Entries Tagged as 'U.K.'

It’s not just God who’s watching you…

July 17th, 2011 · 35 Comments

While admiring a “very nice” church in Edinburgh, James was only slightly discomfited by this notice about the measures being taken to ensure his comfort.

SMILE, you are on camera. For your safety and comfort there are 9 security cameras monitoring the premises. If you are not here to pray - it's not just God who's watching you!

related: He died for your clip art

Tags: clip art catastrophe · God · Scotland

A spoonful of sugar might help this lesson in Newtonian physics go down

June 14th, 2011 · 47 Comments

This physics lesson was posted in the communal kitchen of Oxford University’s department of psychiatry.

“You would think that these people would be masters of communication,” our submitter says. “Evidently, not so much.”

A lesson in Newtonian Physics: If a spoon is washed in water, something it is very right and proper to be done, it still has residual water on it, unless dried.  If the spoon is placed on the draining board concave side up, gravitational force causes the water to sink into the concavity forming a puddle that is dependent on evaporation to remove it. If a male (it could only be a male) uses the bepuddled spoon to make himself coffee, water may get into the coffee tin and cause aggregation of the grounds which are hygyroscopic. This is given by these equations which are examples of a chaotic system (a Henon map) [equations] The solution to this problem is possibly too complex for members of this Department, but requires people to leave spoons convex side up.

In Australia, meanwhile, it seems they prefer not to beat around the bush* — at least when it comes to wet spoons.
DO NOT PUT WET DIRTY SPOONS IN SUGAR

related: The Ph.D’s approach to air conditioning units

*bad pun intended

Tags: a little patronizing · Australia · coffee · college life · note wars · office · spoons · U.K.

Well, someone’s feeling a little chippy…

May 18th, 2011 · 59 Comments

How long will your slob of a flatmate neglect her fallen french fry on the filthy carpet of your shared living space?

Well, if your flatmate is Bex in Stoke, England…long enough for it to be transformed into a small art installation, apparently.

Hi Bex I'm your floor chip I miss you XXX

EAT ME

related: Grimace and the fry kids

Tags: anthropomorphism · cleaning · food · roommates · U.K.

Do as I say, not as I do

May 2nd, 2011 · 33 Comments

First up: a peek inside the recently renovated dressing rooms at London’s swank Royal Albert Hall. Adds our submitter: “You can just feel the glamour, can’t you?”

Please do not hang anything from the pipes (except notices about pipes)

Meanwhile, in the breakroom at Ashley’s office, even snarky responses get their own frames. Now that’s classy.

 [note 1:] DO NOT PUT ANY THING ON TOP OF THIS FRIDGE. THANKS! MGT [note 2:] DO NOT PUT ANYTHING ON TOP OF THIS FRIDGE EXCEPT NOTES TELLING PEOPLE NOT TO PUT ANYTHING ON TOP OF THIS FRIDGE. THANKS!

related: Please refrain from unintentional irony

Tags: clip art catastrophe · London · rebuttals

Mean Mr. Mustard

April 22nd, 2011 · 97 Comments

Abbey Road Studios is a must-see on almost any Beatles aficionado’s tour of London. Once there, a curious sort of tourist delirium seems to take hold. People feel absolutely compelled to recreate the iconic album cover, in the same way that visitors to Pisa just have to get a shot of of themselves holding up the leaning tower.

The only hitch? That famous zebra crossing actually goes across a fully functioning road — one with cars and buses holding people who, one would assume, have better things to do than watch you fiddle with your zoom lens.

Rachel in London was therefore more a little amused to see this note from a fellow local amongst the assorted “I <3 Paul” and “I am the Walrus”-type scrawls that cover the walls near the crossing. ”I love the drawing, as it’s so true,” Rachel says. “It’s just a crossing people!!! It’s not like the Beatles are coming back to see you do this!”

Hey! You need to sort out the way you walk across Abbey Road you ridiculous people. (Yeah! have some respect!)

Interestingly, while the Beatles themselves aren’t likely to be watching, thanks to the existence of the (strangely hypnotic) 24-hour Abbey Road webcam, you can actually watch this idiocy as it happens — over and over and over again.

related: Meanwhile, on Portabello Road

extra credit: Photoclichés.com

Tags: etiquette · London · most popular notes of 2011 · that's disrespectful · tourists

The Orchid (and Daffodil and Begonia) Thief

March 29th, 2011 · 58 Comments

Maya in the U.K. spotted this magnanimous display on a garden wall on her way home, in a neighborhood “that must be simply full of hundreds of passive-aggressive middle class Brits.” Says Maya: ”I was tempted to steal the daffodils myself, but refrained.”

These daffodils are for the thief, living at the bottom of the road, who obviously loves daffodils but is too poor to buy his own - even at 2 bunches for a £1. For 2 successive weekends he has stolen some from this front garden. These he can take as a gift. Enjoy.

Meanwhile, Greg’s neighbor in Washington, D.C. decided to go with even an more straight-ahead guilt-trippy approach.

To the person responsible for stealing the begonia: Please return it; no question asked. This plant is a clipping given to me by my great aunt. She is now dead. I would we happy to root a clipping for you if you indeed wish to have such a specimen. Thank you.

Lastly, Fern spotted this scarily upbeat FYI while vacationing in Key West, Florida. (Adds Fern: “We think the flower just died.”)

Hey Orchid Thief: Hope you like your flower! Just wanted to let you know stealing is bad karma! Enjoy : )

related:  Three cities where nature-lovers might want to keep their hands to themselves

P.S. Before settling for a ho-hum Susan Orleans reference, I must admit that when writing this post, I tried — and failed — to come up with an worthy Wordworths-riffing title. In light of my lack of inspiration, I was especially delighted by this bit of brilliance from shwo! in the comments section:

I wandered slyly as a thief
Who flows on low o’er gutter spills,
When all at once I saw a leaf,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the porch, beneath the trees,
I think I will be stealing these.

Tags: D.C. · Florida · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · guilt trip · karma's a bitch · smiley · stealing · U.K.

See you never again in my life

March 6th, 2011 · 101 Comments

Writes Tracie in Sleaford, England: “My daughter Daisy (9) is a super kid…until she’s asked to tidy her room.”

(Then she’s just downright adorable.)

To Mum: I'm going to run away because your [sic] being mean to me. If you want to know where I am I'm at Fillets or the Co-ope or McDonalds. See you never again in my life. Daisy

P.S. “Fillets” is the name of the fish & chip shop in town.

related: (I’m Gonna) Run Away

Tags: kids · McDonalds · most popular notes of 2011 · U.K. · your/you're

A friendly FYI from Big Brother

February 27th, 2011 · 74 Comments

At Joanne’s office in Lancashire, England, her team had a temporary agency administrator working on-site with them for a few days. Well, “working.” Joanne says her boss was well-aware of what this fellow was actually up to, but rather than report him through the official channels, decided to drop him a little hint instead. (No word about how the lucky employees seated next to him felt about that decision.)

DEAR AGENCY ADMIN PERSON: YOU'RE CLEARLY UNAWARE THAT IN SOCIAL SERVICES, PC, EMAIL AND INTERNET USE IS CONTINUOUSLY AND CAREFULLY MONITORED. WORDS SUCH AS

related: The Jake Issues

Tags: actually totally reasonable · big brother-ish · most popular notes of 2011 · office · sex sex sex · smiley · U.K.

Well, that’s one way around that pesky “no eating in the library” rule

December 12th, 2010 · 53 Comments

Christian and John in Manchester, U.K. spotted this sign in the library of Manchester Metropolitan University…where the fridge thieves must be really, really ruthless (or the librarians very, very dotty).

This particular library, says John, “is where the vast majority of the university’s science and law students go. I have to wonder what sort of a university I go to if prospective engineers, biologists, chemists, physicists and lawyers have to be specifically asked not to put food in the toilet brush holders.”

Adds Christian: “I imagine a further note reading: ‘Please Do Not Poop On The Ceiling.’”

Please Do Not Put Food in the Toilet Brush Holders. Thank you!

Meanwhile, in Cambridge…further evidence of U.K. university students’ curious predilection for eating while toileting.

DUE TO MASSIVE CANINE INFESTATION WE MUST ASK YOU TO  PLEASE NOT LEAVE ANY UNCOVERED FOOD OUT IN THIS BATHROOM  THANK YOU HOUSEKEEPING

related: Pizza box as air freshener?

Tags: bathroom · Cambridge · college life · food · Manchester · U.K. · WTF?

The Mad Hatter’s Tea Party Rules

December 5th, 2010 · 44 Comments

Our submitter spotted this amazing stream-of-consciousness manifesto inside a small tea shop in Hertfordshire, U.K. “I especially like the lack of punctuation, constantly shifting tone, and preachy generalizations,” she says. “Apparently it’s not enough to simply request that customers wipe their feet or use a trash can — it’s necessary to subject them to a generational guilt trip as well.”

No Muddy Boots - Switch off mobile phones - Keep young Children Seated  What ever next!!!  It is worth reminding ourselves why it is we feel compelled to introduce restrictions and notices of any sort on our customers.  We can assure you that we would rather not!!!  The problem seems to be that we as a society we appear to have less respect for each other than in previous generations.  For example should it really be necessary to have a rule banning people from walking through the tearoom in muddy boots or to request mobile phone be switched off or to have a notice for the Ladies Loo -  Apparently so............  Ladies, PLEASE Use the Sanitary Disposal Bags for relevant items And place in the green bin that has been provided for this sole purpose  DO NOT Flush the disposable bag or any other item that has not gone through your system down our Old and very sensitive system!!!  (Its just not nice - the exception being the loo paper)  Perhaps we should simply have a customer code of conduct that reminds every one to consider others at all times

related: That must be some damn good coffee…

Tags: "customer service" · ellipses-crazed · exclamation-point happy!!!! · kids today · now that's management · restaurant · U.K.