PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » dogs http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people Wed, 08 Feb 2012 19:51:33 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 The Dog Shit Sheriff of Berkeley http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/28/dog-shit-sheriff/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/28/dog-shit-sheriff/#comments Mon, 28 Nov 2011 20:41:09 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19953 Joe in Berkeley doesn’t know who this note was intended for, but it showed up on his porch sometime after Thanksgiving dinner.

Mr. Cranky - While I understand that dog[s] shit on your lawn frequently...don't EVER come at me, my girlfriend, or Dog in such an ignorant, aggressive and childish fashion. You are not the dog-shit sheriff of Berkeley. If you ever speak to me in that manner again I will be sure to send a pack of Huskies who've recently eaten pounds of broccoli and chill to shit all over your lawn. If you see me again on the street an apology might make you feel like a BIG responsible boy. Otherwise, don't speak to me, Brroo, Your Neighbor

related: The Pooper Stooper

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/28/dog-shit-sheriff/feed/ 88 Nobody does a “polite notice” quite like the Brits http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/20/polite-notice-to-dog-owners/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/20/polite-notice-to-dog-owners/#comments Wed, 21 Sep 2011 02:38:17 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19433 “One of our local parks has a busy tea shop that’s popular with walkers, cyclists, families and people exercising their dogs,” says Clive in Brighton. “I don’t blame them for getting fed up with demanding dog owners, and I suppose a note is one way to communicate, but in rhyme? And, worse, rhyme this bad?”

We walk our dogs in Stanmer Park/We go to the cafe where they sit and bark/We put out water, sell doggy biscuits at the till/We provide a lead so they sit still/So when we are busy at the till and doggy water needs a fill, please give us a thought, please don't moan/Just collect your dog and take him home/Next time when doggy wants to roam bring some water and don't moan/we are here to do a job, and it's up to you to care for your dog

related: A polite notice to the owner of this marvelous vehicle

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/20/polite-notice-to-dog-owners/feed/ 38 Beware of Barking Mad Cat Lovers! http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/14/barking-mad/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/14/barking-mad/#comments Wed, 14 Sep 2011 12:00:41 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19379 While on her first trip to Bergen, Norway, Den from London was strolling a residential side street when she came across across this note taped to a large window where, just inside, several cats were dozing the day away.

The cutesy clip art is a nice touch, Den says, but she was particularly tickled by the idea of this person rounding up cat-lovers from across the Internet to bark manically at THE PATHETIC MAN WHO DO NOT EVEN HAVE BALLS the next time he strolls by with his dog.

DO WE WISH ME TO PUBLISH YOUR PHOTO ALL OVER INTERNET? ...SO ALL MY FRIENDS AND CAT LOVERS CAN JOIN YOUR HOBBY AND START HAUNTING AND BARKING/ATTACKING ON YOU WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT?

related: My cat-shit crazy neighbor

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/14/barking-mad/feed/ 61 So close, and yet… http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/01/so-close-and-yet/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/01/so-close-and-yet/#comments Fri, 02 Sep 2011 00:40:29 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19305 Darin in Chicago came across the note on the side of his neighbor’s garage just as he was throwing his own dog’s crap in the trash can. (This is kinda like getting out the new roll of TP, but then leaving it on the side of the sink to get wet instead of just putting it on the dispenser…except, worse.)

You pick up the dog crap, but insist on leaving it next to the garbage can. I don't understand.

I don’t really understand the logic here either, but perhaps this particular dog owner is still dealing with the scars from dealing with neighbors like this one, from Ottawa:

OLD LADY If I Catch You In The Act Of Putting Your Dogs Crap In Our Cans. I Will Cut Off Your Head And Bolt It To The Hood Of My Car

related: This is not a trash can

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/01/so-close-and-yet/feed/ 99 Who declared Opposite Day? http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/07/12/opposite-day/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/07/12/opposite-day/#comments Wed, 13 Jul 2011 01:42:49 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=18908 We’ve already seen people throwing urine in bottles out of their window…and now, shit in bags? Who does that?!

(Apparently, at least one dog owner in Bailey’s NYC apartment building.)

Someone is dropping bags of Dog Shit from their apartment into the building courtyard. To make matters worse, it does not always make it to the ground. Last nights bag was outside my window. Again. This must stop before management is involved. (Eww, gross!)

related: Throwing cat hair out the window = almost as bad

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/07/12/opposite-day/feed/ 59 Caught in the act http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/05/23/caught-in-the-act/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/05/23/caught-in-the-act/#comments Tue, 24 May 2011 01:47:23 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=18544 This bulletin board display from Louisville, Kentucky comes to us via Annie in Colorado, who adds: “I can’t help but feel sorry for the poor dogs caught popping a squat!” (Don’t worry, Annie. As you can see, I’ve taken steps to protect the identities of the canines pictured.)

Maybe it’s the classic crazypants handwriting, but I when I try to envision the creator of this display, the first image that comes to mind is one of those cop-show scenes where they bust in and find a room obsessively wallpapered with photos and maps and newspaper clippings documenting some big (or in this case, not so big) conspiracy theory.

But who knows? Maybe this guy is starting a new fetish mag and just wants to track down these dogs to pay their modeling fees or…something.

DO YOU KNOW THESE DOGS??? 8337 GT. HAS NO DOGS YET THESE DOGS ARE POOPING AROUND THIS ADDRESS. [Response:] GET A LIFE!!!

related: Dr. Freud’s Salon Scatologica

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/05/23/caught-in-the-act/feed/ 89 The Pooper Stooper http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/04/05/the-pooper-stooper/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/04/05/the-pooper-stooper/#comments Wed, 06 Apr 2011 03:21:01 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=18029 Need to borrow a cup of sugar? How about five pounds of dog poop? Well heck, that’s what neighbors are for!

Hey SIllies! I noticed you guys keep forgetting to pick up your dogs' poopies so I took it upon myself to bring by some baggies. I assumed you're all out because why else wouldn't you clean up after your dogs? Oh! I also helped out by dropping all the said poop conveniently in front of your dog, for easier clean up. You're welcome!

related: Do you want a doggy bag for those leftovers, sir?

extra credit: The perfect leash for dog haters/sociopaths

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/04/05/the-pooper-stooper/feed/ 108 A nasty twist on “Man Bites Dog” http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/01/05/a-nasty-twist-on-man-bites-dog/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/01/05/a-nasty-twist-on-man-bites-dog/#comments Wed, 05 Jan 2011 13:00:55 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=17397 Dan in Melbourne says he saw this sign while riding along a North Fitzroy bike path, which runs parallel to a park. Says Dan: “Now, I’ve owned a dog and I know how they like to roll in stinky things, but this it taking it to a new, super gross level.”

More gross than your dog rolling in/eating some other dog’s shit? Or stepping in a fresh pile of it yourself? I’m not sure I’m convinced. (Not that humans should be exempt from proper poop-scooping etiquette, of course.)

COLOSTOMY BAGS!! DO NOT DUMP IN PARK! DOGS GET INTO THEM! THE CONTENTS OF YOUR BOWELS GET INTO OUR HOUSES! -SORRY FOR YOUR AILMENT, BUT THIS IS TOO YUCK.

Personally, I’d like to imagine this as a triumphant act of payback on the part of a score-settling colon cancer survivor. (“This is for all the times I’ve stepped in your dogs’ crap. Enjoy!!”)

related: Do you want a doggy bag?

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/01/05/a-nasty-twist-on-man-bites-dog/feed/ 71 Did you want a doggy bag for those leftovers, sir? http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/11/08/did-you-want-a-doggy-bag-for-those-leftovers-sir/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/11/08/did-you-want-a-doggy-bag-for-those-leftovers-sir/#comments Tue, 09 Nov 2010 03:41:17 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=16962 Our submitter says this isn’t the first time her father has put up this display in his front yard…proving, I guess that some people will go through a lot of shit just to make a point. (Meanwhile, the neighborhood dogs and dog owners continue to go about their business.)

Thank you for leaving this for me. I really don't need it. Feel free to take it home for your own use.

related: Lost & Found

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/11/08/did-you-want-a-doggy-bag-for-those-leftovers-sir/feed/ 72 Stop! Don’t chute! http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/10/17/stop-dont-chute/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/10/17/stop-dont-chute/#comments Mon, 18 Oct 2010 02:03:30 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=16764 Two simple rules for using the garbage chute:

DO put your dog poo down the chute.

TENANTS PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT YOU PUT YOUR DOG POOH DOWN THE SHUTE. IT SMELLS IF LEFT IN. THANK YOU! MANAGEMENT

DON’T put your dog, Pooh, down the chute.

ATTENTION RESIDENTS: DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, PUT ANY ANIMAL, DEAR OR ALIVE, IN THE TRASH CHUTE. If your pet dies, and you do not know the proper way to dispose of the remains, call the office. We will see the remains are disposed of in a humane and sanitary manner.

(Thanks to Jason in Ottawa and Catherine in D.C. for submitting!)

related: Garbage chute entitlement

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/10/17/stop-dont-chute/feed/ 56 Dr. Doolittle gets tough http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/06/28/dr-doolittle-gets-tough/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/06/28/dr-doolittle-gets-tough/#comments Tue, 29 Jun 2010 01:24:44 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=15215 Jane in Boston says this note appeared on Tomio’s bedroom door, at cat’s-eye level. “Given that I’m pretty sure cats can’t read, it’s the ultimate passive-aggressive sentiment,” Jane says, “but a cat shitting on your bed is pretty passive aggressive, too. What a tangled web we weave.”

Cats- Pursuant to the shit in my bed, you are hereby forbidden from my room until further notice. -Tomio

Meanwhile, a submitter in Cornwall, England spotted this note (again, at pet’s-eye level) on the front door of a house. “It was unclear what the dog had done, how the notewriter expected the dog to read this, or how ‘Diane’ was filming the dog,” our submitter says. “There was no sign of a camera.”

Dear DOG As of tonight you are on camera! You know who you are. Love Diane. Photo No. 1 has been taken!

And yet, it’s this commandment —posted by a neighbor of Marissa in San Francisco — that tickles me the most.

Its [sic] Prohibited for dogs to poop

UPDATE: A bonus note (via Anthonio in Seattle), from…Dirt.

Attention, The flower area is NOT for CAT SHIT. From here on out, any shit found here will be randomly re-located to different places... Get ready for surprises. Love always, Dirt

related: Excuse me, sir? I think you’ve dropped something.

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/06/28/dr-doolittle-gets-tough/feed/ 70 My bite is worse than your bark http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/06/14/my-bite-is-worse-than-your-bark/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/06/14/my-bite-is-worse-than-your-bark/#comments Tue, 15 Jun 2010 00:14:49 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=14985 Although she’s embarrassed to admit it now, Kristi in Portland confesses that when she wrote this letter, at age 14, she felt oh-so-very-grown-up.

In retrospect, she says, the most ridiculous part — besides the charmingly pretentious tone throughout — is probably the self-made letterhead. “I guess I thought the frog made for a good personal logo or something,” Kristi says. ”To my credit, I didn’t send the letter anonymously…I included my full name (first, middle and last), my address, my phone number AND my e-mail address. I only left off my Social Security number!”

Dear Sir or Madam, This must come to an end! Last year, every night for almost an entire summer, your dogs would bark late into the night disturbing my peace and thus threatening my sanity as I was allowed only a few precious hours of sleep per night. For some reason, this has not occurred often recently, and for that I am grateful. However, tonight, that peace was once again broken. I am certain that I am not the only neighbor in the area who has been kept awake because of your pets.I am a fourteen year old student, trying my hardest to complete my sophomore year of high school maintaining good grades. However, to do this, I need to be paying attention in my classes. To do this, I need to be awake, and in order to stay awake, I need to be able to sleep at night. This evening, I was very glad because I finished all the things that I needed to do earlier than usual (despite my inability to concentrate on a book for English due to the incessant barking) and was ready to go to bed at 10:30 p.m. However, once I was in bed, the dogs started to get noisy again. I tried to ignore it, but after half-an hour of restlessness, I finally got up, got dressed and came over to your house and rang your door-bell. I was not surprised that you were not at home, because I assume that if you were, you would not have tolerated the animals' behavior. I do not know if you even realize that whenever you are away, your dogs bark on and off all through the night, so now I am telling you. Please take whatever actions necessary to ensure that this bad habit ends here, whether that means just locking them inside while you are away, or possibly leaving them with friends or if it comes down to it, in a kennel. I know that I would appreciate it, as well as my family and assuming the surrounding neighbors would as well. Please, do not allow your animals behavior to deprive us of the sleep that we need to function reasonably and sanely. Thank You, Kristi

Adds Kristi: “My parents still live next door to these neighbors, and I avoid them to this day! Oh, and yes, they did try to keep their dogs indoors more after I sent the letter.”

related: Your to lazy

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/06/14/my-bite-is-worse-than-your-bark/feed/ 107 Grow some thicker bark, why don’tcha? http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/06/03/grow-some-thicker-bark-why-dontcha/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/06/03/grow-some-thicker-bark-why-dontcha/#comments Fri, 04 Jun 2010 02:52:22 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=14883 “If you want respect,” barked the Daddy tree, “you gotta earn it. Show ‘some freakin’ acorns!”

“But Daaaaaaad,” whined the trembling young sapling. “I just…I just want to be beautiful!”

“What is this, a goddamn Shel Silverstein book? Quit your birching already.”

I am a dogwood, I am only lovely in the late spring. I believe it is my job to make the environment more beautiful. Why do you not like me?

(As witnessed by Kevin in Arcata, California, and (below) by Taber in Richmond, Virginia.)

I am a sad sad tree, barely hanging on to life. Please...keep your animals away from me...especially their urine.

But as Michael in Seattle observed, at least one of those sad little trees wasn’t about to let his bully of a father have the last word.

Tree to people: I'm Dead. get new tree & plant it here, OK? Thanks

related: The right to bear fruit

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/06/03/grow-some-thicker-bark-why-dontcha/feed/ 80 So…I’m guessing you don’t get many visitors in your neck of the woods. http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/05/27/so-im-guessing-you-dont-get-many-visitors-in-your-neck-of-the-woods/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/05/27/so-im-guessing-you-dont-get-many-visitors-in-your-neck-of-the-woods/#comments Fri, 28 May 2010 03:58:42 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=14778 Our anonymous submitter saw this notice up in Canada’s Yukon territory. “I always knew that dogs were a very important in the life of the Yukoners,” she says, by way of explanation…an explanation that, frustratingly, explains next to nothing about these people or their “visitors.”

To all non-pet-owners who visit and like to complain about our pets

Also, re: points #4 & 6 — my dog isn’t very good at coming when called, but he happens to love hanging out with “drug-using people.” (Lots of Cheetos crumbs and whatnot to lick off the floor.)

related: Your are welcome

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/05/27/so-im-guessing-you-dont-get-many-visitors-in-your-neck-of-the-woods/feed/ 90