him — nevermind that I was camping and he lives in another country which I can’t call from my cell phone! I should have taken the advice of another contributor to this site who said there is no correct way to respond to a passive-aggressive note.”

related: two birds with one snowman

Tags: birthday · cry me a freaking river · e-mail · most popular notes of 2008 · Orlando · siblings · thanks (but not really)