Failed strategies in bicycle theft deterrence:
1. Assuming the thief who stole your bike is schooled in Italian neorealism; appealing to said thief’s desire to be one of the cool kids.
2. Feigning empathy for said thief.
![Dear bike thief, I am very sorry that circumstances in your life led you to need to steal my bike. I hope that taking it had helped you to get your life back on track. Good luck. Love, a friend [response] Thanks, chap! Don't worry - doing fine, the bike is terrific, hello from me mates. Later, bicycle thief](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3366/3505619619_3e21959d51.jpg "Dear bike thief, I am very sorry that circumstances in your life led you to need to steal my bike. I hope that taking it had helped you to get your life back on track. Good luck. Love, a friend [response] Thanks, chap! Don't worry - doing fine, the bike is terrific, hello from me mates. Later, bicycle thief")
3. Chiding said thief for his stupidity via a barely legible run-on sentence without double-checking “you’re” grammar first.
![STUPID BIKE THIEF YOUR [sic] RUBBISH NOW NOW ONE CAN USE THE BIKE SHAME ON YOU TRYING TO STEAL](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2286/2262130254_abd811689e.jpg "STUPID BIKE THIEF YOUR [sic] RUBBISH NOW NOW ONE CAN USE THE BIKE SHAME ON YOU TRYING TO STEAL")
(Grazie mille to Nadia in Melbourne, Chris in Amsterdam, and Tom in London for submitting!)
related: No, Daddy, I asked for a Wii!
