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Entries Tagged as 'U.K.'

Twiney Sod, the demon gardener of Fleet Street

July 10th, 2015 · 29 Comments

As Sondheim said, there’s no place like London  (“filled with people who are filled with shit”) — and, not coincidentally, the home of this sign.

WARNING! A phantom twine cutter about. Yikes! An individual whom we can only describe as terribly sneaky, strange and quite possibly bored – has unfortunately decided to cut a bit of old green twine which was carefully holding up some droopy planting in our front garden :( alone the boundary fence. Surely something so simple and unoffensive (fence .. geddit ?!) shouldn't cause such a petty yet somewhat aggressive act to occur ?! You might yet even call it 'VANDALISM' ?? Yes. That's right! So, please keep a look out for the twiney snipper and keep loving your plants. STAY SAFE THIS PERSON MAY USE SCISSORS.

related: The orchid thief

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · London · TL;DR · warning

Don’t let the fat cat fool you

April 10th, 2015 · 35 Comments

Spotted by Tom in Newcastle, UK. I had to look closely at the markings to make sure it wasn’t the same fat cat Sam spotted in London a few years back.

Don't let the fat cat fool you

related: It takes a village to (not) feed a cat!

Tags: cats · hey fatty · U.K.

The gorilla in the window

December 10th, 2014 · 44 Comments

A reader in Canberra, Australia passed along this article about an English granny up in arms about her right to display a knitted toy gorilla in her window.

To whom it may concern Are you the person that made a complaint to the police about the knitted toy gorilla in our window Well why did you not knock on our door and tell us face to face what your concerns were about this toy. These toys usually bring a smile to most people's faces especially kiddies. I am so looking forwards to seeing your face but it's not going to happen IS IT?
Says the article:

Anne Feast, 70, knitted ‘Cilla the Gorilla’ last year and the toy has been hanging in the window at her home in Bell Holt, Ely, alongside numerous other characters she has created, ever since.

But mother and grandmother-of-two Anne, who has lived in her home with her husband, Philip, 71, for around 14 years, was asked by police to remove the gorilla after it was reported by a passer-by.

The couple don’t know exactly why Cilla caused offence, but they suspect it is either because someone thought it was racist or the way that the ape hangs down.

Yes…the way the ape hangs downOh, and here’s a transcription of that note:

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN Are you the person that made a complaint to the police about the knitted toy gorilla in our window Well why did you not knock on our door and tell us face to face what your concerns were about this toy. These toys usually bring a smile to most people’s faces especially kiddies. I am so looking forwards to seeing your face but it’s not going to happen IS IT?????

Adds our submitter: “I love the fact that on top of the note she makes sure the message reaches its target by calling the local newspaper for coverage.”

related: A day in the life of a crank

extra credit: The meme that wasn’t!

Tags: a matter of taste · newspaper · old folks · the po-po · U.K.

High Street high jinks

November 9th, 2014 · 33 Comments

Writes our submitter from London: “I can only imagine the local politics that brought about this pre-Christmas gem of a note in the historic town if Lewes, England.” Any Lewes locals out there who could shed some light on this light-box snub?

We were not asked to join in the high street archive display (despite being the most photographed building!) so instead of a light box we have a cardboard box! enjoy!!

related: Fish fingers and custard then, yeah?

Tags: retail hell · U.K.

Polite notice, terrible font

June 12th, 2014 · 128 Comments

Rebecca in London spotted this notice in her boyfriend’s block of flats. “While it’s true you do notice washing machines running, they’re not that loud,” she says. “On the night of the note being ‘edited’, there was defiant laundry running at 11:30pm.”

Polite notice (TERRIBLE FONT) Let's be considerate neighbors

related: Lord of the Laundry Room

Tags: "polite notice" · laundry · London · neighbors · noise · rebuttals

Kiss my carbon footprint!

May 25th, 2014 · 48 Comments

Writes our submitter in Cambridge, UK: “There’s a master’s student living in our shared student house — the kind who lives off hemp protein and lentils. Anyway, the house has an hallway running through the middle, with his room on one side and a landing on the other. This note appeared on the landing the other day. I think it has the perfect combination of smiley faces, violent threats, love and climate change.”

YO DIPSHITS! Turn the light off!!!* 1) It shines straight into my room, and wakes me up. 2) It releases CO2. You're killing us all with climate change for no fucking reason!!! Love and Big kisses! xxx ––– :)  *Notes are normally passive aggressive. This one is aggressive-aggressive. Do this again, and I shall cut you :)

related: Pure, unadulterated corporate greed! 

Tags: Cambridge · energy usage · not-so-veiled threats · signed with love · smiley · The Earth · U.K.

No, not the stink eye!

April 3rd, 2014 · 25 Comments

Writes our submitter in Leeds: “I enjoy the fact that a second piece of paper had to be added to express the full rage of this (presumably wet-footed) person.”

To the guy who pissed in the lift on Sunday Morning, You are DISGUSTING! I hope you woke up with a massive hangover and are now hanging your head in shame that the lovely people of A block were unknowingly walking your urine around, and undoubtedly into their flats! I may not have fully seen your face, but your navy shift and hair cut should hopefully allow me to recognize you, and give you a look of shame at your disgusting behavior! Use a toilet next time, it's not hard.

related: Lift or Loo?

Tags: drizzunk · elevator · piss · public shaming · that's disgusting · U.K.

Fever pitch

January 6th, 2014 · 57 Comments

Rob and Karen in the U.K. both passed along this note, recently covered in the Manchester Evening News, that was found posted on seats at the Stockport County FC’s home stadium. (Is this what hooliganism looks like in the lower divisions nowadays?)

To: The two guys in black leather jackets who have recently started sitting in these seats. Sorry. There's no way to put this without hurting your feelings, but one or both of you stinks and it is ruining the experience of those around you. Many of us are season ticket holders and it is very unfair that we have to spend the best part of two hours every game with a foul smell like this around us. Please either have a good wash and change your clothes or go and sit elsewhere. Thanks. And yes, it is that bad.

related: Are you ready for some football?!

Tags: Manchester · odor

Also, kindly refrain from rinsing your laundry in the hot tub

December 9th, 2013 · 69 Comments

Writes Natalie in Cardiff: “I noticed this a little while ago in the changing rooms of my local leisure centre. I thought it fit in nicely with the public/private restroom notes these last couple of days. Perhaps people in South Wales are a little mixed-up too!”

Customer Notice: Female Dryside Changing Area - Customers are reminded that the practice of hair dying [sic] and shaving within the changing area is strictly prohibited. Please use in accordance with its intended purpose. Thank you in anticipation of your cooperation

related: Hair-raising indignation

extra credit: Weird Wales [bbc.co.uk]

Tags: gym · hygiene · Wales

Fish fingers and custard, then, yeah?

November 13th, 2013 · 36 Comments

Our submitter, Gavin, saw this note displayed prominently on the wall in the lounge/bar area of a 104-year-old fishermen’s club in Sussex, England.

“I found it quite touching that they’d selected tomato-coloured ink to write the note in no-nonsense Times New Roman ALL CAPS,” Gavin says. And while he hasn’t a clue as to the identity of the culprit or the circumstances involved, “I doubt that this person is popular with the club committee.”

COULD THE PERSON WHO KEEPS THROWING TOMATO JUICE ALL OVER THE FLOOR HERE PLEASE STOP WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE

related: Trust me, I’m the Doctor.

Tags: I know who you are · so this is a thing? · U.K.