Your corporate overlords would like to offer this friendly reminder of how much we value our employees!
![Hi Everyone, Effective immediately, [redacted] no longer works for [redacted]. On a more positive note, [redacted] (a new Qualifier) starts on Monday! Just wanted to keep everyone in the loop. I hope your [sic] having a great day!! TGIF... :) Thank you](http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6061/6036644270_6050267570.jpg "Hi Everyone, Effective immediately, [redacted] no longer works for [redacted]. On a more positive note, [redacted] (a new Qualifier) starts on Monday! Just wanted to keep everyone in the loop. I hope your [sic] having a great day!! TGIF... :) Thank you")
related: Recession incentive plan
Entries Tagged as 'e-mail'
In case you’d forgotten that you are but a tiny, eminently replaceable cog in this vast machine…
August 18th, 2011 · 77 Comments
Tags: all-staff e-mail · California · fired · now that's management · smiley · your/you're
A citation from the fat police
August 14th, 2011 · 175 Comments
Writes an office worker in Alabama: “A co-worker attends a weekly cooking class in town, and this week they made a Cinnamon Roll Casserole. The co-worker decided to bring it in to work and share it with the office.” The nerve of some people!
![Hey J, Brining [sic] in food items that are very heavy in calories is only fueling people’s addiction to sugar. It is the same as fueling people other desire in pursuits that you might consider as sin such as alcohol or drugs. People addicted to drugs and alcohol have problems controlling themselves around these items. The same goes for high calorie foods. The consequence for quick satisfaction as you know are being fat and unhealthy. Unless you wish others to be fat and unhealthy, please bring only healthy food. Thanks, Jeff](http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6086/6035733145_f3f5d49433.jpg "Hey J, Brining [sic] in food items that are very heavy in calories is only fueling people’s addiction to sugar. It is the same as fueling people other desire in pursuits that you might consider as sin such as alcohol or drugs. People addicted to drugs and alcohol have problems controlling themselves around these items. The same goes for high calorie foods. The consequence for quick satisfaction as you know are being fat and unhealthy. Unless you wish others to be fat and unhealthy, please bring only healthy food. Thanks, Jeff")
related: Loose lips shrink hips
Tags: "helpful" advice · Alabama · e-mail · food · hey fatty · office · office cop
Dear coworkers: I’m sending this e-mail while sitting on the john! Just thought you’d want to know.
May 3rd, 2011 · 73 Comments
Writes our disgusted submitter: “All that time on the toilet to think, and this is what you came up with?”
______________
Tags: all-staff e-mail · D.C. · illness · office · shit · that shit is disgusting · TMI
So this is your NON-vulgar side? Shut the front door!
March 21st, 2011 · 50 Comments
![Hi Jason (and other intermittent door slammers): DO NOT SLAM THE BACK F*****G DOOR. The back room is a thoroughfare but it is also my office (and [redacted]). Sudden loud noises scare the shit out of me and also give me the f*****g shits like you wouldn't believe. Don't do it again or you will get to see a side of me that is extremely vulgar. I've been putting up with it intermittently for the past 2 years and am over it. If you have a problem with my request come and see me so I can give you a piece of my mind.](http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5056/5545324669_6bbc352646.jpg "Hi Jason (and other intermittent door slammers): DO NOT SLAM THE BACK F*****G DOOR. The back room is a thoroughfare but it is also my office (and [redacted]). Sudden loud noises scare the shit out of me and also give me the f*****g shits like you wouldn't believe. Don't do it again or you will get to see a side of me that is extremely vulgar. I've been putting up with it intermittently for the past 2 years and am over it. If you have a problem with my request come and see me so I can give you a piece of my mind.")
Tags: all-staff e-mail · Australia · door-slamming · message to all intended for one · office · pointlessly self-censored profanity · shit · TMI · warning
Instructional instructions
February 9th, 2011 · 67 Comments
Our submitter in Malaysia called this auto-reply from her coworker “a great way to ensure consistent passive-aggressiveness in the workplace, even when you’re busy holidaying.” (As always, just click the image to enlarge.)
It reminded me of these “instructional instructions” from the manual that James in the U.K. received with his DVD player.
related: Gee, that’ll show ‘em
Tags: e-mail · office · questionable logic
Did somebody say “snail mail”?
December 1st, 2010 · 107 Comments
Before her husband left on his first military deployment, Sarah in San Diego sent out an e-mail to the whole family with info about how everyone can stay in touch while he’s away. To avoid any potential in-law drama, she even had her husband read and sign off on the e-mail before sending. What neither Sarah nor her husband took into account? The Uncle Paul factor.
Her husband’s Uncle Paul, Sarah explains, is a mailman/postman/letter carrier — whatever the correct term is. (Based on Uncle Paul’s reply, she says, “I’m clearly not up enough on the intricate etiquette of the U.S. Postal Service to know.”)
Tags: e-mail · exclamation-point happy!!!! · family · going postal · holiday spirit · Oops?
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