Entries Tagged as 'drugs'

They take their white carpet very seriously.

September 29th, 2014 · 4 Comments

Alice in Columbus, Ohio noticed this note taped to the door of a neighboring apartment. “I guess the tenants must have taken over a place that had formerly housed drug dealers and they were fed up with people coming by looking for drugs,” she says. “The note begins amiably enough — ‘Take shoes off at door’ — then takes quite a turn with its devastating conclusion.

Take shoes off at door. We don't sell drugs. Don't look in the window. ***You will be shot.***
related: This not a brothel!

Tags: Columbus · drugs · not-so-veiled threats · Oops?

Hotheads & potheads

September 18th, 2013 · 23 Comments

Move it along, stoners…

This is a Hibiscus plant Do not cut! This is not a marijuana plant! Cutting anymore from this irreplaceable plant will KILL it!

And while you’re at it…

This is my pot. Wash it NOW.

(Thanks to Cindy in Spokane and Anonymous in Queens submitting!)

related: Yo, hemphead!

Tags: dishes · drugs · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens

Leave kitty alone!

July 1st, 2013 · 91 Comments

Writes Susan in Delaware: “My family and I live in a very large apartment complex and recently discovered a mother cat and her five kittens living in the bushes. We called a local trap/neuter/return charity so that we could get the kittens and her mom basic vet care, shots, and neutering. We posted notes next to each trap explaining exactly what we were doing, and that all housecats with collars/tags would be immediately released.”

Over the course of a week, Susan says, no non-feral cats were caught, but for whatever reason one of the neighbors decided to steal all of the traps and replace them with this lovely note.

FORGOTTEN IDIOTS We know you have no life but LEAVE OUR CATS ALONE and find something else to do with your sorry ass life. Some of us have Cats who we let out and have all their shots and we don't need your

“The kicker of all this is that trapping feral cats actually protects the health of house cats,” Susan says. “Even if their cat did get accidentally picked up it would have gotten free vet care, since I’m the one coughing up $35 per cat for the honor of watching, baiting, and setting the traps multiple times per day.”

Adds Susan: “The ‘Yetters’ mentioned is a nearby liquor store. I assume the writer of this note spends a lot of time there.”

related: “Place cats in box”

Tags: blame it on the crackhead · cats · Delaware · neighbors · spelling and grammar police · unnecessary "quotation marks"

The potted pot plant thief

July 18th, 2012 · 26 Comments

“This was posted on the elevator door in my building,” says Konstantin in NYC. “It refers to the marijuana plant left in a pot right in front of the building for over a week. I love my neighbors…”

Psst, Whiteboy — perhaps a guard dog is in order?

To the person that took the weed plant! It was not TRASH It belong to me (Whiteboy) please Bring it back down. I will eventually find out. Just bring it down.

Meanwhile, in Seattle…

Hey! Those pots were not FREE! give them back!

related: The Orchid Thief

Tags: drugs · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · New York · stealing

Dude, it’s like, what does “open” even mean?

July 9th, 2012 · 52 Comments

An anonymous submitter discovered this lengthy explanation on the door of a head shop in Waldorf, Maryland.

We open most days about 9am or 10am. Occasionally as early as 8am, but on days like Sunday, as late as 11am.  We close about 9:30pm or 10pm, but sometimes as early as 7pm on Sundays, give or take an hour. Sometimes we close as late as 11pm or 11:30pm-like Saturdays.  Some days or afternoons we aren't hear at all, but lately we have been here just about all the time---except when we are someplace else, but we should be here too! We suggest you try the door, and if it is open, then so are we.

Not surprisingly, it appears the head shop’s owners take a fairly relaxed attitude toward keeping their store open, and instead put heavy emphasis on maintaining a flexible work-life balance.

related: Before you ask…

Tags: "customer service" · drugs · Maryland · opening/closing

Oh, sure, blame it on the crackhead.

September 6th, 2011 · 56 Comments

Take it from Whitney, kids: “Crack is whack.” (And it makes you an easy scapegoat for pretty much anything and everything.)

From Akron, Ohio:

The crackhead theives [sic] have been busy stealing our stuff, inside + out. Please report all crackhead sightings to SPD [phone number redacted]

From Toronto:

DEAR CRACKHEADS: Please don't steal the empty porn cases. They don't have much of a street value, and since crack/heroin renders you impotent anyways, we really don't see the logic in your decision making abilities. Big Kiss. 7/24 Staff

From New York City:

To the Crackhead who samshed in my windows

From Pueblo, Colorado:

Billboard

From Phoenix:

The fucking neighborhood Crack Head stole my broke down wore out mat bike what will the Dumb Ass Steal of yours next

From Seattle:

dear crackheads: please stop being crackheads. you thank

And lastly, from South London:

Squirrels on Crack

related: So if I start selling drugs I can drive an Escalade, too?

Tags: blame it on the crackhead · drugs · spelling and grammar police · stealing · that's illegal

Dear parents: this is what you WON’T be hearing from your newly minted college grads

May 22nd, 2011 · 39 Comments

(After all, once they’ve moved back home into their old bedrooms, they can just raid your liquor cabinet and sneak bills from your wallet, just like old times!)

Meanwhile, this note/social critique was spotted by James in downtown Iowa City, “amid dozens of bars and thousands of over-privileged young suburbanites.”

Dear dad, please stop sending me your money; I'll just use it to buy booze.

If, however, your entrepreneurial kiddos do decide to strike out their own, you might want to keep tabs on the Sudafed in the medicine cabinet. (Especially if “on their own” means “the room above the garage.”)

I don't have a meth lab (Never ever) LEAVE ME ALONE

related: Your daughter is a substance abuser and a PLAYER!

Tags: art · beer · college life · drugs · graffiti · Iowa · Moms & Dads · money

At least in prison they get to play basketball in the courtyard

October 13th, 2010 · 57 Comments

Unsurprisingly, Emily in D.C. says it took less than 24 hours for one her neighbors to call bullshit on the building management’s “exciting news.”

Exciting News!! The Courtyard is Now Open!!

Meanwhile, this building in Columbus, Ohio — which submitter Andrew says is “really nice and fancy-looking” — appears to take the mullet approach to policing its public spaces. (Business in the front, party in the back!)

Do not shit in doorway. Smoke your crack in rear lot. Thank you

Adds Andrew: “I 100% believe that this note is legit. I work exactly one block away from where the sign was posted, and a few days ago, I went outside only to find my self interrupting someone who was pissing on our dumpster. We have caught people in the act of shitting in our parking lot, and have also received many “anonymous fecal gifts.”

related: It’s fall! Here are a few updates and several complaints.

Tags: blame it on the crackhead · Columbus · D.C. · drugs · landlords and property managers · shit · WTF?

In case you were wondering why we’re closed

May 10th, 2010 · 75 Comments

…the proprietors of this Toronto bar will leave you pondering some different questions instead.

TONITE: SUNDAY 25th BANGBANG BAR IS CLOSED DUE TO FEMALE TEMPERMENT [sic] ISSUES

Meanwhile, as Will observed, a Shell station in Austin apparently abides by a similar “honesty is the best” policy.

Due To Tonyas drug habbit [sic] store will be Closed

…as does a shopping center in Tyler, Texas, where Erin spotted this explanation (on a 100-degree July day).

Temporarily closed Due to Shopping Center Mgmt. Refusal To Repair 32 Year Old A/C Unit.

Similar venting was on display at a store in Ironton, Ohio. (“For the record, I cannot validate whether or not the ‘oner’ was an in fact an asshole,” says submitter Meagan.)

CLOSED FOREVER DUE TO ASSHOLE ONER [sic]

And smetimes, of course, brutal honesty isn’t enough.

Sorry, we are CLOSED due to short staff. (Hire taller staff cause I need a taco!)

So really, why bother with an explanation at all?

Not Sorry

Fuck off we're closed

related: Closed for good! Remember that the cheese loved you more than you loved it.

Tags: "customer service" · bar · don't blame us · drugs · most popular notes of 2010 · Norway · Ohio · raging against the machine · restaurant · retail hell · spelling and grammar police · Texas · Toronto

What does “fashion forward” mean to you?

April 29th, 2010 · 95 Comments

When you work in the fashion business — like our submitter, a sales associate at a trendy boutique — being “fashion forward” often translates to just “forward.”

What does Fashion Forward mean to you? I challenge you to ask yourself......Is the outfit your wearing acceptable for hanging out or grocery shopping? If your answer to this is YES this means YOUR UNDERDRESSED! Please remember that this is our business, we are in the fashion business! We are not afraid to be forward in fashion. WE are fashion forward.

Or (like Lisa‘s coworker), straight-up bitchy.

Please — never wear that outfit in my presence or I will explode.

Sometimes (as Rhonda in Boston noticed) working in fashion is somewhat akin to being, say, a life coach.

Please do not have a fit in the fitting room. Your fashion life begins here.

Or, just as likely…a drug counselor.

Hello, We know you are doing coke in the bathroom. Please stop, Jesus loves you. Shamon

related: Yo, sweaty beasts!

Tags: "customer service" · attire · drugs · retail hell · your/you're