As we’ve noted here before, the white-collar nuisance known as the nibbler has been pathetically picking his (half)way through office kitchenettes across the land for some time now.

While the nibbler’s actions are usually met with disdain, one oh-so-compassionate office-worker from Omaha decided to take a different approach — an e-mail intervention, of sorts. I’d also be interested to see his advice for Mike in Cleveland, who seems to have similar delusions about the health impact of eating 9 donuts instead of 10.

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The kicker? As it turns out, according to our anonymous submitter,”the bandit was, in fact, a guy!”

related: Just take the whole slice next time, okay?

With morale at many companies coasting towards all-time lows, those peppy human resources specialists keep coming up with new budget-conscious ways to keep us worker bees happily humming along. To wit: “Popcorn Thursday.” Sounds like a total blast, right?

Meanwhile, an anonymous post-it writer in Denver speaks up for how employees really feel about these “morale boosters.”

related: A sign (or ten) that your HR department might have too much time on their hands

A helpful reminder: When talking shit about your coworker (like “E”) via e-mail, you (unlike “C”) probably want to be extra sure you don’t confuse “FWD” with “reply all.” Just a thought!

related: why facebook is so gonna get you fired

Ashley in Richmond, Virginia says this e-mail was sent to every single employee at her office. Then, “after thirty minutes, the sender attempted to recall it six times.” (That’s how you know she was SO SERIOUS.)

related: the classic all-staff e-mail

Office lunch thieves: always despicable, and in this case — gullible, too.

The “helpful” (yet oh-so-devious) all-staff e-mail sent by the victim:

And — I shit you not — the response:

related: lean cuisine

This good-humored e-mail was send out to the entire staff of an elementary school…IN HELL!

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related: What would Jesus do for a Klondike bar?

This (long-overdue) all-staff e-mail is like a fetus-sized version of one of my favorite self-righteous masterpieces. (How this one got buried in my inbox for so long, I have no idea.)

It comes to us courtesy of Jennifer in Chapel Hill, N.C., who notes: “In this instance, ‘local users,’ is everyone in our corporate HQ — including the president, vice presidents, directors, legal counsel, etc., who don’t typically utilize the refrigerator in the staff break room.”

related: it must have been a pretty big bite

extra credit: stfu, parents

D in Sunderland, Mass. received a piece of her previous manager’s mail several months after he was fired.

“I felt it was only right to contact him about a membership directory for an organization with which he was heavily involved,” she says. “I was genuinely shocked to receive his reply, especially considering how careful he was to never put anything in print that could possibly damage his reputation as ‘an internationally published poet.’”

Hi [redacted], Your NEIBA Membership directory arrived at the store today. (I got your email from the listing.) Would you like to come pick it up, or should I recycle it. John says you are working on a play. I hope it comes out well. Please let me know if it is performed in the area – I would like to see it. Have a great day!

Please recycle the directory. A copy of the directory was mailed to me at my home address. Also, please do not contact me again. You are certainly not my friend, my colleague, or even an old acquaintance. Thank you for refraining from making any further contact with me.

related: awkward cake