PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » cry me a freaking river

What your Facebook “friends” are all secretly thinking about your whiny status updates

Kerry — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 19:29:52 +0000

…it just takes a true frenemy to actually say it.

It’s my pity party, and I’ll whine if I want to

Kerry — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 02:24:37 +0000

If I had to choose the one thing I hate most about Facebook, I think it would have to be how it’s normalized the narcissistic idea that the day you were born (and increasingly the entire week/month leading up to it) is somehow an annual event of earth-shattering importance…and (part two), how it has turned into a venue for people who share that idea to host their own pity parties, like so:

Of course, some of those people prefer the prematurely pissy approach — this message, for example, was apparently posted at 10:50 the day before her birthday:

But on Facebook, the “proactively setting the bar low” approach (as opposed to proactively setting the bar high) might yield better results…that is, if your friends still pity you enough to put with your juvenile bullshit.

Because a true friend would never turn down an opportunity to play stupid games and buy you expensive crap

Kerry — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 01:00:23 +0000

…especially when the invitation is extended via your Facebook wall to everyone you know.

Or (oopsies!) almost everyone you know.

extra credit: STFU, Parents

Old habits die…with a pout.

Kerry — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 15:39:43 +0000

“I found this note on my car after two days of parking in a certain (unmarked) spot on the street bordering my school,” says Shane in North Dakota. “Tomorrow, I’m so parking there.”

related: Can you dig it?

A bitter pill to swallow

Kerry — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 07:00:42 +0000

“To the best of our knowledge,” writes our submitter from Raleigh, North Carolina, “the bottle in question is one of those $0.79 plastic Deer Park water bottles.” You know, the special kind carried in just about every gas station, 7-11, and grocery store in the state.

Moral of the story? Just another example of how taking it upon yourself to clean out the ol’ office fridge can OMG KILL PEOPLE.

related: your BBQ = 9/11

Ever wonder why Facebook doesn’t come with a “dislike” button?

Kerry — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 03:29:13 +0000

Maybe ’cause it would only draw more attention to douche-canoes like these.

extra credit: how to add a dislike button to facebook [lifehacker]

He sounds like a real catch

Kerry — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 22:00:29 +0000

“This guy at my boyfriend’s office sent out an invite — using the company email — for a ‘we’re single, let’s mingle party,’” says our anonymous submitter in Brookline, Mass. And apparently, this wasn’t the first time.

Even funnier than the subject line, our submitter adds, was the party dress code: business casual.

You were warned never to push Carrie to the limits.

Kerry — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 00:25:04 +0000

Now you must face the evil bitchy consequences.

related: pumpkin with a death wish

Buskers & broomsticks

Kerry — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 11:28:52 +0000

Zora Zero spotted this ongoing street-musician spat in Portobello Road Market, London.

I’m not a Londoner, but living near Portobello Road and complaining about the buskers seems like living near Times Square and complaining about the lights, no? I was cheered, therefore, to see the responses added by other more busker-friendly neighbo(u)rs at the bottom of the original note.

Admits our submitter (who described herself as “team foreigner, with busker sympathies”): “the paint on the railing was indeed being damaged by the original anti-busking clear-plastic-envelope-taping resident.”

related: I used to be your biggest fan

An occasion that Blue Mountain Arts has yet to animate

Kerry — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 01:57:19 +0000

The “Thanks for forgetting my birthday, asshole” thank-you note: Because the only thing that would have made this e-mail from Rebecca’s (32-year-old) brother any better is a midi file soundtrack and a dancing elephant or two.

Adds Rebecca: “My resulting apology just yielded more hate-filled e-mails from him — nevermind that I was camping and he lives in another country which I can’t call from my cell phone! I should have taken the advice of another contributor to this site who said there is no correct way to respond to a passive-aggressive note.”

related: two birds with one snowman