PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » drizzunk

Pissed off — and rightfully so

Kerry — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 03:33:11 +0000

Bob from San Francisco’s explanation: “Partied till 5 am, slept in and missed work, found this note under my door, had to take the walk of shame to find the hose and wash the sidewalk down.” Pooooor Bob, right?

Meanwhile, in Kentucky…

Cinderella be drizzunk

Kerry — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 02:37:42 +0000

“I saw this when passing by a neighbour’s house, and thought that this was one of their better efforts,” writes Kelly in the U.K. “I personally would have just chucked them myself.”

(Adds Kelly: “I’m guessing they belonged to the same person who decorated half the street with vomit.”)

Meanwhile, the Internet’s all “been there/done that/seen the animated GIF.”

Love, the Landlord

Kerry — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 02:38:59 +0000

Jon’s assessment after a night of partying: “Totally worth it.”

related: Late night beer parties!

You could be a part-time model

Kerry — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 23:07:36 +0000

New Year’s Eve, Miami, 2010: “A man handed me this and then walked away without a word,” our submitter recalls. “I was tipsy enough to be flattered for a moment.”

extra credit: “The Most Beautiful Girl (In the Room)” [youtube.com]

The Bad Moms Club (see, it’s funny ’cause it’s NOT true)

Kerry — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 03:25:51 +0000

When my younger brother Danny was around 6 or 7, I remember he brought home a project he’d done in school — a little book entitled “My Family,” or something like that. I don’t recall what he said about the rest of us, but on the page about our mother, he had written: “MOM BRINGS DINNER,” complete with a stick-figure drawing of her with McDonald’s bags in both hands. We all laughed about it, but I think my mother was still pretty mortified — and god only knows what his teacher thought.

Well, Mom, allow me to introduce you to Carmen: you two might be able to commiserate. When her son (who is, coincidentally, also named Daniel) was 6, his first grade teacher had the kids write little journal entries about their weekends every Monday. This was Daniel’s. (The teacher’s feedback is my favorite part.)

Carmen is quick to add that she was most definitely not “drunk” — in fact, on this particular occasion, she hadn’t had a single alcoholic beverage. But just try explaining that to the school guidance counselor…

That rug really tied the room together, did it not?

Kerry — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 00:49:25 +0000

So, like, “our friend got really drunk and stayed in our room, but when she got up to pee, she opened up the door to our suitemate’s room instead of the bathroom and peed on the rug,” writes our submitter in California. “It was apparently his favorite rug and since he’s spoiled, he asked her to get him a new one.”

Um, okay. “Spoiled,” or not, I’m gonna have to side with the dude here. Offering to clean/replace the rug seems like the very least Drunky McDrunkface could do, no?

related: You’re not wrong, Walter.

Haterade on the Rocks, with a twist

Kerry — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 02:16:20 +0000

After a night of heavy drinking, Dani in Baltimore woke up with a killer hangover that turned positively murderous when she noticed that her bottle of Gatorade — which she’d been saving in anticipation of her post-hangover re-hydration needs — was missing from the fridge.

Assuming her husband must have taken it, Dani quickly dashed off this exclamation-point-heavy tirade (which, of course, is “passive” only in the sense that she chose to sit down at the keyboard instead of going straight for the butcher knife).

A few hours later, however, says Dani, “I remembered that I had actually drunkenly finished the bottle of Gatorade the night before, in an attempt to avoid said hangover. Oops!”

I’m hoping this little “oops” was a come-to-Jesus moment for Dani that showed her the error of note-writing ways, but if not…well, Dani’s husband: consider yourself warned. Because seriously, this is America, not another planet!

related: You are on Uncle Paul’s list!

Roadside intervention

Kerry — Mon, 27 Dec 2010 03:04:08 +0000

So, has holiday time with your family got you reachin’ for the nearest bottle of Mad Dog yet? No? Well, then allow us here at PAN to help bring you back to the depressing world of real life.

Janet spotted this display by the side of the road in her “very small-town community” in Virginia. “I’m sure this person is known by some who will see the sign — maybe even the local sheriff,” she says. “At first I laughed, but then I thought it was just sad.”

The Good Samaritan

Kerry — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 02:29:02 +0000

Julia in Australia attended a New Year’s Eve party in an affluent neighborhood. The next morning, after she came to, she realized her digital camera was missing. when she back to search for it, she found this sign posted up all around the local park.

extra credit: i’ll say sorry, but i’m not taking off my glasses [youtube]

And I’m singing “uh oh” on a Friday night

Kerry — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 00:42:37 +0000

How’d you like to be flatmates with Dianne in London? Cos I’m thinking there just might be an opening soon…

related: clarifying motion #2

So, you’ve decided to go out

Kerry — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 00:19:13 +0000

Last year, Emily in Canterbury, England lived in a house with six other roommates — two guys downstairs, five girls upstairs. As is wont to happen in such circumstances, “we were originally all really good mates, but relationships deteriorated as the year went on,” Emily says — “the boys thought the girls were too messy!”

One source of flatmate friction, Emily says, was the habit a couple of the girls had of forgetting their keys when they went out clubbing…and then pounding on the front door at 3 a.m., raving drunk, until one of the guys let them in.

The low point came when one of the guys got woken up by an angry taxi driver rapping on his window (after one of the girls had tossed him 50p and run upstairs). Emily says this note appeared soon after.

The two-word compromise you’re looking for: zip wire

Kerry — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 06:04:29 +0000

An anonymous submitter in Ann Arbor, Michigan received this e-mail from a guy who just moved into her co-op (“basically a co-ed frat house”) for the rest of the summer. “We’ve tried to reason with him,” she says, to no avail. “When asked why he has to get up so early, he says, ‘I have important things to do in the morning,’ and that’s it.”

The even bigger mystery? Wonders our submitter: “Why, if he needs complete silence at night, did he move in with 16 other college kids on summer break?”

related: there will come soft pains

There will come soft pains

Kerry — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 02:04:05 +0000

This bit of poetry is brought to us by Alex in Vancouver, an innocent observer on the scene.

Happy New Year!

kerry — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 06:20:02 +0000

(And much love to our submitter Robin in Sydney!)