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Entries Tagged as 'London'

Twiney Sod, the demon gardener of Fleet Street

July 10th, 2015 · 29 Comments

As Sondheim said, there’s no place like London  (“filled with people who are filled with shit”) — and, not coincidentally, the home of this sign.

WARNING! A phantom twine cutter about. Yikes! An individual whom we can only describe as terribly sneaky, strange and quite possibly bored – has unfortunately decided to cut a bit of old green twine which was carefully holding up some droopy planting in our front garden :( alone the boundary fence. Surely something so simple and unoffensive (fence .. geddit ?!) shouldn't cause such a petty yet somewhat aggressive act to occur ?! You might yet even call it 'VANDALISM' ?? Yes. That's right! So, please keep a look out for the twiney snipper and keep loving your plants. STAY SAFE THIS PERSON MAY USE SCISSORS.

related: The orchid thief

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · London · TL;DR · warning

Polite notice, terrible font

June 12th, 2014 · 128 Comments

Rebecca in London spotted this notice in her boyfriend’s block of flats. “While it’s true you do notice washing machines running, they’re not that loud,” she says. “On the night of the note being ‘edited’, there was defiant laundry running at 11:30pm.”

Polite notice (TERRIBLE FONT) Let's be considerate neighbors

related: Lord of the Laundry Room

Tags: "polite notice" · laundry · London · neighbors · noise · rebuttals

Well, this sucks.

August 25th, 2013 · 24 Comments

Danny works for a small print company in London. “Our lovely cleaner only comes in once a week, so it falls upon the rest of us to keep the office neat and tidy.” Danny says that, judging from this creation — made up hundreds of punched paper holes — “I’ve got a feeling that someone feels that they are doing more than their fair share.”

HOOVER

related: Could somebody less important than me take care of this?

Tags: cleaning · London · office

The Clean Section

June 12th, 2013 · 42 Comments

The attack:

DIRTY PLATES They were on the clean section. Please wash the dishes properly. Is annoying the need to check every time you want to use something. Cheers. A.

And the riposte:

Aggressive Notes More Annoying Than Dirty Plates Let's Be Friends

related: Have your people call my people

Tags: dishes · London · meta · rebuttals · roommates

For heaven’s sake, Steve

May 20th, 2013 · 27 Comments

Spotted by Leonora in the window of a London office:

STOP SPITTING ON THE WINDOWS STEVE

related: Do not kiss on someone else’s kiss — and absolutely NO LICKING

Tags: London · spitting

Pissed off (but ever-so-polite)

January 13th, 2013 · 48 Comments

In the U.K. —more so than anywhere else — self-proclaimed “polite notices” are quite often anything but. Take, for example, these two notices, both from London.

POLITE NOTICE To whom it may concern: Stop pissing all over the lavatory like a f*cking animal. What is wrong with your p*nis? Is it a corkscrew? Does it flick around like hosepipe? Here's an idea — trying pointing it even vaguely towards the water. You might enjoy the tinkly sound. Give it a shot. Go on. You f*cking animal.

POLITE NOTICE Your dog? Your shit! If I catch you, I will make YOU EAT IT!!!

related: A polite notice from New Zealand

Tags: "polite notice" · dogs · London · most popular notes of 2013 · piss · shit · toilet · U.K.

If at first you don’t succeed…

November 19th, 2012 · 21 Comments

Imagine this: You’re about to pen a note to post in the office men’s room, but you’re torn — should you go for the patronizing approach, or opt for some sarcastic reverse psychology?

At Colin’s office in London, the note-writer apparently decided: ¿Por qué no los dos? 

Please do not leave waste paper on the floor. This is usually managed by manually picking up any paper you may accidentally drop, and then transferring it to a recognised place of refuse. Thank you for your cooperation.  Please leave as much paper as you wish on the floor, after all, who cares?

(As always, click the image above to enlarge.)

related: The never-ending (and completely unnecessary) battle between basic hygiene and basic courtesy

Tags: a little patronizing · bathroom · blitzkrieg approach · London · office · toilet paper

Ironic moustache alert!

November 15th, 2012 · 46 Comments

Writes our submitter, Iris: “East London’s Brick Lane is the city’s hipster epicenter. A nearby pub had clearly had enough of being flooded by ironic facial hair and cardigans.”

WARNING! All Hipsters MUST be accompanied by a responsible Adult! Love, BrewDog x

related: Unattended children will be shot.

extra credit: It’s Movember! 

Tags: bar · London · most popular notes of 2012 · warning

Everything but the actual kitchen sink

October 22nd, 2012 · 23 Comments

Writes Jocelyn in London: “Since moving into halls for the first year of university, our hygiene skills have gone downhill, to say the least. Finally, one of our roommates cracked and cleaned up the rotting mess…or so we thought.” Instead, he just found a new “dumping ground.”

I needed to wash a mug so I made room in the sink. Please stop using the sink & tops as a dumping ground! Sincerly [sic] Cameron xx

related: May the sanctity of the sink prevail!

Tags: college life · dishes · London · roommates

60% of the time it works every time

May 5th, 2012 · 30 Comments

Pat in London works for a large office, where, unfortunately for the many java addicts on staff, the coffeemaker has a habit of breaking down. Also, Pat says, “It’s an advertising agency, so there are lots of grammar pedants.” The result?

OUT OF ORDER - engineer called -  I SAID OUT OF ORDER - WHICH MEANS NO YOU CANNOT HAVE A COFFEE - Well...you can try if you feel lucky... - There is another coffee machine on the fifth floor - But no toilets... - Except for the two that are there... - LOUD NOISES - 60% of the time it works every time - Stop wasting VALUABLe office stationary - <--stationery --- WRITE RESPONSIBLY -- Nothing in this place works! -- I prefer tea anyway :(

related: Just be glad you don’t know what’s in the coffee

Tags: coffee · London · note wars · office · smartass · spelling and grammar police