Bob from San Francisco’s explanation: “Partied till 5 am, slept in and missed work, found this note under my door, had to take the walk of shame to find the hose and wash the sidewalk down.” Pooooor Bob, right?

Meanwhile, in Kentucky…

related: “Please stop urinating on the door handle” — and other totally reasonable requests.

“I saw this when passing by a neighbour’s house, and thought that this was one of their better efforts,” writes Kelly in the U.K. “I personally would have just chucked them myself.”

(Adds Kelly: “I’m guessing they belonged to the same person who decorated half the street with vomit.”)

Meanwhile, the Internet’s all “been there/done that/seen the animated GIF.”

related: If you were the one who was so drunk or so stupid that you left your camera in the park last night…

Jon’s assessment after a night of partying: “Totally worth it.”

related: Late night beer parties!

New Year’s Eve, Miami, 2010: “A man handed me this and then walked away without a word,” our submitter recalls. “I was tipsy enough to be flattered for a moment.”

related: A critique of your online dating profile

extra credit: “The Most Beautiful Girl (In the Room)” [youtube.com]

When my younger brother Danny was around 6 or 7, I remember he brought home a project he’d done in school — a little book entitled “My Family,” or something like that. I don’t recall what he said about the rest of us, but on the page about our mother, he had written: “MOM BRINGS DINNER,” complete with a stick-figure drawing of her with McDonald’s bags in both hands. We all laughed about it, but I think my mother was still pretty mortified —  and god only knows what his teacher thought.

Well, Mom, allow me to introduce you to Carmen: you two might be able to commiserate. When her son (who is, coincidentally, also named Daniel) was 6, his first grade teacher had the kids write little journal entries about their weekends every Monday. This was Daniel’s. (The teacher’s feedback is my favorite part.)

Carmen is quick to add that she was most definitely not “drunk” — in fact, on this particular occasion, she hadn’t had a single alcoholic beverage. But just try explaining that to the school guidance counselor…

related: Just in case you haven’t gotten your fix of working mom guilt…your kid’s preschool teacher is ready to step up!

So, like, “our friend got really drunk and stayed in our room, but when she got up to pee, she opened up the door to our suitemate’s room instead of the bathroom and peed on the rug,” writes our submitter in California. “It was apparently his favorite rug and since he’s spoiled, he asked her to get him a new one.”

Um, okay. “Spoiled,” or not, I’m gonna have to side with the dude here. Offering to clean/replace the rug seems like the very least Drunky McDrunkface could do, no?

related: You’re not wrong, Walter.