PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » elevator

The very delicate elevator

Kerry — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 23:39:00 +0000

Apparently the “this will damage elevator” meme is the most exciting thing to happen around this Cincinnati cubicle farm in a long time.

(According to our submitter, the photos below represent only a fraction of the variations that have popped up all over the office.)

related: Death by a Thousand Puns

Really, Garry, you had me at “plese.”

Kerry — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 04:56:11 +0000

I asked our submitter if she might be able to snap another photo of this memo/notice — one without the ghostly reflection of the man in the wifebeater — but alas, she says, it has since been taken down and replaced with a new memo offering a $500 reward for information leading to the culprit still vandalizing the elevator.

And yet, now that I’ve spent a little time with this image (in all of its beautiful absurdity), I’ve come to feel that it just wouldn’t feel quite complete without wifebeater man. Because this, my friends, is a work of art.

related: Thx Sandra

Why climb when you can RIDE?

eerac — Tue, 17 May 2011 10:28:54 +0000

As it happens, our entire technical staff (a.k.a Eric) recently completed a Ph.D in computer science and took a job at the newly formed Max Planck Institute for Intelligent Systems in picturesque Tübingen, Germany. (That’s right kids, if you work hard, and get your doctorate in computer science, you too may one day be qualified enough to host a found-content blog!)

Upon arriving at MPI’s Tübingen campus, Eric immediately felt at home. Specifically, he spotted some encouraging signage right next to the second floor elevator in one of MPI’s buildings.

Besides being a powerful testament to Southern Germany’s deep love of hiking, this health conscious posting also highlights the institute’s international reach. As you can see, the note itself is actually a photograph of a sign that was originally posted at (by?) Korea University*.

Of course walking down a single flight of stairs is hardly an inconvenience, particularly since the stairs in question are literally across from the elevator and lead directly to the building’s main entrance. The folks on the third floor, however, have a different perspective on the situation. Posted next to the third floor elevator is this rather charming reply.

Finally, from across the Atlantic, students at the University of Virginia have brought to light an additional concern surrounding the classic elevator vs. stairs debate. The following note, spotted by Trisha, was placed by the stairs of her UVA apartment building…along with an entire box of fat-free vanilla pudding.

Needless to say, the pudding was gone by the end of the day.

* Perhaps you, dear reader, can keep this transcontinental chain alive. Please consider printing out your own copy of the above photo and posting it at your place of business and/or learning.

Claustrophobic? You might want to avoid these elevators.

Kerry — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 23:51:43 +0000

Moira and some friends recently rented a flat in Rome for a few days — lucky her, right? The only hitch to the plan was the fact their apartment was located on the very top floor, and while Rome might be the “The Eternal City,” spending eternity in a European-style elevator car wasn’t exactly the experience they were seeking.

Meanwhile, if you thought you weren’t afraid of elevators, a visit to the Hampton Inn in Burbank, California might change your mind. This placard inside the elevator (as documented by Kristen from Ohio), has got to be the least-reassuring attempt at preventing alarm I’ve ever seen. The fact that it manages to accomplish the exact opposite of its implied purpose makes me think the person behind it must be some kind of sadistic savant…and that he’s DEFINITELY watching you on the CCTV.

Not the anxious type? Well, how do you feel about dog shit and zombies? So far Kareen in Winnipeg has escaped this particular elevator unharmed, but that doesn’t mean she’s not watching where she steps.

related: Elevator nose grease

extra credit: “The Subway’s Elevator Operators, a Reassuring Amenity of Another Era” [nytimes.com]

extra extra credit: Time lapse video of a man stuck in an elevator for 41 hours [newyorker.com]

Fanning the first-floor flamers

Kerry — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 01:19:10 +0000

Hannah spotted this warning (and the accompanying Fire-Marshal takedown) posted at the University of Alaska art building in Juneau. On the ground floor.

“It’s the ground floor; only an idiot would use the stairs to escape a fire. There’s a door over there -> - if it’s on fire – <-There’s a door over there.”

“WHERE’S YOUR IMAGINATION?”

“DUH, HE SOLD IT TO PAY FOR COLLEGE.”

“What are you talking about? I’m imagining students cramming into the stairwell per this sign’s advice, just to get upstairs and see an identical sign directing them back down into the flames.”

Adding to the sign’s absurdity, Hannah says, is the fact that “the building is only two stories, and built at the base of an embankment. The upper floor can be accessed by the street on the upper level, and the lower level can be accessed either by stairs from the upper level or by at least four exit doors on the lower level.”

related: Snark-itti

Need another reason to ditch the elevator for the stairs? Two words: nose grease.

Kerry — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 22:12:43 +0000

Our submitter, April, fills us in on a little background: The CMB building on the UT-Austin campus is home to Austin’s local PBS station, KLRU, and NPR affiliate, KUT, as well as classrooms for the University’s Radio-TV-Film department.

Apparently, one of the jokers frequenting this building is fond of pressing his or her nose on the surface of the stainless steel elevator doors — or at least that’s the conclusion drawn by the exasperated author of the following screed.

Where’s the button for Floor 3.14?

Kerry — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 22:00:00 +0000

Remember: the laws of physics are not to be trifled with. Got that, Pigs Boson?

(Thanks to Luciel in the Bronx and Gina in Wisconsin for their submissions!)

related: Cross-country elevator action

Sounds like somebody needs a vacation.

Kerry — Sat, 01 May 2010 01:31:18 +0000

Luckily, Liz in Houston convinced her work buddy not to forward this not-at-all-passive Jerry Springer-esque rant to the entire company e-mail list, as originally intended. (Otherwise, work buddy’s much-needed vacation might have turned out to be a permanent one.)

extra credit: How not to land an internship [gawker.com]

Those that have the most to gain

Kerry — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 05:03:57 +0000

Shawna in Toronto spotted this note during a visit to her grandparents’ condo in Miami. The only remaining evidence of “despicable vandalism,” she says, was a bit of scratched paint. Making “those that have the most to gain”…the painting contractors?

Repestect yourself

Kerry — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 04:06:11 +0000

Presenting the winner of the creative spelling (and spacing) of the year award, spotted by Rob in the recently-painted elevator of his Brooklyn apartment building. It has a lovely lyric quality to it, no?

related: Your are welcome to our home

Do your stairs think you’re fat?

Kerry — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 06:36:16 +0000

Rachel in Victoria, B.C. found this somewhat puzzling bit of anthropomorphism (stairs have feelings? really?) posted in the elevator of her building. “My favourite part is ‘your bum will love it,’” Rachel says. “No better way to guilt trip people into ‘saving energy’ than by insinuating that they’re fat!”

related: Hey, fatty

There are only 10 types of people in the world…those who remember to bathe regularly, and those who don’t.

Kerry — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 16:34:44 +0000

“Neumont is a strictly computer-science college located on the second and third floors of an office building,” writes Jared in South Jordan, Utah. It’s therefore a point of pride for Neumonters that out of several hundred CS students, “there are [only] a few who seem to forget to shower for a few weeks at a time.”

related: WoW, indeed

Everyone: shut it.

Kerry — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:44:53 +0000

“The screen door to our block of flats is broken,” says our anonymous submitter in Australia, “which has provoked some rather unique responses from my fellow residents.”

related: But who’s counting?

Where’s Anytime Stan when you need him?

Kerry — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 18:50:52 +0000

Sarah in Somerville, Mass. wasn’t fazed when she left her apartment one Saturday to find this otherwise “run-of-the-mill your-mother-doesn’t-live-here note”…until she rounded the corner and was greeted by photocopies of the same note taped to every available surface in the hallway.

then, the next day, another note appeared near the elevator…

…which had apparently been written on the back of yet another (more targeted) note:

“In fairness,” Sarah says, “this whole thing really is gross, and now the lobby and the hallway — in addition to the elevator — smell of vomit. I’m just not sure why the first notewriter thought that spending $10 on copies was going to help.”

And lastly, Sarah adds: “My mommy didn’t clean up my dorm, either.”

related: Going up?