If you’ve ever tut-tutted over the consequences of big-box stores and online retailers overtaking small businesses, you’ll be heartened to hear that some folks have figured out how to bring those old-fashioned mom-n-pop ideas about customer service into the digital age…with the help of a big ol’ corporation called eBay!

While browsing the auction site for some new shades, my pal Josh stumbled across one such example — a listing from a Florida-based eBayer who goes by the name of whiteblizzard70.

This goes on for several more paragraphs (see for yourself), but I’ll skip to my favorite part — the postscript.

(Josh decided not to bid.)

related: Top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers
extra credit: How do you get out of an ebay auction? [consumerist.com]

P.S. This post reminded me of another note my friend Josh told me about a few months back — a piece of reader mail he’d received as an editor at the music mag Blender. Granted, most readers who take the time to write in to magazines like Blender are at least a little bit…off, to say the least. But the last part of this letter — a response to an “Ask Blender” column about the urban legend that Debbie Harry of Blondie was once abducted by Ted Bundy — is genuinely spine-chilling. (Passive-aggressive? Not so much. Creepy? Um, yes.)

Kendall was waiting for her peach perfection at the Jamba Juice in Elmhurst, Illinois when she spotted this note on the napkin-holder. Writes Kendall: “I guess it’s their passive-aggressive way of saying, ‘take fewer napkins, a**hole!’”

A tip for would-be internet meme-mongers: as of this writing, algoreknowshowmanynapkinsyoutake.com is still available. (What are you waiting for? apparently, these days they’re handing out book deals to any idiot with a blog!)

UPDATE 10/12/09: A copycat is on the loose in Milwaukee, Wisconsin! (As spotted by Paul in Nebraska)

UPDATE 9/24/10: Another real-world homage!  This time, from an office in Los Angeles. (It took two years for this to spread to the West Coast? Really?)

related: The audacity of theft

extra credit: isyournewbicycle.com

This masterpiece is a gift from the collection of Zedral (Morgantown, West Virginia, 2008). The original installation also includes a trail of small arrows pointing customers toward the register, along with multiple post-it reiterations along the way.

related: Ceci n’est pas une note passif-agressif

5. Being a stupid, illiterate jerk.

4. What, can’t you read?

3. Seriously, are you fucking illiterate?

2. Do we look like the kind of store that sells “I just called to say I love you”?

And last but not least…

1. The Internet (probably)

related: Our customers are always right…except when they’re wrong.

extra credit: thanks, mr. hipster

After messing up his back, Clay in Knoxville figured he’d give a chiropractor a shot. But when the doc he saw refused to show him the x-rays he’d taken until after a “seminar” about payment plans — oh, and treatment options — Clay decided to take his aching back elsewhere. A few days later, he got this caring follow-up letter in the mail.

UPDATE: Too good to be true, you say? Clay clarifies: “The reason I didn’t block out the “Woodacre” is that it was wrong — it was wrong on my charts and I pointed it out to the receptionist. One page even had a “verified by” signature on it and ALL my information was wrong. I have no idea how they got the address right on the envelope and wrong on the letterhead (the same as on the paperwork I pointed out to them), but they did.”

related: Happy to be of service

As our submitter Peter points out, the residents of Berlin — with their trademark Berliner schnauze — are not known for mincing words. But this sign, found at a coffee shop of sorts in the U-bahn station Kottbusser Tor, takes that characteristic Berliner directness one step further.

Peter’s rough translation: “Anyone who doesn’t buy anything PLEASE leave the store!!! Thanks.” (That’s at least one request we haven’t seen at a Starbucks…yet.)

related: Danke!!! [for the sarcasm]

Just in case gas prices aren’t hurting you enough lately, Tim from Madison, Wisconsin brings us this stomach-turning (yet impressively restrained) note from a petrol station somewhere en route to Green Bay.

Meanwhile, Tonya in Oakland passes along a photo taken by a traveler brave/desperate enough to actual enter a gas station restroom somewhere in Utah.

And finally, the kicker, from Jim in Columbia, S.C. —  who would’ve guessed that germaphobia and gas-station employment aren’t mutually exclusive?

related: “If it wasn’t for the toilet, there would be no books”

This public service announcement is brought to us by Tully’s Coffee, courtesy of Megan in Seattle.

related: “If it wasn’t for the toilet, there’d be no books”

While paying his old office a weekend visit, Jimsu from Katy, Texas didn’t catch the original note (or, perhaps, conversation) that precipitated this huffy screed from the mailman…

…but he did spot the follow-up from the office smartass.

related: This is why your postal worker is disgruntled

Jessica from Chicago spotted this gem at a Boston-area Starbucks.

Notes Jessica: “I wonder if all that special barista training they had recently included anything about dictating the topic of conversations allowed?”

related: Our customers are always right…except when they’re wrong