Entries Tagged as 'London'

A review of last night’s performance

February 17th, 2010 · 194 Comments

Aleister in London found this critique slipped under his door after an impromptu Thursday night sing-along.  “I am a big fan of my neighbours’ critical opinion,” Alastair says. “I won’t offer much defense other than that our music selection was exceptional and I was on my way to work when I found it.”

Well done, Flat 3. Dry wit, a soft touch, and lovely handwriting? This is one note that definitely deserves a place of honor on the fridge.

Dear Flat 1, We are sorry to bother you but we couldn't help hearing what a fantastic time you had last night/this morning.

If you absolutely must write a note, I’d say this is how to do it.

related: It was an ironic dance party, okay?

Tags: actually totally reasonable · London · neighbors · noise

Do these stilettos match my broomstick?

December 9th, 2009 · 262 Comments

Sarah in London found this note — and the cheeky response — posted in the lobby of her former apartment building.

“Entry to the flats is by way of a concrete outside walkway,” she explains. “Unfortunately, if someone has noisy heels, the sound tends to reverberate throughout the building.”

When you come home in the early hours of the morning (2:45 am) can you please NOT make so much noise going down the main balcony with your stilettos and then slamming your street door. The problem with living in a block of flats is that you have neighbours that should be considered.  [response] Dear Complainer, We sincerely apologise for not being able to hover across the balcony in our very noisy stilettos. We will in future attempt to be home at 2:44 and if late fly across the main landing or teleport into our flat. Lovingly, Bramber residents

Of course, the above complainer isn’t the only person who has a problem with stilettos…a.k.a. “fucking shoes”?

STOP PLEASE NO Fucking Shoes or Heels In My House! Or Leave! I don't care who you are!! Have some respect for My House Damnit! What!!! Say Some thing!! Thank you!!! :)

related: The two-word compromise you’re looking for: zip wire

Tags: door-slamming · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · irregular capitalization · London · neighbors · noise · rainbow-colored · shoes · signed with love · smartass · that's disrespectful

Please resubmit your inquiry after it has been properly notarized. Regards, your flatmates

October 12th, 2009 · 127 Comments

S in London says his flatmate was obviously exceedingly upset about his missing can opener. Of course, this being England, the old “stiff upper lip” sometimes still prevails…sort of.

I am not sure what has happened to my expensive tin opener?

related: memorandum to the roommates

Tags: a little uptight · London · roommates

Just a rat in a cage

September 10th, 2009 · 174 Comments

Writes Leslie in London: “My co-worker, Janine was having some serious keyboard RAGE and posted this request to our office’s online help desk, which every single person in the company can see…including Daniel.”

Can we get Daniel a quieter keyboard please? I've not said anything to anyone, but it's doing my head in.

This post is dedicated to my cube-mate Leah, who recently received a surprise “gift” — a quiet-touch keyboard — from our boss, which succeeded in making her feel even more self-conscious about her “loud typing.”

Sadly, she observed, the IT department has no solution for the cringe-inducing sound our fellow coworker who insists on clipping her nails at her desk.

related: Suck on this!

Tags: London · noise · office

Ladri di biciclette

May 11th, 2009 · 194 Comments

Failed strategies in bicycle theft deterrence:

1. Assuming the thief who stole your bike is schooled in Italian neorealism; appealing to said thief’s desire to be one of the cool kids.

This is not post-war Italy. Stealing bikes is not cool.

2. Feigning empathy for said thief.

Dear bike thief, I am very sorry that circumstances in your life led you to need to steal my bike. I hope that taking it had helped you to get your life back on track. Good luck. Love, a friend [response] Thanks, chap! Don't worry - doing fine, the bike is terrific, hello from me mates. Later, bicycle thief

3. Chiding said thief for his stupidity via a barely legible run-on sentence without double-checking “you’re” grammar first.

STUPID BIKE THIEF YOUR [sic] RUBBISH NOW NOW ONE CAN USE THE BIKE SHAME ON YOU TRYING TO STEAL

(Grazie mille to Nadia in Melbourne, Chris in Amsterdam, and Tom in London for submitting!)

related: No, Daddy, I asked for a Wii!

Tags: Amsterdam · Australia · bicycle · London · Melbourne · public shaming · stealing · your/you're

Untitled (broken glass)

February 6th, 2009 · 99 Comments

When you live with six art students (like Kate in London),  you might find that life imitates art more often than you’d like.

-THIS IS ART- A NARRATIVE PIECE CALLED: FUCK YOU I'M FED UP. CLEAN YOUR SHIT UP.

related: Oxford drama

Tags: art · CAPS LOCK · cleaning · college life · London · most popular notes of 2009 · roommates

And I’m singing “uh oh” on a Friday night

November 30th, 2008 · 77 Comments

How’d you like to be flatmates with Dianne in London? Cos I’m thinking there just might be an opening soon…

Whomever has been using my mouthwash should know that when I'm drink i sometimes spit back into the bottle. HA!

related: clarifying motion #2

Tags: bathroom · drizzunk · hygiene · London · roommates · spitting · U.K.

Buskers & broomsticks

September 18th, 2008 · 206 Comments

Zora Zero spotted this ongoing street-musician spat in Portobello Road Market, London.

BUSKERS Please note: WE LIVE HERE. We can't hear TV/radios or open windows when you play. Buskers who play here have had + and will have water thrown on them and the police called. Please be kind enough to play elsewhere. Thank you

I’m not a Londoner, but living near Portobello Road and complaining about the buskers seems like living near Times Square and complaining about the lights, no?  I was cheered, therefore, to see the responses added by other more busker-friendly neighbo(u)rs at the bottom of the original note.

Buskers, we live here as well and we miss you!!

Admits our submitter (who described herself as “team foreigner, with busker sympathies”): “the paint on the railing was indeed being damaged by the original anti-busking clear-plastic-envelope-taping resident.”

related: I used to be your biggest fan

Tags: CAPS LOCK · cry me a freaking river · London · music · neighbors · noise · p.s. · saga · U.K.

Just be glad you don’t know what’s in the coffee

September 10th, 2008 · 168 Comments

Our submitter in London snapped a photo of this note in the kitchen of the PR agency where she works. Exactly what you’d expect to find at office full of “communication professionals,” no?

To the person(s) causing kitchen unrest by putting the Peppermint tea bags with the Green Tea bags. Not funny.

related: Switch to tea

Tags: kitchen · London · office · tea · U.K.

Help yourself

March 24th, 2008 · 43 Comments

Spotted by doppelfrog at London’s Paddington station…

help yourself

related: Water, water everywhere

Tags: "customer service" · London · rhetorical question · warning · water · whiteboard