as we’ve noted here before, the white-collar nuisance known as the nibbler has been pathetically picking his (half)way through office kitchenettes across the land for some time now.
while the nibbler’s actions are usually met with disdain, one oh-so-compassionate office-worker from omaha decided to take a different approach — an e-mail intervention, of sorts. i’d also be [...]

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ashley in richmond, virginia says this e-mail was sent to every single employee at her office. then,  “after thirty minutes, the sender attempted to recall it six times.” (that’s how you know she was SO SERIOUS.)

related: the classic all-staff e-mail

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office lunch thieves: always despicable, and in this case — gullible, too.
the “helpful” (yet oh-so-devious) all-staff e-mail sent by the victim:

and — i shit you not — the response:

related: lean cuisine

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this good-humored e-mail was send out to the entire staff of an elementary school…IN HELL!
(click the image below to enlarge)

related: what would jesus do for a klondike bar?

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this (long-overdue) all-staff e-mail is like a fetus-sized version of one of my favorite self-righteous masterpieces. (how this one got buried in my inbox for so long, i have no idea.)
it comes to us courtesy of jennifer in chapel hill, n.c., who notes: “in this instance, ‘local users,’ is everyone in our corporate hq — [...]

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our submitter, glenn, says this all-staff e-mail “just kinda sucked the life out of us” around his office. “it was like a mom saying ‘guess what, kids?” in a really excited voice, and then saying ‘you’re going to the dentist!!!‘”

but the best part of this note — besides the pitch-perfect forced jollity — is the [...]

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shirley in canada says one of her coworkers sent this e-mail to the entire building — several hundred people in all — after what we can only assume was an unsuccessful half-day cooling-off period. (or perhaps just several hours spent choosing the most whimsically enraged font/color combination.)

meanwhile, this all-staff e-mail was sent to over 400 [...]

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though the issue might not be top of mind for sophisticated and urbane readership of this website, let this serve as your warning: should you find yourself in, say, fayetteville, arkansas (like melissa, a california transplant currently attending the u of a) you’ll soon realize how important it is to lay down the law with [...]

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meg’s uncanny curatorial ability to uncover the silver lining in any situation was woefully under-appreciated at her last job, but even her former coworkers had to admit that this farewell e-mail was an impressive excavation of meg’s latent passive-aggressive tendencies.

related: this shit is bananas

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in terms of the appropriate sympathetic nervous system response, an e-mail subject line like “big favor” is kinda the modern cubicle-dweller’s equivalent of “saber-tooth tiger outside cave!”

(note: this e-mail, our seattle-area submitter says, is from the very same person who brought us this.)
related: perhaps it’s time for a little group therapy?

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