PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » etiquette

Hover & Flow(chart)

Kerry — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 06:58:34 +0000

Writes Erica in New York: “I don’t think this woman is aware that the aggressive automatic flush makes water splash all over the toilet seats…but she’s obviously very angry.”

related: Coffee pot flowchart

Couplets for the Commode

Kerry — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 12:00:55 +0000

You might think that the writer of nearly a dozen couplets on toilet etiquette would include at least one variation on the sprinkle/tinkle theme, but apparently the poet at work in this Nassau County government building doesn’t go for in that sort of cliché.

But wouldn’t you know it? As Nicole from New York City reports, “The toilet seat in question was covered in ‘sprinkle‘ and absolutely disgusting.”

related: Toilet Paper Poetry Slam

How NOT to earn great restaurant tips

Kerry — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 13:00:16 +0000

Writes Amber in Minnesota: “My friend works in accounting for a local restaurant chain, and every once in awhile she has to go through credit card receipts if something isn’t adding up correctly. She’s found some pretty interesting gems, but this one takes the cake.”

[Adds the Not-Pregnant Notewriter: THANKS FOR THE 'TAKES THE CAKE' COMMENT, AMBER. REALLY.]

Shushing the shusher

Kerry — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 14:46:02 +0000

Anna in Minneapolis (“librarian in peach sweater”) recently received this anonymous note from a disgruntled library patron. “Apparently, I was talking too loudly to one of our elderly customers on the phone,” she says. “So much for Minnesota nice!”

extra credit: Just know that I have a whole bag of shhh! with your name on it [youtube]

How does a 135° angle sound like a couch?

Kerry — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 03:58:05 +0000

If I worked at Steve‘s office, I would definitely be rallying the troops to launch a (non) silent 90° protest of round-the-clock water-glass-filling…and then place “out of order” signs on all the restrooms. (It would be lame, but not as lame as this sign.)

This is not a thing, people! I refuse to acknowledge this is a thing!

related: Is this a thing now?

It’s like an entire episode of Seinfeld on one door

Kerry — Sun, 15 May 2011 22:00:05 +0000

From the NON-public restroom inside a deli in Bishop, California:

Hey, look! A coffee pot!

Kerry — Fri, 13 May 2011 12:05:31 +0000

This isn’t the first “coffee-maker etiquette” flowchart I’ve seen, but it is the most aesthetically pleasing.

Says Sarah in St. Louis: “The IT department in our office is notorious for drinking the last of the coffee without making more.” (Note the subtle “I heart C++” mug.) Apparently, one of her co-workers thought breaking things down into engineer-speak might help.

Meanwhile, in Toledo, Ohio…a variation tailored to a slightly different audience:

related: Passive-aggressive flowcharts

Mean Mr. Mustard

Kerry — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 17:54:25 +0000

Abbey Road Studios is a must-see on almost any Beatles aficionado’s tour of London. Once there, a curious sort of tourist delirium seems to take hold. People feel absolutely compelled to recreate the iconic album cover, in the same way that visitors to Pisa just have to get a shot of of themselves holding up the leaning tower.

The only hitch? That famous zebra crossing actually goes across a fully functioning road — one with cars and buses holding people who, one would assume, have better things to do than watch you fiddle with your zoom lens.

Rachel in London was therefore more a little amused to see this note from a fellow local amongst the assorted “I <3 Paul” and “I am the Walrus”-type scrawls that cover the walls near the crossing. ”I love the drawing, as it’s so true,” Rachel says. “It’s just a crossing people!!! It’s not like the Beatles are coming back to see you do this!”

Interestingly, while the Beatles themselves aren’t likely to be watching, thanks to the existence of the (strangely hypnotic) 24-hour Abbey Road webcam, you can actually watch this idiocy as it happens — over and over and over again.

related: Meanwhile, on Portabello Road

extra credit: Photoclichés.com

Dear Grandma: Thanks for saving me the trouble of sending you a thank-you note by writing one yourself.

Kerry — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 01:16:09 +0000

Explains Megan: “My grandmother is extremely particular about her grandchildren when it comes to writing letters, especially handwritten thank-you notes. (My cousins and I often spend family events comparing the consequences we’ve endured for taking too long to mail the proper correspondence.)”

Megan recently moved, so she didn’t get around to sending Grandma a heartfelt thank you for her Valentine’s gift as quickly as usual. Instead, she got beaten to the punch. Within a week and a half of Valentine’s Day, this postcard (from guess who?) showed up in Megan’s mailbox.

And you’re not invited to my birthday party, either.

Kerry — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 00:23:01 +0000

So, Dana was hanging out at a friend’s place with a bunch of people, and — as many people do these days — was texting back and forth with her significant other in the midst of the conversation. Our submitter didn’t give any indication that this was a formal dinner party or anything like that, but apparently the host was so enraged by Dana’s breach of etiquette that he or she left the room to type, print, and sign this note, and then — due to the lack of an available notary public — handed it directly to Dana.

related: We’re ALL busy, man.

Women: Have your pole dancing classes empowered you too much?

Kerry — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 18:13:05 +0000

I really hope to have the opportunity to work the coinage “pole vulture” into conversation this week.

Apparently, they’re a serious problem at Jessica’s pole dancing studio of choice in Sydney, Australia.

related: Yo, sweaty beasts!

I have a problem with your window manners

Kerry — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 23:09:06 +0000

At the time he received this note in his letterbox, Mike was living in Copenhagen, Denmark, where the apartments buildings tend to be rather close together. “My neighbor’s window is about 15 feet away from mine, across an alley,” Mike explains. “I can see her; she can see me.”

Though the wording of this note is considerably more polite compared to similar requests from other parts of the world, it still raised several questions in Mike’s mind. First of all, he says, “I have no idea how she knows I’m American. It’s not like I’m sitting in front of my computer, draped in an American flag.”

But more importantly, he wonders, “What’s the etiquette here? I thought this was just one of the quirks of urban living. You hear other people’s music, smell their cooking, and glimpse them through the window every once in awhile. I don’t really see why I should be the one to close my blinds and sit in the dark all day, since they’re the ones that have a problem with it.”

Well, what say you, peanut gallery?

Mike’s transcription: Hello US Citizen! It’s your neighbor speaking… I have a problem with your “window manners” — It’s quite problematic having you sitting in facel(?)-front many hours a day without making it cover or anything. I feel overlooked [Danglish for 'watched'] and compromised. XXX, Mel.

related: Be more private with yourself!

Facebook: enabling your Mom to embarrass you in new and increasingly far-reaching ways!

Kerry — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 02:34:58 +0000

Writes Natalie in Pennsylvania: “My mother (who is unfortunately on Facebook) noticed that some of my extended family had wished my twin sister happy birthday but not me.”

Although Natalie herself couldn’t care less, her mother — “a master of both e-mail networking and Jewish guilt”— took it upon herself to write this e-mail and send it out everyone in the entire family. “And I mean EVERYONE,” Natalie says — “my cousins in Mexico got it!” [Face palm]

(If you can’t decipher the hideous font, mouse over the image for a translation.)

(What would Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield do? Find out in Sweet Valley High #144: Relative Intentions!)

Counter attack

Kerry — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 20:38:57 +0000

“Personally, I think all places should post this sign,” says Molly in Los Angeles.

These days, it appears a lot of cash register-operators agree with Molly (and the fancy shop in Studio City where she buys her cheese).

To wit: exhibit a, from Betsey in Sumter, S.C.

Exhibit b) spotted by Otto at a sandwich shop in Frisco, Colorado

And so on and so forth.

But I’d like to draw your attention to this piece, spotted by Jenna at a Pathmark pharmacy in Bayshore, New York, as a true masterpiece of the genre. With just a few carefully crafted words, it transforms this common sentiment into the ultimate in shame-inducing passive-aggression.