our anonymous submitter from chicago says she and her four siblings recently received this somewhat cryptic e-mail from dear old dad. explains a: “the initials refer to our names (and spouses’ names, where applicable). dad lives in west bloomfield. i’m pretty sure it means he wants us to visit?”

related: love, dad

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as we’ve noted here before, the white-collar nuisance known as the nibbler has been pathetically picking his (half)way through office kitchenettes across the land for some time now.
while the nibbler’s actions are usually met with disdain, one oh-so-compassionate office-worker from omaha decided to take a different approach — an e-mail intervention, of sorts. i’d also be [...]

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a helpful reminder: when talking shit about your coworker (like “e”) via e-mail, you (unlike “c”) probably want to be extra sure you don’t confuse “fwd” with “reply all.” just a thought!

related: why facebook is so gonna get you fired

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ashley in richmond, virginia says this e-mail was sent to every single employee at her office. then,  “after thirty minutes, the sender attempted to recall it six times.” (that’s how you know she was SO SERIOUS.)

related: the classic all-staff e-mail

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office lunch thieves: always despicable, and in this case — gullible, too.
the “helpful” (yet oh-so-devious) all-staff e-mail sent by the victim:

and — i shit you not — the response:

related: lean cuisine

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this good-humored e-mail was send out to the entire staff of an elementary school…IN HELL!
(click the image below to enlarge)

related: what would jesus do for a klondike bar?

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this (long-overdue) all-staff e-mail is like a fetus-sized version of one of my favorite self-righteous masterpieces. (how this one got buried in my inbox for so long, i have no idea.)
it comes to us courtesy of jennifer in chapel hill, n.c., who notes: “in this instance, ‘local users,’ is everyone in our corporate hq — [...]

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d in sunderland, mass. received a piece of her previous manager’s mail several months after he was fired. “i felt it was only right to contact him about a membership directory for an organization with which he was heavily involved,” she says. “i was genuinely shocked to receive his reply, especially considering how careful he [...]

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writes our anonymous submitter: “i’m the oldest of four girls, none of whom are living at home. in fact, we’re all currently living in different states. my mom resents the fact that we don’t want to spend the rest of our lives living under her roof. on mother’s day she screened my call, then mass-texted [...]

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a busy working mom in austin, texas got this little love note on her blackberry from her sixteen-year-old son. (michael is his friend, by the way,  not the craft store.)

in the end, our submitter adds, he didn’t take the bus after all. total bluff!
related: friends don’t lie 2 friends

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our submitter, glenn, says this all-staff e-mail “just kinda sucked the life out of us” around his office. “it was like a mom saying ‘guess what, kids?” in a really excited voice, and then saying ‘you’re going to the dentist!!!‘”

but the best part of this note — besides the pitch-perfect forced jollity — is the [...]

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passed along by the unfortunate hacker in question from littleton, colorado…

related: stay home!!!

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shirley in canada says one of her coworkers sent this e-mail to the entire building — several hundred people in all — after what we can only assume was an unsuccessful half-day cooling-off period. (or perhaps just several hours spent choosing the most whimsically enraged font/color combination.)

meanwhile, this all-staff e-mail was sent to over 400 [...]

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our anonymous submitter in brooklyn received this e-mail from his 28-year-old male roommate after purchasing a similar (not identical) blue toggle pea coat. “we are rarely out of the apartment together,” our submitter notes. hmm, wonder why?

related: gossip boy

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though the issue might not be top of mind for sophisticated and urbane readership of this website, let this serve as your warning: should you find yourself in, say, fayetteville, arkansas (like melissa, a california transplant currently attending the u of a) you’ll soon realize how important it is to lay down the law with [...]

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“this guy at my boyfriend’s office sent out an invite  — using the company email — for a ‘we’re single, let’s mingle party,’” says our anonymous submitter in brookline, mass. apparently, this wasn’t the first time.

even funnier than the subject line, our submitter adds, was the party dress code: business casual. “you just can’t more [...]

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group projects.
#5, however, is what really seals the deal.

(click to enlarge!)
related: please ladies please

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meg’s uncanny curatorial ability to uncover the silver lining in any situation was woefully under-appreciated at her last job, but even her former coworkers had to admit that this farewell e-mail was an impressive excavation of meg’s latent passive-aggressive tendencies.

related: this shit is bananas

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writes harry in new york: “my roomie sent me this e-mail two weeks after telling me i need to move out.  i guess it’s a case of retroactive passive-aggression on my part.”

in his own defense, harry adds, “the ‘light’ is a nightlight and the ‘AC’ is a window fan.”
related: some creative brainstorming and flexible thinking

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our anonymous submitter in takoma park, maryland says her roommate/landlord is constantly leaving little post-its and e-mails for the other roommates, but i think these two have a bit of yum-o synchronicity.

related: the first thing i did when i woke up

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