Entries Tagged as 'U.K.'

Humbleshagbrag

August 4th, 2013 · 68 Comments

Writes James in Newcastle, England: “This weekend my girlfriend, who lives 180 miles away, came to visit me. As you would expect, we got up to the horizontal shuffle. In the morning this note was passed under my door. I am thinking of having it framed.”

I'm sorry your sexual adventures are so un-frequent that you have to let the whole house know about it.

related: Your sexy schoolgirl girlfriend is frightening the kittens

Tags: roommates · sex sex sex · U.K.

Actually, we have a garden for that

July 22nd, 2013 · 54 Comments

Rachel in the U.K. found this note pushed through the letterbox this morning. “This the first note either I or my boyfriend have had regarding any kind of ‘leek,’” she says. “I just checked both the bathroom and the kitchen for anything watery where it shouldn’t be and there’s nothing, so I’m very confused. I’m not sure what she wants us to sort, either. Exciting stuff!”

This is the second time Ive had to wright to you. and I'm slowly getting annoyed. You seem to have a leek in your bathroom that is slowly ruining my newly decorated bathroom. I now have bubbles and cracks in my ceiling which will now need repainting! If you don't get it sorted I will and the bill will be fixed to your address! No. 26

related: Drippy faucets

Tags: bathroom · neighbors · spelling and grammar police · U.K.

People should no

July 21st, 2013 · 37 Comments

Rob lives in a seaside town in the U.K. He and several other neighbo(u)rs recently received versions of this handwritten note, seemingly written by an ex-employee of a hot dog stall at a nearby fairground.

Writes Rob: “It’s not quite clear who the notewriter is or exactly what the problem is. Is it the hot dogs? It is the van? Is it the terrible grammar? It is the writer responsible for the ‘handling’ of the ‘disgusting’ food? Who is the mysterious friend who was ill for 3 weeks? What is it that people should ‘no’?”

Mrs Shearan and her daughter own a hot hot dog & burger van at the fair ground, I worked.  For them, and found the handling of the food was disgusting they have been warned, if you visit them this easter they are not what they seem next to the hot dog & burger van they have a childrens amusement their name is on the van,  (people should no [sic] about them iff [sic] they have children, my friend was ill for 3 weeks)

related: Small-town swimming pool rules

Tags: food · spelling and grammar police · that's disgusting · U.K.

It’s Friday, Friday…

June 21st, 2013 · 22 Comments

…time to pay rent on Friday. (Hint, hint.)

Girl A: Need to party tonight Girl B: u also need 2 pay rent 4 d last few months

related: A message for our former housemate

Tags: Facebook · money · roommates · U.K.

The Clean Section

June 12th, 2013 · 42 Comments

The attack:

DIRTY PLATES They were on the clean section. Please wash the dishes properly. Is annoying the need to check every time you want to use something. Cheers. A.

And the riposte:

Aggressive Notes More Annoying Than Dirty Plates Let's Be Friends

related: Have your people call my people

Tags: dishes · London · meta · rebuttals · roommates

For heaven’s sake, Steve

May 20th, 2013 · 27 Comments

Spotted by Leonora in the window of a London office:

STOP SPITTING ON THE WINDOWS STEVE

related: Do not kiss on someone else’s kiss — and absolutely NO LICKING

Tags: London · spitting

How do you like them eggs?

April 1st, 2013 · 71 Comments

If you found yesterday’s post too saccharine for your taste, well, here’s a different sort of mother-daughter exchange. Hannah found this card nestled among a basket of Easter eggs that her mom gave her.

To Hannah, Happy Easter from the mother who 'f-cked up' your life and has done 'nothing' for you!

related: I can has guilt trip?

extra credit: “Family’s Easter decorations have neighbour hopping mad” [cbcnews]

Tags: Easter · U.K.

No Soup for You!

February 11th, 2013 · 79 Comments

Writes Jonathan in the UK: “Nick, bless him, diligently cleans the office microwave when he’s at work every Sunday morning. By Monday, the smell of bleach has usually gone. However, I think the latest soup splattering may have pushed him over the edge.”

I spent a fair few minutes making this oven clean on Sunday and in 24 hours it is again covered in soup -  Firstly drinking soup is the act of a fool as its salt content will contribute to high blood pressure but leaving an oven in this state is plain unpleasant -  It means that those of us that that (sic) have basic hygiene standards now can not use the microwave oven unless we clean it after you use it.  Please if you had soup on Monday can you consider your actions and what you have left for others.  NP

related: If you thought your microwave was dirty…

Tags: food · microwave · office · U.K.

Point (not) Taken

January 21st, 2013 · 49 Comments

David in Nottingham, England says that one of his neighbors has been continually leaving bags of junk in the building’s common area, despite the fact that the communal waste bin is located just a few feet away on the other side of the door.

David says the first (un-photographed) notice said something along the lines of, “Come on man, we’re not animals.” The management company then wrote a letter to all tenants — again, to no avail. Apparently, the only recourse left was to get Liam Neeson on the phone.

I don't know who you are or why you keep leaving bags of crap here, but if you don't stop doing it I will find you, and I will kill you.

Meanwhile, in Allentown, Pennsylvania:

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my package go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will hit you, REALLY hard.

related: Dear Whoever Stole My Amazon Package

Tags: garbage · most popular notes of 2013 · neighbors · Nottingham · shameless meme-mongering · U.K.

Pissed off (but ever-so-polite)

January 13th, 2013 · 48 Comments

In the U.K. —more so than anywhere else — self-proclaimed “polite notices” are quite often anything but. Take, for example, these two notices, both from London.

POLITE NOTICE To whom it may concern: Stop pissing all over the lavatory like a f*cking animal. What is wrong with your p*nis? Is it a corkscrew? Does it flick around like hosepipe? Here's an idea — trying pointing it even vaguely towards the water. You might enjoy the tinkly sound. Give it a shot. Go on. You f*cking animal.

POLITE NOTICE Your dog? Your shit! If I catch you, I will make YOU EAT IT!!!

related: A polite notice from New Zealand

Tags: "polite notice" · dogs · London · most popular notes of 2013 · piss · shit · toilet · U.K.