Entries Tagged as 'U.K.'

Way to rub it in, mates.

October 1st, 2010 · 53 Comments

Kelcy from London snapped this photo while this year’s Glastonbury Festival. “And yes, it was amazing,” she says. “Poor Tom!”

Our mate Tom (whose 12) couldn't make it this year, please text him and tell him what a great time you're having!!! THANKS

UPDATE: Prue from Manchester reports spotting a similar — slightly more aggressive — message at Glastonbury, too. “The crossed out bits were the ‘just ex’ girlfriend’s phone number and name (so one could send her an abusive message on Facebook),” Prue says. “Lovely.”

Our mate Jack was't allowed to come cos his

related: “Cheers, mate!” is not an acceptable tip in Texas

Tags: apostrophe catastrophe · ex drama · text message · U.K.

Who steals pens from disabled children???

August 31st, 2010 · 42 Comments

At Nat’s office in York, England, one of his coworkers has been trying to bully everyone into coughing up some cash for an (admittedly worthy) charitable cause.

In Nat’s opinion, however, her guilt-heavy fund-raising techniques might benefit from a little fine-tuning…especially given that all seven of those special “charity pens” were nicked from the office supply closet.

Seriously people, who keeps stealing pens (7 of them!) from a disabled=

related: Starve on!

Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · a matter of taste · bar · confusion??? · guilt trip · Miami · MYOB · not wrong · office · office supplies · rebuttals · U.K.

In case of emergency…well, you’re on your own.

August 30th, 2010 · 72 Comments

In one of my clearest memories of first grade, I distinctly remember my teacher telling us, on the first day of school, that the bathroom in the back of the classroom was only for emergencies. For non-emergencies, we’d have to wait until lunchtime. In my six-year-old mind, however, “emergency” meant only one thing: “throwing up.”  And so, when I had to go, I held it. And held it. Until…well, I wasn’t holding it anymore.

That’s right: It actually took wetting my pants for me to learn that the word “emergency” means very different things to different people — a concept some people apparently still haven’t figured out.

It’s unclear, for example, what might constitute a “citrus emergency” at this Pleasanton, California optometrist’s office. (Perhaps a masochistic mandarin peeling itself?)

NO CUTIE FINGERS IN THE LAB! CUTIE FINGER BUSINESS CAN BE CONDUCTED OUTSIDE THE LAB UNLESS IT'S AN EMERGENCY. THANK YOU.

You might think people would be a little more precise in their language on a military base. At Arizona’s Fort Huachuca, you’d only be about half right.

NO WALK-INS EXCEPT FOR EMERGENCIES SUCH AS DEATHS & PAYROLL PROBLEMS

At Gustavo’s new office building in Seattle, it only took about a week — and about a bazillion false alarms— before someone decided a little clarification was necessary. (Sorta sounds like something you’d expect from a classroom of first-graders, no?)

Do not push this button unless the building is on fire and it is a big fire. Thank you. -Floor 21

Meanwhile, Andrew in Cirencester, England only noticed this sign after pushing open one of his office’s alarmed fire doors (triggering a sudden and unforeseen occurrence — i.e., ear-shattering noise).

SECURITY NOTICE THIS IS AN EMERGENCY EXIT AND SHOULD ONLY BE USED IN AN EMERGENCY. THEREFORE, PLEASE DO NOT OPEN DOOR UNLESS IT IS AN EMERGENCY. THE MEANING OF THE WORD EMERGENCY IS AN UNFORESEEN OR SUDDEN OCCURRENCE. e.g. YOU OR OTHERS ARE IN DANGER AND NEED TO EXIT THE BUILDING IMMEDIATELY.

related: Gee, thanks for the clarification

Tags: Arizona · California · CAPS LOCK · clip art catastrophe · obnoxious definition · office · Seattle · U.K. · WTF?

The mother-son relationship is always “special”

August 11th, 2010 · 53 Comments

At the local community centre, Isabel in Bolton, England (Home of the “White Men”) spotted this board put together by some Sunday School children entitled “My Mum is Special.” (Kudos to the teachers for allowing the kids considerable latitude in how they chose to define “special.”)

My Mum is special because...She is very forgetfull [sic] and never listens. -Jacob

related: My Mommy is special because she has a potty mouth.

Tags: kids · Moms & Dads · U.K.

Sorry to break it to you

July 5th, 2010 · 101 Comments

The following message is a bit long, yes, but I had to post it because it reads uncannily like what I imagine as the epistolary novel of the future — complete with an unreliable narrator à la the Adrian Mole Diaries (or the sub-par American ripoff, Youth in Revolt).

It comes to us from Helen in Northern Ireland, who gives the following backstory:  ”So, I met a friend of a friend on a night out and he offered to ‘walk me home.’ Seeing right through that clever ruse, I left, only to be bombarded with no fewer than four texts, a Facebook message and a voicemail all saying some inebriated yet romantic things.”

Months later, Helen ran into a mutual friend of this would-be Lothario, and casually said something along the lines of, ‘He tried to walk me home once, but I think he is a bit strange.’ Shortly thereafter, she received this gem of a Facebook message. “Luckily,” Helen says, “he removed and blocked me from Facebook immediately after sending it. Nice chap!”

Don't flatter yourself

related: And women like u wonder why u get judged and labeled shallow

Tags: Facebook · just an asshole · just not that into you · oh no you didn't · spurned lover · TL;DR · U.K.

Dr. Doolittle gets tough

June 28th, 2010 · 70 Comments

Jane in Boston says this note appeared on Tomio’s bedroom door, at cat’s-eye level. “Given that I’m pretty sure cats can’t read, it’s the ultimate passive-aggressive sentiment,” Jane says, “but a cat shitting on your bed is pretty passive aggressive, too. What a tangled web we weave.”

Cats- Pursuant to the shit in my bed, you are hereby forbidden from my room until further notice. -Tomio

Meanwhile, a submitter in Cornwall, England spotted this note (again, at pet’s-eye level) on the front door of a house. “It was unclear what the dog had done, how the notewriter expected the dog to read this, or how ‘Diane’ was filming the dog,” our submitter says. “There was no sign of a camera.”

Dear DOG As of tonight you are on camera! You know who you are. Love Diane. Photo No. 1 has been taken!

And yet, it’s this commandment —posted by a neighbor of Marissa in San Francisco — that tickles me the most.

Its [sic] Prohibited for dogs to poop

UPDATE: A bonus note (via Anthonio in Seattle), from…Dirt.

Attention, The flower area is NOT for CAT SHIT. From here on out, any shit found here will be randomly re-located to different places... Get ready for surprises. Love always, Dirt

related: Excuse me, sir? I think you’ve dropped something.

Tags: Boston · cats · dogs · most popular notes of 2010 · San Francisco · Seattle · shit · signed with love · U.K. · you know who you are

Your “Brown Friends”

April 13th, 2010 · 106 Comments

At first glance, would you assume that the the writer of this note….

a) is kind of a racist prick?

b) has a thing against students/alumni from a certain university in Providence, R.I.?

c) has a penchant for using confusing euphemisms for bodily waste?

I WOULD RATHER NOT MEET ANY MORE OF YOUR BROWN FRIENDS. EITHER ASK THEM TO LEAVE OR INTRODUCE THEM TO PEOPLE DOWNSTAIRS. THX

I’ll admit I assumed the answer was either a or b, until I read the submitter’s explanation about where the note was found: above the stinky toilet in a share house of (mostly male) British university students.

The verdict: Still offensive, just, you know, in a different way.

related: 2 notes, 1 cupcake

Tags: anthropomorphism · college life · shit · thx · toilet · U.K.

Princess Marmalade has been notified

March 24th, 2010 · 70 Comments

“Recently our neighbour falsely accused us of sending him a (passive?) aggressive letter,” says Joe in the U.K. “He was not a happy bunny.” Before an all-out note war commenced, however, the real culprit was apparently identified. Joe received this sincere note of apology the next day.

HELLO!! SORRY ABOUT YESTERDAY I'VE FOUND OUT WHO PUT THE NOTE THROUGH MY DOOR IT WAS THE IDIOT WHO LIVES AT [redacted] WHO HAS IS HOUSE UP FOR SALE I WOULD NEVER TOUCH ANYONE'S CAR AND HE CAN PARK ANYWHERE HE AS NO CONSIDERATION FOR ANYONE ELSE HOWEVER PLEASE TELL YOUR CAT NOT TO SHIT ON MY FRONT GARDEN

Adds Joe: “We’re not really sure what the car thing is about — probably a reference to the original note we didn’t send!”

related: (Don’t Fear) The Creeper

Tags: car · cats · neighbors · non-apology apology · Oops? · shit · U.K.

A review of last night’s performance

February 17th, 2010 · 194 Comments

Aleister in London found this critique slipped under his door after an impromptu Thursday night sing-along.  “I am a big fan of my neighbours’ critical opinion,” Alastair says. “I won’t offer much defense other than that our music selection was exceptional and I was on my way to work when I found it.”

Well done, Flat 3. Dry wit, a soft touch, and lovely handwriting? This is one note that definitely deserves a place of honor on the fridge.

Dear Flat 1, We are sorry to bother you but we couldn't help hearing what a fantastic time you had last night/this morning.

If you absolutely must write a note, I’d say this is how to do it.

related: It was an ironic dance party, okay?

Tags: actually totally reasonable · London · neighbors · noise

Happy Boxing Day from Passive-Aggressive Notes!

December 26th, 2009 · 44 Comments

Now, if you wouldn’t mind taking a moment out of your busy schedule of sport and/or shopping to bestow a bit of charity on those you live with?

This is a passive-aggressive note from your kitchen buddy Colin! Don't leave your disgusting food particles in the sink. That is what the trash can is for. Cheers.

(Cheers to our submitter Victoria, her mates at Oxford, and their disgusting flatties.)

related: ceci n’est pas une note passif-agressif

Tags: meta · roommates · that's disgusting · U.K.