Entries Tagged as 'Mother-son notes'

I love you…but I love you more when you’re skinny.

February 11th, 2014 · 101 Comments

Writes Joshua in Salt Lake City: “This past year I’ve been trying to lose weight. It’s been up and down. Apparently my mother knows that.”

Happy Valentine's Day Josher! 'Skinny Josh Bag' Proud of you! What's the day without the candy bag...just 'Chew & Spit'

related: Mom is my favorite passive-aggressive Valentine

Tags: heart · hey fatty · Mother-son notes · Salt Lake City · signed with love · Valentine's Day · xoxo

Anti-social networking

September 11th, 2013 · 35 Comments

Just a reminder, folks: updating your newsfeed = not actually the same thing as genuine social interaction.

E Murphy: is in a relationship P Murphy: apparently not with his mother!

Ryan: I love my friends Todd: including the ones you ignore regularly? Briana: i AGREE WITH THE GUY ABOVE!

related: Because you’re not really knocked up until Facebook says so
extra credit: Facebook is bad and makes you feel bad [newyorker.com]

Tags: frenemies · Mother-son notes · oh snap

The Boy Who Drank All the Milk: A first-world fable

January 23rd, 2013 · 60 Comments

Marcel in Montreal begins his story with the moral: “There are just some things you don’t mess with — vipers, rabid dogs, king cobras, black widows…and my mom.” His younger self, however, was far less wise. This is his tale.

For a long time, Marcel and his siblings had the irritating habit of drinking all the milk in the house late at night so that there was none left when their mother went to pour herself a bowl of cereal for breakfast the morning.

One day, Marcel and his siblings came home from school to find a batch of “the richest, most delicious brownies ever” sitting on the counter. Of course, they dug in immediately. But just as he was about to head to the fridge to pour himself a cold, tall glass of milk to wash down all that chocolate-y goodness, Marcel noticed this note from Mom hiding underneath the crumbs.

Maybe next time you'll think before you drink all the milk and don't replace it!! xoxo ? Mom

“Sacre bleu!” he cried, for sure enough, there was not a drop of milk to be found in the house. Leaving a trail of brownie crumbs behind him, he ran as fast as he could to the nearest dairy farm, where, shortly before hitting send on this submission, he was eaten by a very hungry wolf.

“Both Marcel and the brownies,” the wolf wrote, “were fucking delicious.”

related: The Boy Who Forgot to Clear His Browser History

Tags: heart · milk · Moms & Dads · Montreal · Mother-son notes · signed with love · xoxo

Please, Mom, anything but showers!

July 17th, 2012 · 30 Comments

Explains a mom in Oregon: “This note was left outside the kids’ bedroom door after I sent them to a time out for pouring all of the shampoo and facewash in the entire bathroom into the bathtub. I told them I couldn’t trust them not to do that so they would have to stick to showers instead of baths for the time being.”

Man, I just love it when kids threaten their parents with the silent treatment.

Please, Mom, anything but showers!

 

related: An official declaration of the silent treatment

Tags: kids · most popular notes of 2012 · Mother-son notes · Oregon

XXX, Mum

November 12th, 2011 · 88 Comments

James in the U.K. recently came home from football practice to discover that, in his absence, his mother had gotten a peek at his Internet browser history (“full of…well, I’m 15, I’m sure you can guess.”) As cool as his mum was about the whole thing, says James, “I still don’t know if I’ll be able to look her in the face for a while.”

Dear James, Yes, your laptop HAS been used - I couldn't find my charger. Sorry. P.S: You should probably delete your search history - your Gran would be shocked. P.P.S: You know Internet Explorer has a mode for stuff like that, it's called Incognito Mode, I think. Happy viewing! Lots of love, Mum. XOXO

Dear James, Yes, your laptop HAS been used - I couldn't find my charger. Sorry. P.S: You should probably delete your search history - your Gran would be shocked. P.P.S: You know Internet Explorer has a mode for stuff like that, it's called Incognito Mode, I think. Happy viewing! Lots of love, Mum. XOXO

“Happy viewing”? Nicely played, Mum.

related: “Sweetie, I saw that Walgreens is having a sale on jumbo-sized rubbers, so of course I thought of you!”

Tags: "helpful" advice · Mother-son notes · Oops? · p.s. · sex sex sex · signed with love · U.K. · xoxo

Your girlfriend is frightening the kittens

November 23rd, 2009 · 113 Comments

P.J. in Huntington, New York says his girlfriend found this note on the stairs “the morning after she came over dressed like a school girl.”

Meanwhile, P.J. leaves several questions unanswered in his explanation, among them…So, why did your your girlfriend come over to Mom’s house dressed like Britney circa 1998? How old is this girlfriend, relative to the age of a) an actual school girl and b) yourself? Is your mother, in fact, a cat?

I'm not happy about Lauren walking into my house dressed like something out of a bad porn movie. It was embarrassing to me. Love, Mom

Moral of the story: When dressing to impress, show your respect for Mom’s taste by dressing like something out a good porn movie. (I mean, Lauren, really, sexy school girl? So trite!)

related: (you know the book)

Tags: actually totally reasonable · Moms & Dads · Mother-son notes · nice stationery · sex sex sex · signed with love

(You know the book)

August 6th, 2009 · 188 Comments

Our submitter from Honolulu lives with two roommates…in a house that belongs to one of those roommate’s parents. (Mayday! Mayday!)

One day, apparently, mother dearest decided to come over for an unannounced visit. Surprise!

speaking of church (you know the book)

(click to enlarge)

related: I can has guilt trip?

Tags: cleaning · guilt trip · Hawaii · Jesus · Moms & Dads · Mother-son notes