Entries Tagged as '“customer service”'

How’s that for a low price guarantee?

March 16th, 2010 · 119 Comments

Wayne and his son were watching the Kite Festival in Huntington Beach, California when they noticed these signs outside a shop on the pier. Says Wayne: “It was a cool store.”

LOW PRICE GUARANTEE  We guarantee that you can ALWAYS find something for at least a little less than what you bought it for if you look long and hard enough. What's the point? You're here now.

PRICES SUBJECT TO CHANGE BASED ON CUSTOMER ATTITUDE - WE OFFER EXTREMELY HIGH QUALITY & EXTREMELY LOW PRICES....PICK ONE

HAGGLING POLICY  You're in Huntington Beach, Tijuana is about 3 hours south. Our pricing is excellent, and our service is even better. However, if you still want to try for entertainment value, we always enjoy an exceptional effort.

Approved Discounts

related: Just plane rude

Tags: "customer service" · blitzkrieg approach · CAPS LOCK · most popular notes of 2010 · retail hell

Counter attack

February 25th, 2010 · 196 Comments

“Personally, I think all places should post this sign,” says Molly in Los Angeles.

We cordially ask that you...  Refrain from Call Phone Use At the Counter and Register  It's not that we don't appreciate your busy schedules, it's just nauseatingly rude and makes us feel less than human.  Thank You! -the people on the other side of the counter.

These days, it appears a lot of cash register-operators agree with Molly (and the fancy shop in Studio City where she buys her cheese).

To wit: exhibit a, from Betsey in Sumter, S.C.

Counter attack

Exhibit b) spotted by Otto at a sandwich shop in Frisco, Colorado

I wold love to take your order, As soon as you get off your Phone. -Thanx!!!

And so on and so forth.

But I’d like to draw your attention to this piece,  spotted by Jenna at a Pathmark pharmacy in Bayshore, New York, as a true masterpiece of the genre. With just a few carefully crafted words, it transforms this common sentiment into the ultimate in shame-inducing passive-aggression.

We promise...we won't interrupt you while you are on the phone. That would be rude of us.

related: Top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers in the 90s and 2000s

Tags: "customer service" · actually totally reasonable · California · cell phone · Colorado · etiquette · most popular notes of 2010 · New York · oh snap · South Carolina

FUBAR booth

November 10th, 2009 · 84 Comments

Our submitter in Denver says his buddy snapped a photo of this notice while she was getting her new military ID. Adds our submitter: “I’ve had success getting a picture retaken at the DMV, but bad photos at the military ID office are usually considered a ‘personal problem.’”

NOTICE TO CUSTOMERS!!!!  THIS CAMERA WAS SPECIALLY MADE NOT TO TAKE UGLY PICTURES. ALL I CAN SUGGEST IF YOU HAVE A COMPLAINT ABOUT YOUR PHOTOGRAPH IS THAT YOU BRING IN A BETTER FACE FOR YOUR PICTURE.

Happy Veterans Day, folks!

related: no washing your ass in the sink

Tags: "customer service" · and that's an order · CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · military

Don’t blame us

July 28th, 2009 · 158 Comments

Exhibit a) Spotted at a laundromat in Silver Lake by Jessica in Los Angeles…

Don't BLAME Us If there aren't any paper towels!!! We do our best to have a clean well run Laundromat for you to do your laundry. But, someone is: STEALING PAPER TOWELS. Taking a bunch of towels off the dispenser and taking them home. Can you believe it???? So, if there aren't towels when you need one, now you know why. Thank you.

Exhibit b) From Ronnie’s Diner, also in LA.., by Valerie:

No dogs on the patio. Thanks to the crazy lady that called the health department. Mean people suck.

Exhibit c) From Barnacle Bill’s in Sarasota, Florida:

We regret not being able to provide these products: MILLER LITE, HEINEKEN, AMSTEL LITE, COORS LITE, FOSTERS, SAM ADAMS due to extremely poor customer service by J.J. Taylor.

Exhibit d) From, as Miranda explains, ” the local ‘community thrift store’ in Dahlonega, Georgia, where everything is donated, and all the people who work there…are volunteers. Raising the prices to compensate for the volunteers’ efforts? Makes TONS of sense to me!”
Due to shoppers not willing to put things they look at back as they found them the price is being increased due to the time spent by volunteers trying to organize room

But (because the decision had to be made) I would say that this  final note — spotted by Rusty at a B&B in Newfoundland — is my absolute favorite.

LAUNDRY IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE. SORRY Due to Circumstances, the Decision HAD TO BE MADE.

related: When you can’t blame the dog

Tags: "customer service" · CAPS LOCK · confusion??? · excessive underlining · high on highlighter · laundry · passive voice · public shaming

Thanks for not asking

July 16th, 2009 · 140 Comments

Let me stop you right there. Before you say anything else, have you consulted this sign, as spotted on the door of a souvenir shop by Angie in Seattle?

No, we do not have change for the meter. Thanks for not asking

Or this one, as seen by Meghann outside a bar in San Francisco?

NO, I DON'T HAVE AN EXTRA CIGARETTE!

Well, then your questions will certainly be answered by my personal favorite, spotted by Jessie at a sandwich shop in Charlottesville, Virginia:

YES, WE WASH OUR LEMONS!!! NO, THERE ARE NO PRESCRIPTION DRUGS IN OUR FILTERED WATER!!!

related: Listing in NOW Magazine’s adult classifieds? $70. Revenge?

Tags: "customer service" · Charlottesville · exclamation-point happy!!!! · San Francisco · Seattle · thanks (but not really) · Virginia

Have it your way, jerk

July 14th, 2009 · 205 Comments

A message from your friendly fast food worker, Corey in Mount Pleasant, Michigan: “Sometimes, food service customers do not fully appreciate the people/work that goes into making their orders. It’s thought that spitting in someone’s sandwich is routine, but we often find the secret messages to be more satisfying.”

FUCK YOU burgers

related: this is why your server is cranky

Tags: "customer service" · raging against the machine · restaurant

Listing in Now Magazine’s adult classifieds: $70. Revenge?

October 6th, 2008 · 76 Comments

…well, you know how it goes.

The listing is NOW MAGAZINE is INCORRECT. We don't provide the services usually fulfilled by your left hand. If you have to knock, you don't belong here, so PLEASE LEAVE.

Meanwhile, in Melbourne…

Sorry, this premises no longer providers "erotic relaxation" or any other service of that nature.

And in London…

THIS IS NOT A BROTHEL!!

…a saucy variation on a much-photographed placard from London’s Soho:

THIS IS NOT A BROTHEL THERE ARE NO PROSTITUTES AT THIS ADDRESS

But my favorite sign was spotted by Nick at a backpacker’s hostel in Rio:

Prostitutes are strictly forbidden to come upstairs. We recommend you go to Panda Motel at Sao Clemente, 298.

related: The whore of West Babylon

Tags: "customer service" · Australia · Canada · Melbourne · Rio de Janeiro · sex sex sex · Toronto

Dear assholes

October 3rd, 2008 · 104 Comments

I think we’ve received some of your mail by mistake. Just wanted to pass these along!

xoxo, PAN

Dear Assholes, I do not steal. I have never stolen from you. Why should you do that to me? CAN'T AFFORD A DOLLAR...GET A JOB

Dear Assholes, It's all good and well if you want to sneak out here to drink your beer, but please CLEAN UP after yourselves. This is the woods, not your trash can. Sincerely, The trees, the ferns, the groundhogs, all the other creatures that have to live in your mess

Dear Asshole, 6 spaces? Park the boat, then go out. I hope you can appreciate that I took the time to write + place this. I also hope, as much as I hope to get a cordless drill this X-mas, that you get towed. God.

Dear Assholes, Hope you enjoyed me liquor. It was my last bottle EVER and it was GREAT to wake up and find it all gone. Especially since I barely got any myself. Congratulations, you stole from a homeless, dirt-poor alcoholic minor. Hope you feel great about that.

related: Arrivederci, asshole

Tags: "customer service" · beer · garbage · God · parking · stealing · The Earth

As Davy Crockett once said…

September 8th, 2008 · 146 Comments

I recently returned from a few days in San Antonio, Texas, where my friend Matt and I amused ourselves on the Riverwalk with a competition to find the tackiest souvenir possible in each store within three minutes or less. (My first win: a “pooping armadillo” keychain.) When we entered this fine establishment, however, I had to call a time-out.

as davy crockett once said...

as davy crockett once said...

as davy crockett once said...

as davy crocket once said...

as davy crockett once said...

as davy crockett once said...

as davy crockett once said...

as davy crockett once said...

as davy crockett once said...

I didn’t even get a chance to take photos of all the signs at this one store — including some amazing ones taped to the register — before I started getting the stink-eye from the manager. (I generally try to stay out of trouble in states that allow their teachers to come to class armed.) I’m telling you, Alamo, Schmalamo: this store was the highlight of my trip.

related: Tourist traps have the best signs

Tags: "customer service" · blitzkrieg approach · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · heart · high on highlighter · San Antonio · Texas · touching · tourists

Coming soon: the all-you-can-spell buffet

August 31st, 2008 · 80 Comments

Jesse says he spotted this sign at a great Mongolian restaurant in the Dallas area. “They recently changed their name from Ton’s Mongolian Grill to Tao’s garden, but apparently they haven’t figured out how to spell it yet.”

Tao''s Gadren [sic] offers all you can buffet not all you can waste. Thank you!

related: Best. Potluck. Theme. Ever.

Tags: "customer service" · CAPS LOCK · Dallas/Fort Worth · food · restaurant · spelling and grammar police