PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » The Earth http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people Wed, 08 Feb 2012 19:51:33 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Your punishment for forgetting your reusable grocery bags http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/18/excuse-me-im-recycled/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/18/excuse-me-im-recycled/#comments Thu, 19 Jan 2012 03:29:23 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=20859 Writes Kiki in Melbourne: “Have you ever seen a sack act so bitchy and sanctimonious all at once? I can’t believe a plastic bag’s attitude actually started to piss me off!”

Well, Kiki, it could be worse.

related: …and F the Polar Bear!
extra credit: I (don’t) use plastic bags.

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/18/excuse-me-im-recycled/feed/ 46 …and F the Polar Bear! http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/12/29/f-the-polar-bear/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/12/29/f-the-polar-bear/#comments Thu, 29 Dec 2011 23:48:39 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=20035 Jess in St. Louis says this dumpster “is definitely a manifestation of the microcosm of American value clashes that is my block.” Adds Jess: “Hopefully we can all survive the cardboard waste of Christmas in one piece.”

Whoever threw away all that cardboard. Do it again and I'll fill your yard with it. Don't be an Asshole. Recycle. [Response] QUIT Being a Nanny-State, Progressive, Liberal, ASS and try to FORCE me to recycle if I don't want to. FU & F the Polar Bear! And if I catch you in my yard, realize, I support the 2nd Ammendmant [sic]. this was written by someone who choses to recycle.

Whoever threw away all that cardboard. Do it again and I'll fill your yard with it. Don't be an Asshole. Recycle.

QUIT Being a Nanny-State, Progressive, Liberal, ASS and try to FORCE me to recycle if I don't want to. FU & F the Polar Bear! And if I catch you in my yard, realize, I support the 2nd Ammendmant [sic]. this was written by someone who choses to recycle.

related: The right to bear fruit

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/12/29/f-the-polar-bear/feed/ 56 Sure, she’s dumb as a box of hair, but… http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/12/04/hair-recycling/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/12/04/hair-recycling/#comments Mon, 05 Dec 2011 02:10:06 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19969 Apparently Meaghan’s roommates weren’t happy with how she disposed of her bang trimmings in the recycling bin. But c’mon, at least she didn’t leave em in the sink or the shower drain, right? Or…maybe she was confused about how the whole “locks of love” thing works? Or…aww, screw it. Can’t you bitches all just get along?

Hey bitch (Meaghan)! Hair is not recyclable! (I hope your new haircut looks really stupid!) -N & B

related: Dear mother of hair baby…

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/12/04/hair-recycling/feed/ 49 Perhaps your boss is due for a little chat with HR? http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/28/please-kill-yourself-now/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/28/please-kill-yourself-now/#comments Wed, 28 Sep 2011 20:44:36 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19466 The sign to the left was posted by the boss at an office in Oneonta, New York. (Adds our submitter: “He claims the spelling was autocorrected by Word.”)

Without even getting into the finer points of what might constitute a “hostile work environment,” I think it’s safe to say that encouraging your employees to commit suicide isn’t the best management technique.

IF YOU ARE NOT INTELLEGENT [sic] ENOUGH TO RINSE OUT THE EMPTIES, PLEASE KILL YOURSELF NOW. [response:] What about not being able to spell

(Of course, some managers might disagree.)

You don't call retarded people retards. You call your friends retards when they're acting retarded.

related: Signs you might be stuck in a soul-sucking job

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/28/please-kill-yourself-now/feed/ 31 So close, and yet… http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/01/so-close-and-yet/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/01/so-close-and-yet/#comments Fri, 02 Sep 2011 00:40:29 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19305 Darin in Chicago came across the note on the side of his neighbor’s garage just as he was throwing his own dog’s crap in the trash can. (This is kinda like getting out the new roll of TP, but then leaving it on the side of the sink to get wet instead of just putting it on the dispenser…except, worse.)

You pick up the dog crap, but insist on leaving it next to the garbage can. I don't understand.

I don’t really understand the logic here either, but perhaps this particular dog owner is still dealing with the scars from dealing with neighbors like this one, from Ottawa:

OLD LADY If I Catch You In The Act Of Putting Your Dogs Crap In Our Cans. I Will Cut Off Your Head And Bolt It To The Hood Of My Car

related: This is not a trash can

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/01/so-close-and-yet/feed/ 99 Please clear your unused microwave time: now with more questionable statistics! http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/05/09/conserve-unused-microwave-time/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/05/09/conserve-unused-microwave-time/#comments Tue, 10 May 2011 03:04:45 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=18265 Note: the following message has explicitly NOT been approved by Jack Donaghy. (Do not be fooled by that GE logo at the bottom of the page.)

Remarkably enough, our submitter, Dan in Milwaukee, says the following message was NOT penned by a satirical television writer, but rather by an anonymous member of the office Green Police. (The two pennies — payment for 2011′s extra energy usage — were then added later by an anonymous member of the office Bullshit Police.)

Did you know? The "Remaining Time" display on a microwave can use up to 30% more energy than the clock does? The clock only updates once a minute, flashing the time is much more frequent. So be green. Clear your time when you're done cooking. Every little bit helps.

This is, of course, simply a new strategy in the ongoing war being waged in kitchenettes across the world by the United League of Office Workers Who Have Nothing Better to Complain About.

Please clear any unused time off the microwave when you are finished. Some of us have OCD and leftover time drives us crazy. -Thanks!

related: Some of have OCD and unused microwave time drives us crazy

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/05/09/conserve-unused-microwave-time/feed/ 84 The Stupidbomber Manifesto http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/03/28/the-stupidbomber-manifesto/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/03/28/the-stupidbomber-manifesto/#comments Tue, 29 Mar 2011 02:25:24 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=17953 After Adam’s car got broken into while parked in his own driveway, he decided to install a motion-activated security light. Several months later, he received this note in the mail — stamped and all — from one of his (kinda totally creepy) Connecticut neighbors. Adam, perhaps it’s time to take the home security system up a notch?

Lights on all night is stupid stupid stupid. 100/00 --> stupid stupid s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-stupid.

related: Stupid is as stuiped does

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/03/28/the-stupidbomber-manifesto/feed/ 75 He likes it with the lights on. http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/11/05/he-likes-it-with-the-lights-on/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/11/05/he-likes-it-with-the-lights-on/#comments Fri, 05 Nov 2010 21:37:30 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=16952 For your typographical titillation: a Friday quickie from Liz in Portland…

When exciting [sic] the bathroom please leave the light on.

related: You turned me on and left me.

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/11/05/he-likes-it-with-the-lights-on/feed/ 36 Three never-ending office arguments http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/09/27/three-never-ending-office-arguments/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/09/27/three-never-ending-office-arguments/#comments Mon, 27 Sep 2010 22:44:58 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=16594 I’d nominate all three of these for inclusion in the encyclopedia entry for “petty office debates.”

Exhibit a) From  San Francisco:

Your mother does not work here. This is disgusting for others who use this restroom. {Response:] YOU SURE NAG LIKE MY MOTHER

Exhibit b) From Jeron in Dallas:

To conserve energy, please turn off the dupe deck when you are done. Tks [RESPONSE:] food for thought: it may in fact consume more energy to continually turn it off + on.

Exhibit c) From Monterey, California:

Covering your food keeps microwave clean. Thnx! [RESPONSE:] Please state the obvious here...

related: Completely valid rebuttals

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/09/27/three-never-ending-office-arguments/feed/ 61 Don’t you want to LIVE? http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/09/13/dont-you-want-to-live/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/09/13/dont-you-want-to-live/#comments Tue, 14 Sep 2010 02:04:44 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=16501 These two notes — both from Oregon — give me the urge to grab a gigantic fistful of napkins…and then noisily blow my nose with them. I mean, really. Wouldn’t a simple “Al Gore Knows” have sufficed?

Do you NEED that STACK of napkins? Did you know napkins come from TREES. TREES make oxygen. OXYGEN gives you LIFE! Don't you want to LIVE? I do, that's for sure! Think about it!! PLEASE conserve!!! Thank you! (No shit!!!)

NAPKINS are for current customers of this store only! They Are Not Kleenex

(Thanks to Anonymous in Wilsonville and Brad in Albany for submitting!)

related: Your light switch has blue balls.

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/09/13/dont-you-want-to-live/feed/ 70 The cycle of (not) recycling http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/08/29/the-cycle-of-not-recycling/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/08/29/the-cycle-of-not-recycling/#comments Sun, 29 Aug 2010 23:47:53 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=16404 These notes — the first from on office in California, the second from an office in Arkansas — both seem like they’re following the same not-quite-finished flowchart for acceptable office paper usage.

Before you take a sticky... Could this be done in Notepad?? (or Text Edit) If not, recycle when you're done!

A FULL PAGE FOR THIS?? HEAR OF

Really, you’re in for a scolding no matter what. And as our submitter Hannah noticed — in this bizarre exchange from the copy room at a school in Spartanburg, South Carolina — contrition only seems to further incense the office Paper Nazis.

I am sorry for wasting this paper. It's people like you that should be struck from the earth!!!

related: Nothing fosters community like shared networked printers!

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/08/29/the-cycle-of-not-recycling/feed/ 49 What do God, recycling, and ultramarathons have in common? http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/08/09/what-do-god-recycling-and-ultramarathons-have-in-common/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/08/09/what-do-god-recycling-and-ultramarathons-have-in-common/#comments Tue, 10 Aug 2010 04:44:05 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=16301 Uh, you got me. The employees at the Arizona Blockbuster store where the manager posted this sign were similarly stumped. Writes our submitter: “I’m all for recycling, but I have to wonder who’s forcing her to run a 100k marathon…not to mention what that has to do with recycling paper.”

Nothing with personal information on it! Everything else! I have to run 100k marathon, you bitches can recycle. It's God's Way. :)

related: Al Gore knows

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/08/09/what-do-god-recycling-and-ultramarathons-have-in-common/feed/ 62 Thinking outside the box http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/07/07/thinking-outside-the-box/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/07/07/thinking-outside-the-box/#comments Thu, 08 Jul 2010 03:20:37 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=15832 “I have lived in my crappy building for over two years,” says our submitter from New York’s East Village. “It provides great entertainment, as we get a new set of notes built up on the wall every few months about issues such as people stealing Internet or the building smelling like cat pee. Then someone tears them down and we start over. (Though the building does usually smell of cat pee.)”

In the latest installment of note wars, the opening strike was launched by (she thinks) the building super.

Please do not put cardboard Boxes in Front of Building by Garbage. Leave in Hallway Lobby + Super will dispose properly.

Then some other anonymous apartment dweller threw in his or hew own (slightly flashier) take on the matter.

PLEASE REMOVE THIS CARD BOARD RECYCLING IS OUTSIDE. THIS NOT A DOOR-MAN BLDG.

And lastly…

These signs contradict one another. If we can't put the boxes outside and we can't put them in the hallway, where, may I ask, are we to put them? Thank you.

UPDATE: The box weighs in.

And as for that whole “New Yorkers are jerks” stereotype? This cardboard breakdown — spotted by Dianna in Santa Barbara, California — shows that when it comes to condescending rants, East Coasters don’t have a monopoly on rudeness.

For the person who placed this discard in the trash area! Everyone or rather most people sharing this facility are aware at the ELEMENTARY level (as per the sign on the gate) that YOU break the cardboard down and place it in the recycle container. CONCLUSION: People like you will have a visceral reaction as usual and neglect your personal responsibility. You are predictable. Trash personnel and recycle pick up people are not your lackys [sic] nor are your neighbors.

related: Stick this down your garbage chute

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/07/07/thinking-outside-the-box/feed/ 86 A not-so-friendly handshake http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/05/02/a-not-so-friendly-handshake/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/05/02/a-not-so-friendly-handshake/#comments Mon, 03 May 2010 03:30:48 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=14311 So, apparently this is a thing.

At a service station in the U.K., as Kerrie from London noticed, personal safety is the justification.

PLEASE DO NOT SHAKE WET HANDS ONTO FLOOR AS THIS MAY CAUSE SOMEONE TO SLIP AND FALL & INJURIES MAY OCCUR DUE TO CARELESSNESS!

At a University in Florida, it’s cleanliness.

ATTENTION Please dry your hands with a paper towel instead of shaking your hands and water falling on the floor. It keeps the bathroom floor a lot cleaner. Thank you, Staff Yeah, nevermind the environment. —Student It's okay I don't need trees. —Student

Meanwhile, in Canada…

Out of Stock Use Your Pants

related: Nobody likes electric hand dryers (except for ZOMG the Dyson Airblade!!!)

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