Entries Tagged as 'dogs'

The Piddler on the Roof

June 14th, 2013 · 30 Comments

Today’s special comes to us from New York City, at the entrance to the building’s roof deck. (Just in time for summer, when the entire city already smells like urine and garbage!)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Do not pee on the roof. And please do not stay up here at night. Can we agree that 11 pm is late at night? I try to sleep under your feet... It is like you are walking on my ceiling... And you tend to scream when you're up on the roof. People live under here... I've lived here for 12 years and we've never had these issues. This is not a party apartment... this is a home. If you're going up here... Try and stay around the stairwell and near the roof door... and off our sixth floor walkup ceilings. This roof leaks. This building is made of paper-mache is is really old. And I can't believe I have to say this (again)...But really — please do not piss on the roof.

Meanwhile, Jenny spotted this outside a three-story office building in Vancouver, B.C.

THANK YOU For picking up after your DOG. HOWEVER, PLEASE DO NOT THROW THE BAGS OF FECES ON THE ROOF OF THE BUILDING. Thank you for your cooperation. Building Manager

related: Dear Bob, please do not pee out your bedroom window

Tags: dogs · ellipses-crazed · New York · newspaper · noise · piss · shit

The crap we put up with for marriage…

May 6th, 2013 · 24 Comments

Our submitter spotted this twist on a well-worn trope in the Potrero Hill neighborhood of San Francisco.

My wife is not allowing me to release the video to you tube featuring your dog POOPING in front of our house and you neglecting to pick it up!!!! PLEASE PICK UP YOUR POOP or you may cause problems with my marriage. Thank You!!!

related: Do you know these dogs???

Tags: dogs · love & marriage · San Francisco · shit

Gee, thanks for the advice.

February 20th, 2013 · 66 Comments

Steve in Los Angeles says his dog has been having some separation anxiety, typically crying for about 30 minutes to an hour after Steve leaves for work. He recently found this oh-so-helpful advice taped to his front door. (His response: “WTF?!”)

Hello, I'm not sure if you're aware but your dog barks almost non stop when you're gone. He seems very unhappy. I had a similar problem but finally worked it out. Good luck.

Steve, just to put things in perspective, you might want to take a look at the Chicago approach:

To the inconsiderate asshole on the third floor who's dog won't shut the fuck up. If you don't start closing your window, the dog is gonna take a bullet. You've been warned.

related: My bite is work than your bark

Tags: "helpful" advice · Chicago · dogs · Los Angeles · neighbors · noise · warning

Pissed off (but ever-so-polite)

January 13th, 2013 · 48 Comments

In the U.K. —more so than anywhere else — self-proclaimed “polite notices” are quite often anything but. Take, for example, these two notices, both from London.

POLITE NOTICE To whom it may concern: Stop pissing all over the lavatory like a f*cking animal. What is wrong with your p*nis? Is it a corkscrew? Does it flick around like hosepipe? Here's an idea — trying pointing it even vaguely towards the water. You might enjoy the tinkly sound. Give it a shot. Go on. You f*cking animal.

POLITE NOTICE Your dog? Your shit! If I catch you, I will make YOU EAT IT!!!

related: A polite notice from New Zealand

Tags: "polite notice" · dogs · London · most popular notes of 2013 · piss · shit · toilet · U.K.

Peed off.

November 1st, 2012 · 79 Comments

Writes Jenny in San Diego: “There are four of these identical laminated signs posted at face height around the tiny front lawn of a house in my neighborhood. The lawn actually would look fine if it weren’t for the rude signs.”

Keep your bitches from urinating on the lawn. They are killing the grass.

related post:
Caught in the act
DO YOU KNOW THESE DOGS??

Tags: dogs · neighbors · piss · San Diego

Reason for Sale: Can’t Stand the Neighbors

October 26th, 2012 · 40 Comments

“To be fair,” says Loren in Ypsilanti, Michigan,“the owner does live on a popular dog-walking street. The trees are also gigantic, so I’m sure they have a ton of leaves to rake in the fall. Still, this seems a little harsh.”

Reason for sale; Can't stand the neighbors, sick of raking leafs [sic]. Hate the endless dog walking pissing on my property. Would rather live in a box then spend another year in Ypsi. I am a lifelong resident in this crappy town. Need a good house? My house is very clean. Leave a message. $200,000 firm.

related: House for rent — we have mold and roaches!

Tags: dogs · Michigan · neighbors · Ypsilanti

(We don’t speak dog)

October 25th, 2012 · 69 Comments

“About five months ago,” writes Catherine in Massachusetts, a new tenant moved in and began a new exercise regime: running back and forth in the building hallways. “His/her gait is rather lumbering and resonates throughout our apartment,” Catherine says. “We were startled at first, but have come to giggle over this frequent disruption. Apparently, one of our neighbors isn’t laughing.”

To the runner - please STOP RUNNING in the hallway To everyone else - if you're as annoyed as I am at the running, please tell the office whatever you know about who's doing it. They want to talk with him.

From there, things began to escalate. “Fortunately,” Catherine says, the ensuing flame war “just goes to show that most of our neighbors have a great sense of humor.”

To the adult-children: PLEASE GROW UP (you live in an apartment building) To everyone else If you are as annoyed as I am at the adult-children in the apartment - please ignore them until they speak to you directly about their issues, like adults...  To the dogs - please STOP YELLING AT US IN THE HALLWAY (we don't speak dog) To everyone else- If you're as annoyed as I am at the dog language in the hallway, please tell the office whatever you know about whose doing it. THey want to talk to the dog rif-raf.  To the adults - please STOP HAVING A GOOD TIME IN THE HALLWAY To everyone else If you are as annoyed as I am at the enjoyment of life in our hallway, please tell the office whatever you know about who's doing it. They want to talk to them.  To the residents - Please STOP USING THE HALLWAY To everyone else -  If you are as annoyed as I am at the use of our hallway, please tell the office whatever you know about who's doing it.  They want to talk to everyone.   To all the children- please: STOP CRYING, SQUEALING, WHINING, ACTING UP IN THE HALLWAY To everyone else- If you're as annoyed as I am at the crying, squealing, whining and acting up, please tell the office whatever you know about who's doing it. They want to talk to her.

related: The very delicate elevator

Tags: dogs · kids · Massachusetts · neighbors · noise · note wars · smartass

The Dog Shit Sheriff of Berkeley

November 28th, 2011 · 88 Comments

Joe in Berkeley doesn’t know who this note was intended for, but it showed up on his porch sometime after Thanksgiving dinner.

Mr. Cranky - While I understand that dog[s] shit on your lawn frequently...don't EVER come at me, my girlfriend, or Dog in such an ignorant, aggressive and childish fashion. You are not the dog-shit sheriff of Berkeley. If you ever speak to me in that manner again I will be sure to send a pack of Huskies who've recently eaten pounds of broccoli and chill to shit all over your lawn. If you see me again on the street an apology might make you feel like a BIG responsible boy. Otherwise, don't speak to me, Brroo, Your Neighbor

related: The Pooper Stooper

Tags: dogs · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · shit

Nobody does a “polite notice” quite like the Brits

September 20th, 2011 · 38 Comments

“One of our local parks has a busy tea shop that’s popular with walkers, cyclists, families and people exercising their dogs,” says Clive in Brighton. “I don’t blame them for getting fed up with demanding dog owners, and I suppose a note is one way to communicate, but in rhyme? And, worse, rhyme this bad?”

We walk our dogs in Stanmer Park/We go to the cafe where they sit and bark/We put out water, sell doggy biscuits at the till/We provide a lead so they sit still/So when we are busy at the till and doggy water needs a fill, please give us a thought, please don't moan/Just collect your dog and take him home/Next time when doggy wants to roam bring some water and don't moan/we are here to do a job, and it's up to you to care for your dog

related: A polite notice to the owner of this marvelous vehicle

Tags: "customer service" · "polite notice" · dogs · don't blame us · martyr complex · pure poetry · restaurant · U.K.

Beware of Barking Mad Cat Lovers!

September 14th, 2011 · 61 Comments

While on her first trip to Bergen, Norway, Den from London was strolling a residential side street when she came across across this note taped to a large window where, just inside, several cats were dozing the day away.

The cutesy clip art is a nice touch, Den says, but she was particularly tickled by the idea of this person rounding up cat-lovers from across the Internet to bark manically at THE PATHETIC MAN WHO DO NOT EVEN HAVE BALLS the next time he strolls by with his dog.

DO WE WISH ME TO PUBLISH YOUR PHOTO ALL OVER INTERNET? ...SO ALL MY FRIENDS AND CAT LOVERS CAN JOIN YOUR HOBBY AND START HAUNTING AND BARKING/ATTACKING ON YOU WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT?

related: My cat-shit crazy neighbor

Tags: CAPS LOCK · cats · clip art catastrophe · dogs · noise · Norway