PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » family http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people Wed, 08 Feb 2012 19:51:33 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 No Dumping Zone http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/30/fecal-mist-laptop/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/30/fecal-mist-laptop/#comments Tue, 31 Jan 2012 04:40:05 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=20891 To me this sounds suspiciously like an episode of The League, but Stephen from Cherry Hill, New Jersey claims his daughter recently caught him heading into the bathroom “for a little sit-down,” laptop in hand. When five-year-old Rosie asked why Daddy was bringing his computer into the fecal mist zone, he replied, “Multi-tasking.”

A few minutes later, Rosie slipped the following note under the door. (The drawing had already been done earlier.)

What are you thinking Dad? That's a horrible thing to do.

Translation: What are you thinking Dad? That’s a horrible thing to do.

Can you really argue with her?

related: Never put nature aside for television.

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/30/fecal-mist-laptop/feed/ 40 Daddy dearest http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/19/daddy-dearest/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/19/daddy-dearest/#comments Fri, 20 Jan 2012 00:56:53 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=20863 Writes Virginia in Sumner, Washington: “Going through a box of old photographs in the attic, I found this birthday card I gave my father when I was five or six. I was a terrible child.”

You should spend more time with me but I love you anyway. Happy Birthday Dad

related: Some daughterly wisdom for Dad

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/19/daddy-dearest/feed/ 25 Tangled http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/04/buckets-of-my-tears/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/04/buckets-of-my-tears/#comments Wed, 04 Jan 2012 23:44:50 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=20112 Julie in Milwaukee has been trying to drag her nine-year-old daughter to get a haircut for ages. The day of the planned trim, Mom found this prize bit of melodrama waiting on her bed.

Mom, Dad I love you but you can't cut my hair if you do I will never forgive you I love my hair and guess you don't love me enough to do what I want for a change [drawings:

related: A Mother’s Day Report Card

 

 

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/04/buckets-of-my-tears/feed/ 240 Thanks for throwing me under the sleigh, kids http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/12/26/sold-out-to-santa/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/12/26/sold-out-to-santa/#comments Mon, 26 Dec 2011 18:05:26 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=20027 Writes Kristie in Tacoma, Washington: “My kids totally threw me under the bus in order to cover their tails for Santa.”

Dear Santa, I'm sorry there are no cookies. Well my mom didn't want to make any cookies for you. She said that you were on a diet this year. Please don't eat the gingerbread house. Well to have a back up plan for the cookies me and Griffin put out all of are [sic] candy we have. We even put out celery and carrots for Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph. Well I hope you enjoy the candy and milk. Merry Christmas Santa I will always believe in you. You are very awesome. Sincerely, Natalie, and Griffin

related: Dear Santa, I was wondering you whipped your reindeer.

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/12/26/sold-out-to-santa/feed/ 23 Mad Santa http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/12/23/mad-santa/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/12/23/mad-santa/#comments Sat, 24 Dec 2011 01:11:29 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=20024 Writes Mimi in Toronto: “Me being 17 and my brother being 19, we weren’t particularly interested in doing the whole ‘leave Santa provisions’ charade on Christmas Eve. Our mother took offense to our lack of Christmas spirit, and we awoke the next morning to this note, along with some half eaten cookies and carrots.”

Dear Mimi and Ben, What the fuck?! No cookies, drink and carrots for Santa and his reindeer?! What kind of hospitality is that?! Sheesh. Love, Santa P.S. I helped myself thankyouverymuch

related: All I want for Christmas

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/12/23/mad-santa/feed/ 27 I just want to know the truth! http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/12/20/i-just-want-to-know-the-truth/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/12/20/i-just-want-to-know-the-truth/#comments Tue, 20 Dec 2011 20:07:03 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=20014 Below: the first of many heartbreaking childhood disappointments to come for Kaeton’s six-year-old cousin, Laylah.

Dear moma and paw, Why didnt you tell me the tooth fairy wasn't real? Why doesn't the tooth fairy come? I asked you what the tooth fairy does with my teeth and you didn't answer me. You just nodded your head and made a funny face. I just want to know the truth! Love, Laylah.

related: Possibly the best Tooth Fairy letters of all time

extra credit: Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/12/20/i-just-want-to-know-the-truth/feed/ 46 How’s that for compromise? http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/29/hole-in-the-wall/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/29/hole-in-the-wall/#comments Wed, 30 Nov 2011 01:33:14 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19955 Bernie in Sydney recently discovered this hidden behind a painting in his parents’ house — “the passive-aggressive conclusion to a long-running argument about demolishing the kitchen wall.”

Explains Bernie: “Mum wants the wall demolished to make the kitchen nicer; Dad insists it’s impossible and unnecessary. I honestly don’t know how my parents have managed to last 25 years together.”

Danger Construction Site Impossible hole in wall to be built in this location To celebrate 25 years of marriage and constructive demolition of plasterboard walls

related: Give the gift of honesty

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/29/hole-in-the-wall/feed/ 32 XXX, Mum http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/12/xxx-mum/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/12/xxx-mum/#comments Sat, 12 Nov 2011 23:44:31 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19744 James in the U.K. recently came home from football practice to discover that, in his absence, his mother had gotten a peek at his Internet browser history (“full of…well, I’m 15, I’m sure you can guess.”) As cool as his mum was about the whole thing, says James, “I still don’t know if I’ll be able to look her in the face for a while.”

Dear James, Yes, your laptop HAS been used - I couldn't find my charger. Sorry. P.S: You should probably delete your search history - your Gran would be shocked. P.P.S: You know Internet Explorer has a mode for stuff like that, it's called Incognito Mode, I think. Happy viewing! Lots of love, Mum. XOXO

“Happy viewing”? Nicely played, Mum.

related: “Sweetie, I saw that Walgreens is having a sale on jumbo-sized rubbers, so of course I thought of you!”

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/12/xxx-mum/feed/ 88 Congratulations! At some point in time, through no effort of your own, you were born. http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/02/enough-with-the-birthdays/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/02/enough-with-the-birthdays/#comments Wed, 02 Nov 2011 21:20:51 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19718 So, imma let you in on a little secret: nobody has any reason to give a shit about your birthday. If you’re over the age of, say, 12, and still expect people to fete your very existence every year, you should also expect to be disappointed. (Yes, I’m the Grinch of birthdays. And don’t even get me started on “birthday weeks.”)

That said, in this case our submitter actually did call her mother on the day of her birth. When Mom didn’t pick up, quick-thinking daughter left her a message. After that, our submitter says, her mother didn’t return her calls for several days — until phoning to say, “Check your e-mail.” While still on the line, our submitter did just that — and found this lovely e-card.

Thanks...a whole bunch! Thank You so much for the birthd.... Oh, wait a minute..... you didn't acknowledge my birthday... Mom

related: It’s my pity party and I’ll whine if I want to

extra credit: Half birthdays are the new black [stfuparents]

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/02/enough-with-the-birthdays/feed/ 127 While My Magnadoodle Gently Weeps http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/25/gently-weeps/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/25/gently-weeps/#comments Wed, 26 Oct 2011 00:15:51 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19628 Dave‘s eight-year-old daughter is a huge of the Beatles…and at this moment, a not-so-huge fan of her father.

I wish cute George Harrison was my Daddy instead of you!

Dave, perhaps in a few years she’ll appreciate that, if nothing else, at least you spared her the unibrow gene?

related: Abbey Road idiots

extra credit:
passive aggressive notes to your toddler via magnadoodle

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/25/gently-weeps/feed/ 64 My Other Kid Could Beat Up My Honor Student http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/19/dueling-bumper-stickers/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/19/dueling-bumper-stickers/#comments Thu, 20 Oct 2011 01:37:04 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19617 Writes Daniel in Oakland: “I love the tension between the ‘student of the month’ sticker on top and the totally passive-aggressive ‘every child is honored’ sticker below it.”

related: The car you drive can say a lot about you as a person.

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/19/dueling-bumper-stickers/feed/ 80 Don’t be an ash-hole! Love, Mom http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/03/dont-be-an-ash-hole/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/03/dont-be-an-ash-hole/#comments Mon, 03 Oct 2011 23:20:28 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19504 “My friends’ mom has four cigarette-smoking daughters under one roof,” says our submitter in Cleveland. “She had to reach her breaking point eventually.”

Hi All! If you

related: Love, the Landlord

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/03/dont-be-an-ash-hole/feed/ 155 Our Lady of Passive-Aggression http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/27/our-lady-of-passive-aggression/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/27/our-lady-of-passive-aggression/#comments Wed, 28 Sep 2011 01:07:03 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19461 “My friend and her mother have little exchanges like this via Facebook all the time,” says our anonymous submitter. “It’s always lovely to get these little peeks into their relationship.”

Mom: Well, I know you didn't go to church to worship but I am very pleased to see you have at least been inside one since you got there. This is very pretty.

related: Best wishes, godless heathens!

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/27/our-lady-of-passive-aggression/feed/ 35 Hello Kitty says: “Unconditional love can be complicated!” http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/23/hello-kitty-says/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/23/hello-kitty-says/#comments Fri, 23 Sep 2011 16:11:34 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19444 Melody in Schenectady, New York says her 7-year-old daughter, Emma, is constantly writing little stories and whatnot, which inevitably end up all over the house. As Melody was picking up some of Emma’s latest scraps, she found this note addressed to her 4-year-old sister.

Hay Addison, I thingk you sud be niser to me i still love y(ou) but your driv me crase. Love, Emma

related: S is for sibling rivalry

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