Says “anony-scrooge”:

My office is ridiculous about cards and donations. The smallest of occasions warrants cards, money, balloons, flowers, a singing telegram, etc. Last Christmas was no exception. By mid-December, we had been asked for no less than $150 each in contributions for this and that.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was the sudden appearance of a Christmas ‘adopt a family’ program, and the family selected was one of our employees who had very recently fell asleep at the wheel and crashed his car. It was all very tragic (sarcasm), but many people drew the line at putting more money in the hat to replace his giant mystery machine van. So almost nobody gave. Well, somebody was pissed…

“The Healthy Companies Committee,” explains Katherine in D.C., is the name of the office pep squad led by the sender of the e-mail. (“Ironically,” she adds, “he does not seem to be able to deal with his frustration in a ‘healthy’ way.”)

The hilarity of this note is more subtle than say, a “Thank you Terry,” but don’t be fooled: it’s not your garden-variety “do your dishes” note, either. (Pay particular attention to paragraphs one and four.) It’s like something straight out of a script from The Office.

Don’t you wish you could read the earlier drafts?

Writes Kristi in Chicago: “This was sent from our receptionist to the ENTIRE office (except, for some reason, me, until a coworker forwarded it so I wouldn’t miss out on the fun. It’s the receptionist’s job to order supplies and put away deliveries, but apparently she doesn’t like to do any heavy lifting. The last line really sent the office into a tizzy!”

(click to enlarge)

It’s the second-to-last line that sends me into a bit of a tizzy…

Jenn in San Francisco received this little from a then-roommate who she lived with for a year but barely ever saw or spoke to. Says Jenn, “She was rarely seen outside the confines of her own room and seemed to prefer communicating electronically and then, only when absolutely necessary. So you can imagine, she probably stewed on the issue for a very long time. ” (Click the image to enlarge.)

Adds Jenn: Guess how this flexible-thinking roommate paid her bills? “By conducting CULTURAL SENSITIVITY TRAINING COURSES TO CORPORATE EMPLOYEES.”

I’m just gonna let Ben from D.C. set this one up:

Last October, I moved from one apartment to another on fairly short notice. The kid I found on Craigslist to take my spot really wanted to move in a few days early, which was incredibly inconvenient for me. However, I agreed, so I spent most of Halloween weekend moving my stuff out. The one thing I couldn’t move was my futon, because it wouldn’t fit on top of my car. I figured he’d give me a little leeway though, since I’d done him a favor, and I came back to pick it up November 10. A week later I came home to find this amazing passive-aggressive e-mail from him:

“Apparently our growing satellite office has some food thieves,” says an anonymous submitter in Ontario.

An anonymous Brooklyn mom sends in this choice — dare we say priceless — example of Park Slope’s well-documented mama drama.

related: No money, no trophy